u/Single_Craft440

hi, I'm 16, my friend just turned 18. we've been in one class since the 8th grade, right now we're graduating 10th grade which, in our school, is the last class. long story short to explain why is she still in 10th grade: we're refugees from another country and had to learn german instead of normal classes, however i managed to learn it quicker.

I've been bullied a lot for my nationality and the way i dress, had just a few friends in school including her, but all my other friends either graduated or switched schools in 8th or 9th grade. I've been depressed since i was 13 (that's when i got the diagnosis), which is important for this story. every morning we meet up 20 minutes before school to get some ice tea to drink in school and chat. every day she starts complaining about something, about being offended at her boyfriend (for some stupid reasons), about how her friends are assholes, about how her coworkers suck, how people annoy her, but whenever i complain about something i never get to even finish the story.

i believe she causes all the problems herself. for example, recent situation: some friend of her asked her to give them 40€ and said they'd return it in 2 weeks. she gave them that money and thought they'd returning, because she was thinking about using it to pay for food when she travels to another town in about 2 weeks (during school time btw), but oh well, they didn't return it in time, and she was very angry telling me that story.

could she avoid that? of course! why would you even give someone money you'll need immediately in 2 weeks?! and she gave it to a person who never returned money in time and she knew about that. i had to listen to that story after a 4 hour sleep with night full of stress and anxiety and she wanted me to respond something to that. believe me, this happens every single day. she always finds what to complain about. and i had to listen to that for 2 years straight along with bullying and the shit that's been going on in my life. i cannot count how many times i crashed out and cried because i realised i have to go to school tomorrow and listen to that.

anyways, right now we got our notes for our exams. i got pretty decent notes, i passed everything. here in Germany 6 is the worst note you can get, and 1 is the best. i got german 4; math 4; english 2; social & nutrition 2. she got 5 in every subject. you can improve your notes by going for an oral test. conveniently, in math and german only. now she insists that i do it with her, but I don't want to since i was already accepted in both colleges i applied for and i passed every subject, so I'm not going to improve any notes to get 2 or 3.

she's been to another town and missed a lot of school, including little tests and little tasks for notes in other subjects and i am not going to tell her about those and not going to tell her what were the topics. i know she will fail everything. even though i barely did anything i have listened, while she either missed school or slept. i know it because just a week ago we had a biology test. i got 3.9, she got 5.

while she wasn't in school we had to do little presentations for physics alone or in pairs (optional). i know our teacher will forget to tell her that and i am not going to tell her. i have already paired up with another classmate who's pretty much neutral to me and we finished everything in one lesson.

we'll have a chemistry test this week and I won't tell her the topic and won't tell her what we've learnt while she slept. I'm letting her fail because she's been making me feel bad all this time, she's been emotionally draining me and i know she has insulted me a lot when she was friends with my bully. she's only my friend because i have no one else and as soon as we graduate i will never willingly meet up with her again. the closer i am to graduation the more relief i feel, not only because i will escape the bullies, but because I'll escape her.

so, am i the asshole for secretly hating her and letting her fail everything, knowing that with every failed test she has less and less chances to be accepted into the school or college she wants to go to and less chances for her dream job?

Edit: found out just now that she can't even fix her math note

been anorexic from 12 to 14 and used to take drugs at the same time, now I'm eating all fine and quit, but the cycle is still not fine. last year i have period only 8 times, last month i had it twice. I'm pretty skinny too plus maybe the hormones influence the cycle, but just in case, should i get checked?