u/Skander_Chouba

I feel so hurt. Last week i realised that she detached and "broke up" with me long ago without telling me. I felt hurt and ashamed of myself. When i faced her she froze and we didn't talk since then. Today we met at the elevator and we talked like total strangers. It hurts so much. I was so good to her, so supportive, so generous, so available, so consistent, so reliable, I sacrificed myself for her comfort, i accepted many things that i don't accept. And I was thrown away like some disposable shit. After nearly 4 years...

Like the title said. For couple of months starting from november, i started noticing that she's less and lesa available. She started talking to colleague at work, he's now her new "soulmate" and maybe next "situationship partner ". She hide him from me and always tells me that her mother was calling. I know that she's lying. We used to send eachother alot of IG reels. Last months she doesn't see them, i expressed my frustration and told her that i feel like you're ignoring me personally and she told me that she collect them and watches them all every now and then. Fast forward this week we met, she open her ig to check something, i saw a long list of discussions, she has seen all of them except our conversation, since i looked at her phone she got angry, and i got angry and told her I see now how much i mean to you. It was 4 days ago, she froze when we talked. She didnt say anything. Today we met again, since we're colleagues, she acted like I've never existed. After 4 years of "us".

I did my best, i felt betrayed, i treated her like nobody else has treated her before. I felt so much pain.

During last months a couldnt make any real conversation because if i mention anything she freezes and we spend couple days without talking. I deserve better, but i still want her.

3 years of situationship with her. We talked for many many hours daily. We were so close, never been this close with someone before. Then she started pulling away, and i was started telling her that she's distracting herself and she keeps telling me that it's in my head and that she didnt changed. Now i call her and she doesnt answer, only rarely, i send reels in Instagram and facebook and she doesnt see them. She told me that she open messages very rarely. Yesterday i saw her instagram messages in her phone, and I'm the only one that she's ignoring. She's now living the situationship with someone else. I see her talking to him daily until 4 am while I'm getting ignored. She found out that I'm stalking her on IG and she removed her status. 3 years, of closeness and 8 months of hell. I'm beyond repair. I need help, I'm lost. I'm 32 years old and crying on my bed. I can't work, i can't do anything. I have nobody to talk to him. I feel miserable. Please help

I have no energy to write anything. I just want everything to stop... I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore. I dont think about future. I dont know what I'm grieving, maybe the past. Maybe myself, maybe everything...

So when things get real she disappears, but she talks to other people. She's always on her phone talking to "friends".

When she needs help or have real problem she comes to me first. When fun, she goes away. I was the center of her life for 3 years, we were living in a relationship but not discussed. But when she got sure of my feelings she started changing. I told her that this hot and cold approach affects me, she said that it shouldn't! She became attention/validation seeker last couple months. In the past we used to talk more than 10 hours a day, now it's couple minutes to 1 hour, when nobody's there. She tells me that I'm the best and that she misses me and loves me today and gets cold the next days. Now she became busy!

I know what i should do but it's not easy... and i think both avoidant and narcissist have no solution...

So, over the last couple of months, I [M32] have started asking myself if she [F28] is avoidant or simply not interested anymore.

​We used to talk daily for more than 6 hours. But then, she would pull away for a week before coming back again. When I asked her about it, she told me that she doesn’t use her phone when she goes to her parents' house.

​This year, she became even more distant. She disappears more frequently, to the point where I've asked her multiple times if everything is okay or if I did something wrong. Sometimes I feel like she's dating someone else; other times, I feel like she has just lost interest. I no longer feel the closeness we used to have.

​I tried matching her energy, which worked sometimes, and I tried pulling away. However, I don't like ignoring her calls when she actually reaches out—that's simply not who I am. Earlier this year, when I pulled away for real, she started telling me how much she missed me, that she loves me, and that I'm the best, etc. But within a few days, she pulled away again. I can usually tell when it's about to happen; most of the time, she pulls away right after we have a really great day together.

​Today, while she was at her parents' house, I called her. I told her that I love her, that she's very dear to me, that I'm afraid of losing her, and that it often feels like she’s drifting away for good. She told me she loves me too, reiterated that I'm the best, and explained that she sometimes just doesn't feel like using her phone because she gets tired.

​I just don't feel the connection anymore. When I look at this "situationship," I realize that for the past year, I've been the only giver while she only receives. What's keeping me here is the closeness we once had, the feelings she used to give me, and the depth of the connection we shared. She still understands me without me saying a word.

​I also asked her if she feels annoyed when I complain, and she said sometimes she does.

​For context, this is a situationship because we're not officially together, but we started talking 3.5 years ago.

​

So I have feelings for my girl best friend. We've talked daily for hours for three years now. Last September, I told her I felt like we could be more than friends in the future, and she said no.

These days, she's told me more than once that I lack the ability to initiate. After asking for more details, she said that I lack the ability to talk to a girl to make a relationship official, meaning, asking her to be in an exclusive relationship. She also said that I'm "husband material" and many girls want to be with me.

I get many mixed signals from her.

For more context i live in germany and she lives in tunisia and when i go back to tunisia we meet 5 times a week. We're both from tunisia.

what do you think of my situation?

So I have feelings for my girl best friend. We've talked daily for hours for three years now. Last September, I told her I felt like we could be more than friends in the future, and she said no.

These days, she's told me more than once that I lack the ability to initiate. After asking for more details, she said that I lack the ability to talk to a girl to make a relationship official, meaning, asking her to be in an exclusive relationship. She also said that I'm "husband material" and many girls want to be with me.

I get many mixed signals from her.

So my question is: How do I initiate in general? And how do I initiate with a girl who rejected me nine months ago? Is it a good idea to do it?

So I have feelings for my girl best friend. We've talked daily for hours for three years now. Last September, I told her I felt like we could be more than friends in the future, and she said no.

These days, she's told me more than once that I lack the ability to initiate. After asking for more details, she said that I lack the ability to talk to a girl to make a relationship official, meaning, asking her to be in an exclusive relationship. She also said that I'm "husband material" and many girls want to be with me.

I get many mixed signals from her.

So my question is: How do I initiate in general? And how do I initiate with a girl who rejected me nine months ago? Is it a good idea to do it?