u/SlaveToCat

Goob Affernnoon mine frens! Ai am goodboiFinn an Ai am five moons old. Dis community gib gud advices on how to manage my ouchy mouf. Mine momma did find many teens which she gib to a Toof Fairy who gibbed me dog biscuits unner mine own bed! An Ai am eben getting big boi campers too! One of da tings mine momma does to make mine mouf less ouchy is freeze some old warshclofs wif frozen strawberries or raspberries! Is bery yum! An Ai lub raspberries! Ai will do almost anything for dem.

Anyways, mine momma does her daily harvest of da fresh raspberries. Dey is yummy and Ai kno dis cos she gib me some cos Ai am a Good Boi! Well today she done a salamander an sai Ai feefed raspberries wif out her permission. Dis no possible cos Ai am a good boi. It’s in mai name!

Ai would like to soo mine momma for salamander. Ai want more raspberries, more time in da park an da pool, and more pets.

Do Ai have case?

Dis me gibbing a charmin wink.

Hey frens, mai naem is Finn or Shark Finn or ailuvyoutoogoodboiFinn. Ai am four moons old an my brofur Hansum Hodge did me a refer to pupper pawyers. My hoomans have done a bandonment fer werk an leeb me wif auntie an uncle. One of da fings mai momma says is ai hab sharp, white needle teefs for nibnibnib on everything. Well, auntie did notice dat one of my teefs is no longer in mai mouf! Someone called Toof Fairy stoled it from my mouf! What the heck! Ai need my teefs. An my mouf is sore. My momma gib me icey cubey an frozen strawberry to make my mouf not me sore but it don last.

Can Ai soo Toof Fairy? Herm make mai mouf sore and steel my toof. Ai want my toof back. Or maybe one just as good. An peanut butter. An more strawberries. And some of uncle’s sirloin dat momma isn’t supposed to know about.

(Any advice on how to manage through teething is welcome.)

Dis me doin a protecc of aunties patio.

Frens,

Ai has a tail of woe. See, when my Jailer took custody from foster, ai was calm, cool an collected. Ai was unlike any ornj boi she hab eber seen. Ai went from a small haus dat I share wifs many kitties and doggos to da perverbiol gilded cage. Ai wanna go outside an smack FGary and yell at da magpies, but ob course mai Jailer no let me. Now Ai lub my sisfur Nutmeg bery much but she is, well, she is A LOT. Ai jus wan a warm bed in da sunshine.

Well, my Jailer gotted me not one warm bed, not too warm beds, but eight beds! An guess what? dere is always at least two beds in da sunbeem no matter where sunbeem runs to! An you know what else? Sometime Ai find a new toy or some treats waiting jus for me? Ai no have to share unless Ai want! Ai also discover sumfin about mai own self. Ai really like to cuddle sept on mai own terms. So when the Jailer is eepy, I crawl unner da covers of da big square an snug up beside her in case monster get her in her sleep. Das right, I do a protecc!

Here's da fing doe. Ai call her Jailer cos Max the Destroyer tole me dat she eist to serve. But she make me feel warm an safe an (gulp) lubbed up. Do Ai have to keep callin her mai Jailer? Ai maiself would liek to call her meowmy an account she she lubs me no matter wat. Is dat okay? How do Ai go about tellin her she is specail to me?

Is me, Hnsum Hodge habbin a growf moment.

Hehhehe! Is me, Nutmeg! Mine pawpaw call me chaos in a fur coat. MWAHAHA.

Ai stolled Jailer mummy’s life box cos Hodge would never eber show dis.

Dis Hodge in a sink an in a tub.

Now Hodge is going to play my favouritest game! CHASECHASECHASE

Frens, Ai Hansum Hodge need a pawyer to do a soo on Mai Jailer. Dere has been many forebers of cold sky waters in the magical forbidden to kitties outsides. First tort - Jailer take Finnwhatareyoueating! outside many times so he can smell freedom and even do poo crimes outside. She never, ever take us outside but dat guy? Ugh. Isnofair.

However dis smorning was worse. Ai hav been betrayed. While Ai was napping in my elevated bed, ai got a whiff of somfin delectable. Somfin refined. Somefin dat just reeked. Churu. Ai bolted out of my bed an came running down da stairs to see <dramatic paws> Nutmeg getting churu. Wif out me! Hansum Hodge.

Nutmeg: buddy, you snooze, you lose. An a churu is a churu.

Hodge: traitor

Nutmeg: tell da frens what she did when your lordship finally decide it was wakes times.

Hodge: da Jailer gib me a churu. Den some greenie chasers. She coulda woke me up!

Frens, you see how ai am hard don buy? Need to soo for more churu and puppy kibble. Ai like eating Finnoffthetable’s breakfast.

Nutmeg: Deposition goin to be tuff. Maybe the Jailer will tell our frens how you follow her in each room an make sure the toilet monster doesn’t bite her bum. Maybe she will even show da sink pictures.

Hodge: why you do dis?

Nutmeg: ai want a cut of the spoils.

Hai Frens, is me, Hansum Hodge. Today Ai did many crimez dat made mai Jailer most peterbeded. Nutmeg’s pawpaw lef cut up bred on eyeland for sumfin called crewtons. Ai maiself hab found dat bred is fun to cronch on! So Ai crunched in it when mai Jailer and Nutmeg’s paw went aways. The pupper, Finndropit, is getting real tall so he can get places we can’t. We may form an alliance!

Den when Jailer came back, Dey started outside playing in dirt. She called it ‘gardening.’ Ai call it filthy. Dey eben got Finndropit wet. He went crazy! Ai maiself don’t see ishue wif watters but many kitties do.

Da coup da gracé was Ai can jump all da way to da very top shelf now! An guess what? Deer are plants dere! Ai lub plants. A cos ai am gud brofur, ai nock down sukulent so Nutmeg can do a crunchcrunchcrunch. Sadly, mai Jailer heard the last gasp ob da plant an took it away.

Anyways an ferebber, Ai am plum tukered out.

GO CRIMEZ

After losing HB four days after being laid off, we finally opened our home to this good boy. He’s 9 weeks old, so in full land shark. Finn is as smart as a whip, loves his kitty brother and sister, and balls. My god does this pup loves balls.

Hai frens, is me, Nutmeg! Guess wat? Ai maiself did a crime on the Lady! Dis mornin affer eepy time, she start to put outdoor furs on. Affore dat, she nekkid! One ob her furs has strong bouncy ribbons on it. Ai did a leep cos ribbon so fun! She say “I’m trying to get dressed you OWOWOW!”

Mai escape was foileded by my back claws getting cot on her furs dat cover her borrhole an over no touchy bits. Ai laf an laf!

Go CRIMEZ!

Did an action shot on me beeting up Boris da rat.

Frens, is me, Nutmeg. Doze ob you who says illegalsmol pupper was movin in were right. Da creature hab teefs! His name is Finnigan an his toy, well now my toy, is Casey. He get to go ousside! No fair! Ai maiself sing the song of my people wif Hodge to voice da unfairness but dum hoomin dum.

Ai maiself am fine wif pupper. Ai teach him how to play nice wif dis way.

Finn: TEEFSAILUBYUSLOBBERS

Nutemg: Finn, what did da beans say to da face?

Finn: TEEFS

Nutmeg: bapbapbap

Finn: oh ok. Ai be more polite

Hodge is bein sucky illegalsmol.

Hodge: Am not!

Nutmeg: Are so! Why you by “Jailer” lap den?

Hodge: Cos it fat an warm?

Nutmeg: pfft. An she pick you up like bébé an sing da song ob HER peoples

Hodge: nuh uh. Pics or no happen

Nutmeg: Anyways, it ok Ai guess. We just wanna go outside and hunt dings day arent sticks. Who hunt stick? Sheesh

Signed: Nutmeg, Queen ob House

Frens, is me Hansum Hodge an me too Nutmeg! Our hoomans did an abandonment some sleeps ago. So we got substitute hooman Amy came a sleeps wif us an gib so many churus we forgotted about our Jailer.

Nutmeg: ai no forget about pawpaw. Ai lub him so much!

Hodge: shush

Nutmeg: no shush! What you gunna do? Soo? Ai am catto a you can no soo other cattos!

Hodge: <growl> anyways, when mai jailer come back she broughted a tall purrgola, taller dan eben her! It was bery great! But den, she bringed more stuff in our house! See attached. She say is all for Finn. Ai… ai dun think dat Finn is noder catto.

Nutmeg: who is Finn? Ai maiself not share my sketti or churus! Dry can get own churus

Hodge: Ai dunno who Finn is! Ai dun trust Jailer! Frens, is a doggo movin in to mine own haws?

Nutmeg: wassa doggo?

Hodge: did our Jailer do bribes? Is she a crimnol too!?!

Toodles (void) or Cosmo (sic)?