I don’t know what to call my experience.
I ask anyone who sees this to PLEASE read the full thing I need advice. I’ll be fully transparent here because I’m not clean. To start, my sister who is two and a half years younger than me would randomly take her pants off and I used to complain about it to my parents because I was uncomfortable with it. Then she would start slapping my buttox (Im male) because me and my brother did that to each other so since she did it to me I did to her as well without sexual intent. She would also like to put her feet in my genital area because it would tickle and it was funny to her, so I’d do the same. She would also tickle me a lot and I grew a huge fear of being tickled. When I would get undressed for the shower she would always try with her life to see me naked, and I was very uncomfortable with that, I definitely didn’t reciprocate. She also always wanted to shower with me after we went swimming and I agreed to it. Eventually she started this “secret thing” where me and her would cuss and hide it from her parents, and one time she wanted to see my genitals so we went out to the hammock in our backyard and she showed me hers and told me to show her mine and I agreed to that as well. Im 15 now and this happened when I was 9. I cannot stand her and have bad agitation and disgusted around her. If im physically touched or can feel her body heat I shut down and feel terrible. She is completely fine though, not very weird towards me, but also not disgusted. I have dreams about her having sex with me and wake up hating myself and HATING her. I don’t know what to do and what this was but it’s hindering my life and my whole family’s, she is kind of depressed as well and I don’t want to make it worse for her but I still can’t stand her.