u/SnooDoodles4665

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_Relationships/s/sI1C9lZlAr

Update: UPDATE:

A lot of people asked me to update after my last post, so here it is.

I renewed my apartment lease today.

Honestly, hitting submit on the renewal was a lot harder emotionally than I expected. I think because deep down it made everything feel final. Not moving in together pretty much confirmed the end of the relationship.

We haven’t spoken since last Saturday and based on how that night ended, it was clear things were already falling apart. The ending wasn’t calm or pretty and I do regret that. I wish after almost 5 years together we could’ve had a softer, more amicable ending instead of another emotional collapse. But at the same time, I think we already had our “final conversations” too many times over the years.

At some point, another conversation just becomes reopening wounds instead of creating closure.

It seems I focused primarily on the parent living situation, but the truth is it became bigger than that. The situation exposed deeper incompatibilities between us — communication, boundaries, family dynamics, emotional safety, and how we handled conflict. I loved him deeply, but I also realized I was constantly anxious about my future and where I stood in his life.

Renewing my lease wasn’t me choosing my apartment over him. It was me choosing stability instead of making a huge life decision while the relationship was in shambles.

I still love him. I still miss him. And a part of me probably always will. But I also know love alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship that keeps breaking apart and rebuilding the same way.

Right now I’m just trying to adjust to a quieter life and focus on myself again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_Relationships/s/sI1C9lZlAr

Update: I renewed my lease.

A lot of people asked me to update after my last post, so here it is.

I renewed my apartment lease today.

Honestly, hitting submit on the renewal was a lot harder emotionally than I expected. I think because deep down it made everything feel final. Not moving in together pretty much confirmed the end of the relationship.

We haven’t spoken since last Saturday and based on how that night ended, it was clear things were already falling apart. The ending wasn’t calm or pretty and I do regret that. I wish after almost 5 years together we could’ve had a softer, more amicable ending instead of another emotional collapse. But at the same time, I think we already had our “final conversations” too many times over the years.

At some point, another conversation just becomes reopening wounds instead of creating closure.

A lot of people focused on the parent living situation, but the truth is it became bigger than that. The situation exposed deeper incompatibilities between us — communication, boundaries, family dynamics, emotional safety, and how we handled conflict. I loved him deeply, but I also realized I was constantly anxious about my future and where I stood in his life.

Renewing my lease wasn’t me choosing my apartment over him. It was me choosing stability instead of making a huge life decision while the relationship was in shambles.

I still love him. I still miss him. And a part of me probably always will. But I also know love alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship that keeps breaking apart and rebuilding the same way.

Right now I’m just trying to adjust to a quieter life and focus on myself again.

Me (32F) and my fiancé (36M) have been together almost 5 years. Our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs. Early on, I moved into his house after only 4 months together. We lived together for a little over a year, but constant arguments led to him wanting a “break,” which meant I had to move out. We eventually reconciled and stayed together while living separately for the next 3 years.
Recently, he bought a new 5-bedroom home, proposed to me, and wanted us to move in together again and start fresh. However, there are a few issues:
He bought the home without me and my name is not on the deed.
He’s making all the decisions regarding furniture and layout.
The biggest issue: he’s moving in his mom and stepdad.
I like his mom and stepdad, but there’s a major language barrier. I barely speak Spanish and they barely speak English. His mom is very traditional and believes women should always be cooking and cleaning. My fiancé is also very defensive when it comes to his family.
His mom and stepdad are struggling financially and may lose their current place. I understand wanting to help family, and I even tried suggesting other solutions and offered financial help, but he insists they move in with us “temporarily,” which he says could be 1–2 years.
This affects me a lot because I’d be giving up my apartment and independence to move into a home where I don’t really feel comfortable or prioritized. He recently bought his mom a new car and is covering the payments and insurance too. When I expressed my concerns, he basically said our family values may not align and if I’m uncomfortable living with his parents, then maybe we just shouldn’t live together.
Another issue is my cat. I’ve had him for over 8 years and my fiancé has always known we’re a package deal. His mom hates cats and at first he told me he didn’t want my cat moving in. He eventually backed down, but now I worry there will always be tension over him.
I also work from home, while his mom and stepdad will be home most of the day too, so I’d constantly be around them. I don’t feel close enough to his mother to comfortably share a home, especially long term.
My lease ends in June, and now I feel like I unexpectedly have to rush to find another apartment.
Am I wrong or selfish for not wanting to move into this situation?

Me ‘32/F’ and my fiancé ‘36/M’ have been together for almost 5 years. Our relationship had a lot of ups and downs. In the beginning of the relationship I moved in with him after only dating for 4 months, I moved into his home, lived there for a little over a year. Arguments were consistent and he felt the need for us to take a break, meaning I had to leave. It was a lot. Surprisingly we reconciled the relationship and stayed together but lived separately for another 3 years.

36/M recently purchased another bigger home, proposed to me and wanted us to start again the right way, move back in, take the next step in the relationship and rebuild our lives. Well there were a few hiccups with that. 1. He purchased the home without me/ my name will not be on the deed. 2. He’s taking the lead on choosing the furniture and layout of the home. And 3 ( the biggest of them all) he’s moving in his mom and stepdad.

The home is 5 bedrooms, spacious but not like a mansion or anything. I’m cool with his mom and stepdad but there is a huge language barrier, I don’t speak Spanish that well and they don’t speak English. She is a very traditional, cultural woman. If you’re not cleaning or cooking your not a good woman. My fiancé is a mommas boy, he tends to get very defensive when there is something against or negative towards his family. His mom and stepdad need help, they are financially down and might be getting kicked out of their home. I’ve expressed to him that I don’t feel comfortable living with them. I even tried coming up with a game plan to help her living situation and was even willing to help financially, he insisted she should just move in till she’s back in her feet. He said it could be a year or two.

I respect that he wants to help his mom but this affects me tremendously. Plus he just bought her a brand new car and is taking over the payments and insurance. Long story short, he pretty much said my family values don’t align with his and if I feel uncomfortable living with his mom and stepdad then I guess we just won’t live with each other.

I wanted to get your opinions on this. What are your thoughts on living with the in-laws? Any pros and cons to share? Could I just be overthinking this? In addition I have a cat who’s been with me for over 8 years. His mom hates cats, shortly after he told me he doesn’t want my cat to move in. That was my deal breaker because he’s always known me with my cat. He eventually gave in but now i feel like the mom is going to find a way to get rid of him. Plus i work from home and she doesn’t work and the stepdad will no longer be working so I’m with them all day. I’ll never get to cook my fiancé a meal because she will take over and own the kitchen. The relationship between me and his mother is no where near strong enough for me to feel comfortable living there. My lease ends towards the end of June and now i feel like i have to unexpectedly look for a new apartment quick.