Hi. I am a mostly closeted probably trans woman. It hurts but the thoughts and depression caught up. I have terrible imposter syndrome lol
I draw, play videogames... And sleep???
I dunno I just want somebody new to refer to me this way.
I wish I was a girl almost everyday. But it feels impossible and I feel like a rebellious dummy rather than something real...
Im super negative I'm sorry
In Middle School i was much more consistent in grades, I had better attendance, And I was less of a procrastinator.
Now in high-school have mostly Cs and Ds and more missing assignments than ever. Ive gotten lazier and I dont wanna be but its gotten so much more unbearable to just walk to the bus stop. And sit down for boring shit i dont care about.
This isn't exactly a new opinion most people hate school but you'd think doing something for so long would make me BETTER at it. But ive gotten more depressed and anxious about so many things its difficult to do more than play video games and draw.
How do I get better at something when I cant heal from my mental issues?
I always have to initiate because nobody finds me interesting enough to go up to. I feel like i cant have meaningful or truly caring friends cuz I dont deserve it im weird and have done weird things.
I get excited when im the topic of conversation for a mere second. I asked if my wisdom teeth bruises were noticeable to some people i know and it felt so nice to actually feel listened to. Its so pathetic.
It leads to me copying what others say like "Okay" or "Hmm" small things like that to fill the space since i dont know what to say otherwise. Then people say i am annoying, Mocking them, And I am not funny. I try too hard... way too hard.
So many people have a click or a group they stick to. I just bounce around i know a lot of people's names... but I dont KNOW them.
No partner, No friend group i just stay home. This is nothing new to say because apparently everyone deals with this... so why is everyone else so happy except me?
There are times i just get so uncomfortable in my skin just looking at a girl. Fictional or no i get severe envy and feel like dying.
Same with content creators who are women i get so pissed at them with envy and I know its not right. I cant help but cuss them out in my head cuz theyre just "better"
Women just seem to have it so much better but then all i hear is women complain about being one so then I know i am crazy... its impossible for me to feel happy with myself sometimes :D
Maybe its not being trans and I just wish I looked better.
Genderfluidity sucks. Why couldn't I be born a woman who's slightly androgynous.
I love him so much. I cant choose between him or Ryuji as my fave.
Yusukes almost comical way of making everything about art
And Ryuji saying "FOR REAL!" along with being your ride or die almost.
If you could gay romance i would pick one of these two btw.
Still salty about that Atlus just say you're homophobic if you'd rather me date my EFFIN TEACHER
People say i look emo and i really need a haircut i really dont see it and i like my hair mid length but people say it looks stupid and gay... whatever that means.
Also thats my aunts cat in the second picture he likes to perch on your shoulders his name is Dunkin.
Im bored and remembered the sub allows selfies on weekends so im here now.
Art dump! Cat pictures are from today and the one where he's sleeping are from last week. he's my beautiful boy named Momo hes my son and im his Mama!!
Art dates from last month to the month before. A lil late
But yeah i need to do more full body art. I have one done but idk if its good enough to show lol.
Anyways have a good rest of your evening
Goodbye from your local (or not) Nerdy Gal!!