u/Spaceboy2xx1

Me and my mom were at the store today.

I went to go pay for my groceries. I hadn't called to check because my money always drops on the 15th.

I swiped. $0 available.

When i got to the truck, I checked my EBT edge. It says "no pending benefits."

I recieved no paper notification, no text, no phone call. All my paperwork is up to date. The state is aware i am disabled and working on getting SSI.

I have no idea what's going on and I hate not being able to provide for my share.

My new day program knows almost nothing about gluten, at all. They put a flag in my chart when I told them, though.

People ask me questions like...can I have potatoes? Ice cream? Crackers/cookies?

They offer $1 lunches but I pack my own because much of it is cheap, filling food that will hurt me one way or another.

I had someone ask me if they could get me a dessert for birthday cake events, but i waved them off. I usually just bring something from home because I don't enjoy most packaged stuff very often.

We have after hours events that include food, which were terrifying for me to consider. My first event they had pizza- they set me loose in the fridge/pantry so I made (crappy) nachos with leftovers.

Today we had a picnic. I approached the staff who was taking us & planned my meal with her. "That rotisserie chicken & potatoes you guys had earlier this week looked delicious. Could you just heat it up for me with some cheese & ranch?" Then I bought a candy bar from the party store.

I try so hard not to be difficult, but I also want to be able to participate safely without pain. I really appreciate stuff like this.

They told me how bad they felt for me and shit, I was like...man I don't care. I've lived like this for 2 years. It's just my life. I can roll with it.

I have been GF for 2 years.

I am not diagnosed, but after being sick my entire life I did take my reaction to gluten seriously.

When I do get takeout I try to order the safest thing on the menu like potatoes or a bunless burger, I'm usually fine.

When I get a frozen pizza I can put down about 2 slices even when I don't eat that heavy these days.

Well I didn't buy myself a safe pizza this time, so I decided to put a bet on Hungry Howies. When I got GF things from Jets last year & got sick, I blamed it on not being able to digest carbs anymore.

Nope. While eating it was a God Tier experience I hadn't experienced in years, that familiar queasy, icky, sick feeling crept back in. I ate the leftovers today because I'm not one to waste things but now i'm pleading for it to leave my system.

Lesson learned. On the bright side I got 2 pizzas at Aldi for 50% off today so I will be safe for the future.

I am aware the longer you are GF the more sensitive you can become, that no reaction doesn't mean no damage, & GF items are cross contaminated.

For some reason I believe I am not actually sick & i'm just making this whole thing up until I go off my safe diet & get smacked with reality 😖

My cat has had several complete workups at the vet. He's been dewormed, fixed, clean bill of health.

Last time he started pooping on the floor we took him to the vet to no avail. He's been to the vet several times. Last time we blamed it on worms, this time he seems to have a lot of hairballs.

He stops for a while then he will start again for one reason or another which is unknown to me. This has been ongoing for at least 6 months or more.

This time around he started pooping on my bed, under my bed, generally hiding it more. Sometimes it seems like more of an accident than others. I had to scrub poop off my bed 3 times this week, + 1 from under my bed, & 1 in the living room. We do use enzyme cleaner.

Sometimes it's normal, sometimes it's runny.

This morning at 5:30am, i woke up to him not just spraying, but taking a full pee on my freshly cleaned bed and my hand. Everything is soaked. My only guess was he wanted let out for wet food but who knows.

In the last few weeks, i have made sure to take him outside on his leash more often, he enjoys that. He's already on sensitive stomach food & treats. His litter box is cleaned several times a day. I don't reinforce behaviors nor do i punish him.

It's gotten to the point I shut him in my bedroom at night because I fear him pissing off the other people in the house with his behaviors. He of course has food, water, a litter box, & his scratching post.

I don't know what advice I need- I am also just very upset about me and my bed being peed on :( i don't know what we should do, or ask a vet for, or anything.

I haven't struggled this much with top surgery or even my decision for my hysto + ooph.

With top surgery, i was so excited to have it done, like Christmas or something.

Bottom surgery, to me, feels like getting a tooth pulled. So much anxiety/fear, but knowing it will make me feel better so it needs to be done.

Being non-binary my feelings about my genitals fluctuate but some things have always remained constant.

I have thought about meta for over 9 years now, obsess over it on my dysphoric weeks. Other weeks I'm like eh, i can live like this.

There was a time years ago that I had severe bottom dysphoria & packed 24/7.

The facts are clear: I stopped liking penetration years ago. I developed painful atrophy that I refuse to use my cream for. I disassociate during sex. I loathe having to hold my pee until I can find a toliet. I hate invasive internal exams. My anatomy is just a weird blob.

Obviously I know there's different options, but I always said if I was getting it done, I'd just get everything done, UL especially.

I found a surgeon, we won't be moving forward until my tummy tuck consult with his colleague in November, but now I'm getting cold feet again.

I guess...I don't know what's freaking me out. This organ has been a part of me for a long time. It's not perfect, but I'm used to it. Recovery & the subsequent 3 surgeries are a long, painful process. Fear of things going poorly, adjusting to new anatomy, the unknown.

After top surgery i didn't heal well & I never got my sensation back. Never orgasming again would suck.

And while I know it's shallow, I am concerned about it affecting future relationships. I suppose it could help my cause, depending on what way the person swings.

I just need to find a way to keep my head in the game & see this through, i guess.