u/SparklyMoon80s

This is such a long story. I'm just going to share the recent communication I just received from someone I've been seeing for almost a year. He has been without a vehicle/transportation for almost a year. From the beginning, I did notice a few red flags, when I would set boundaries or set my limitations with him, he would get irritated and would respond with a "look" of how do you even have the audacity to ask that? For a whole year practically he has been without a vehicle, I pay the rent all bills etc, and haven't asked him to pay for anything other than need gas money on occasion,another long story. The first 3 months I gave him a ride to work in the morning and would pick him up after work everyday of the week. I work full time. Off on weekends. On my Sunday's off, I would drive him to his mother's so he could look after her and then I would either stay there or pick him up later that evening. Here it is almost 1 year later, he's trying to get a job now but as usual the transportation is falling all back on my shoulders. Again this is a long story, but I just need to vent because my anxiety has gone through the roof since I've been dating him. He also has controlling type issues as well. He has these expectations of me to stay up late and to sit after I've worked all day and work on business stuff etc "for our future" etc. Which I can appreciate, but I need my rest. So I'm called lazy and whiny etc. Fast forward to today, I just took him to his mom's last Sunday and then took off Monday afternoon so he could go get his drug screen etc, and now the issue is I told him today I can't be giving him a ride to and from work 7 days a week. I told him I could do five...I wish he wouldve found a job closer, I have severe ADHD and I'm not trying to make excuses, and I know I can do a lot better on many of my goals, but sometimes he's just so cold to me and he could care less that I cry which he sees and hears. I just can't seem to ever meet his performance expectations on many levels. Not too long ago he asked me tell me what you've done for me? I said I've been loyal to you I love you I've been taking you to your mom's every Sunday for almost a year. His response was you act like you need a badge for that or something. He says he would only need about a month or more maybe two at the most of me taking him to and from work, and I know that it's only temporary, I just wish there was someone else that could help out and that he didn't always put the transportation on my shoulders. I mentioned him trying to get an Uber a few days out of the week and he looked at me like I was nuts. Please see text in "quotes" below he just sent me and let me know your thoughts. I appreciate any advice I'm also open to criticism, I truly want to be there for him as much as I can, I just feel so wiped out after trying to meet his needs for almost a year, and he still isn't happy with me. I currently am in therapy. I do struggle with seeking validation, etc. I am also a people pleaser type as well. Here is what he sent me by text earlier today::::: ▶️"I feel just like your suv,you use and abuse it. Dog it out no matter with all the warning and signs you just ignore it. Then when things fall apart you want to Blame life and how hard things are when you have every opportunity to make things better.

The man in me saw this and wanted to fix it.

But logic says why? Why fix something you're not allowed to use? Why help someone that isn't trying to help you?

You've proven to me time and time again that I can't rely on you. All you want to do is sit around and do nothing to make your life better.

You expect credit when you do something that 9 times out of 10 needs to be done anyway!

You have been your own downfall from day one with your control and limitations. You're a bare minimum person and never exceeds for greatness.

So this is my conclusion if they say they need me 7 days a week I will go elsewhere to make sure I can get there and move forward without you.

If they allow me to work 5 days a week then we'll see how well you can handle that much without crying about it.

Other than that you've left me no choice but to move forward without you. With you I can't do nothing and you refuse to do anything above and beyond, just mediocre and complain about your own doing.

Here's a realistic fact!

In 7 weeks less than 2 months I could have the truck fixed and food in the house. Put gas in your car which puts a little extra money in your pockets.

Because you're helping I also HELP get your suv back up to par before you destroy it by ignoring the dashboard.

You say you just want me not my money when in reality We both know you want the money as well. If not just the money.

Because I pleasure myself for a lil over a month. I clean up after you I cook for us. I do everything for myself. I get my truck I even take myself every time I need to be.

Then what?

The only thing I get from you is arguing and talking bout you. Nothing positive no goals. Just dwelling in negativity.

7 weeks less than two months to make life easier.

Or do nothing !

Lose a good man And struggle. How long do you think your car is going to last by the way you're treating it?

Then what back to doing things to make ends meet again? Smh Your choice Let me know when I get there or before.

But you need to wake up."

Is there anyone else out there who understands? I've been in this relationship for about a year. It's been the most exhausting relationship. Long story short I deal with seeking validation, not trusting my own intuition, pleasing others to get love, and looking for love in the wrong places. Especially in my early twenties; looking for security in men, etc. It took me until I was in my early forties to realize I didn't value myself as a woman. I struggle with severe ADHD, meds make me tired after work and also have a hard time making general life decisions sometimes, especially on my own. Deep down, I know there's nothing wrong with me, but I can never seem to do enough to make my partner I've been with for about a year, the goal posts are constantly shifting, I feel like I need to complete all his tasks on his performance list to be loved and valued unconditionally by him. I can never do enough to make him happy. I pick up after myself and try to make sure the bathroom is clean. I try to make sure dinner's ready when he gets home and let him know where I'm going etc. But even when I'm doing these things, they're rarely ever acknowledged. I recently was told that I've wasted his time over the last 11 months. I know I haven't followed through on his schedules that he wants me to be on which includes meeting his intimate needs whenever he aske. He wants me to stay up late several nights a week to work on a business we were supposed to be working on together, but I just can't do it. I tried in the beginning and was staying up until 2 and 3 am several nights a week working on stuff with him but just couldn't keep up. I was falling asleep at work and was sleeping on my lunch breaks. I've explained to him how this schedule affects me physically. I have a hard time sitting still after work, I feel like I'm not getting credit for anything that I do actually do. He hasn't paid rent in a year, I haven't asked him to pay rent. I've wanted him to get on his feet. I'm just constantly criticized and seem to always irritate him. Why don't I give myself the respect that I deserve? He will say things like I know several people and they say that I am so dramatic. I've never been made to feel so bad by another. I'm tired of trying to prove my worth and value to him. I know I've got to make a decision about this relationship. I just can't seem to follow through on his list of stuff he wants me to do every day. I feel a trauma bond. One time he even took a video of my toilet because I hadn't cleaned it one day out of the week. I couldn't believe he did that. He knows that I clean. He has so many demands. I've never had someone make me feel so bad about just needing some emotional support, to just be heard. I try to let him know where I'm at all the time, I try to make sure dinner's ready. I try to clean up after myself and give him more attention but sometimes I just need some time to breathe, a time to rest with no demands when I get home. Is there anyone else out there going through this kind of nonsense? My heart goes out to you. Please know that I hear you.