u/Spiritual-Badass

TW: Suicide attempt mentioned but no gore/details provided.

On 6/2 (a few weeks ago) I hung myself in my kitchen and had to be airlifted to a trauma center two hours away. I was clinically “gone” for 8 mins according to the medics, flight crew & deputies who worked on me.

However, I don’t remember any of it. I didn’t see a bright light, meet relatives, hear a calming welcoming voice…none of that. It was just nothing. From the moment I “did the deed” to the moment I woke up in the ER wearing a neck brace & having no clue what happened, I don’t remember anything else.

I’ve always been extremely spiritual (but not religious) so this has been kinda messing with me quite a bit. I have always leaned towards reincarnation as a belief of what happens once we pass, but now I’m just not sure anymore. I’m really hoping that something did in fact happen and I just can’t remember bc I wasn’t really in this realm anymore, but I’ve read about so many people having NDE’s and remembering them so I’m not sure why I can’t 🥺

For additional context, I spent two weeks in the hospital and am staying with my parents for the time being. I’m also doing intensive outpatient treatment and am doing much better than I was 😊 Hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day/night!!

TW: Mention of a suicide attempt. No gore/details/bodily fluids mentioned.

Hi friends, hope all is well! I’ll preface by saying that that day had been building for months and it happened very very quickly. One minute I’m taking a shot of Moonshine (even tho I had been sober since 2018) and the next I’m waking up in the ER being told I hung myself and was airlifted to a trauma center two hours away. I don’t remember any of it. I literally remember taking a few shots then texting someone then pulling back my covers to take a nap. I wasn’t even aware what happened. I had called 911 to let them know so that my parents wouldnt find me and was clinically “gone” for about 8 mins according to the paramedics and deputies who worked on me.

I spent a week in the trauma center then another week in the psych ward and was released to my parents home where I’m currently staying. Unfortunately, the day after I got home I found out my 10 year old fur baby had a tumor on her spleen (following a bad seizure) that was causing internal bleeding. They said surgery would be expensive and couldn’t guarantee a good quality of life even if she had it. Unfortunately, I made the horrible decision to put her down as I wanted her to go painlessly and with dignity with me right by her side the entire time. I was the last thing she saw as I petted her, told her I loved her, and thanked her for her companionship over the years. It broke me even more than I was already broken.

I am doing outpatient treatment weekly and have kept all my appointments, but I feel like I’m in this weird liminal transitional space and not sure how to move forward. I know, when I return home, Maggie’s death will really hit me. I’m also afraid that I might regain memories from “that day” as I’ll be back in that environment. I’ve talked to my therapist and have decided to stay with my folks for another month as I’m still pretty early in my recovery phase (still less than one month out).

They did remove two meds and add a few, but it’s hard to tell whether things are working until a month has passed (in my experience). I’m no longer suicidal, but I still feel like an incredible burden to those around me. For context, I’m a recovering addict/alcoholic who had been clean/sober since 2018 (except for 6/2 right before my attempt) so I’ve caused a TON of irreparable damage & heartache over the years. I had convinced myself that I was doing it for them. I told myself they would grieve for a year then move on and finally have a happy life without me there to screw stuff up. I know, in a healthy state, thats not true, but a suicidal mind is a sick mind so it’s hard to be convinced of the truth when you’ve spent so long believing the lies.

I’m also a very spiritual (non-religious) person and another thing that has really been on my mind is that I didn’t experience anything. No white light, no guiding voice, no meeting relatives, etc. It was just nothingness. So now I’m kinda reevaluating my spirituality which I don’t even have the mental capacity to do right now lol. So I’ve put that on the back burner for a bit 😂

I guess my main question is…aside from outpatient therapy what are some things I could/should be doing to get past this “hump”? I just feel stuck and I know I’ll have to go home at some point, but I just don’t know that I’m ready yet. I’ve tried to journal and I’ve tried a few different hobbies, but it’s just hard to focus and I tend to get restless…possibly side effects of the meds maybe? I’m not sure if I’m allowed to disclose my new meds here, but if so I’ll be happy to provide that in the comments if needed 😊 I hope you all have an amazingly wonderful rest of your day/night!!

I hate this. Absolutely despise this junk and what it’s done to me mentally. I’ve got over 7 years clean & sober off hard drugs & alcohol, but this crap has a hold on me stronger than ANYTHING I’ve done in the past. I just don’t understand it.

For context, I went inpatient in March after “an attempt” and severe mental health crisis so while I was there I detoxed with the meds they gave me. Haven’t touched it since, but it creeps into my mind DAILY and I’m so tired of it.

I’m literally sitting here with $300 in my hand and telling myself that could be spent on much better things, but it’s just the mental hold this junk has that is so exhausting! Im really hoping that passes with time, and having this community helps a ton! Plus, I love having money to do things now, buy gifts, take my mom out for lunch, etc but it seems every time I get a little bit of money my mind automatically goes to 7 🤦🏻‍♂️

There’s a huge 7ft tall metal farm rooster from Tractor Supply (around $200) that my mom has wanted for years, but I’ve never had the spare money to get it for her. Thinking about using this money to get her that 😊💜

For context, I’m a queer hippie white male American so that should sum it up 😂

I used to somewhat partake in the news as I liked to be informed, but lately I just have to actively avoid it. My dad looooves watching the news daily all day long and he knows when I’m visiting that we have to watch The Golden Girls instead 😂

Part of my brain tells me I’m just a weak p*ssy, but the other part of my brain has literally just shut down it seems. Sadly, I think this is what “the establishment” is trying to accomplish. To get us so overwhelmed that we’re numb and just stop caring. I’ve even stopped watching my favorite creators who simply summarize important points/news as even that has become too much.

The intention behind this post is NOT to be political as I see both sides/parties as coming from the same root problem. I don’t consider myself one or the other and have huge issues with both. Obviously, I lean towards one side lol but Please keep the comments civilized. This is not meant to be a right vs left debate or anything. However, if the mods deem this post as problematic please remove.

I know I’m not the only person who’s gotten to this point. What coping mechanisms do you implement when it comes to “news fatigue”? Do you avoid it all together or have you found a way around it in a healthy manner? Thanks friends!!

I know, these damn things don’t give you REAL joy but I always felt so motivated, happier, and in a much better mood. Now I’m just blah. I find it hard to do anything. Even getting out of bed is sometimes a struggle. For context, I already struggle with my mental health which is the main reason it’s been so damn hard to quit this junk. I always think, “If this is what I’m gonna feel like without them, then I don’t thjnk I can do it.” So then I go back to it and it seems to be a Neverending cycle. I’ve stuck with it so far and I’m HOPING that this fog will pass and that I’ll eventually get back to normal, but it just sucks. Getting some of them literally crosses my mind every damn day, multiple times so it takes everything I have to not go. I’m sure this is probably PAWS, but interested to hear about others experiences with this. Thanks!! 😊

I tried searching for this particular post & couldn’t really find it so hopefully this isn’t a recent repeat lol. If it is, please forgive me and delete.

But yeah, pick your villain then pick your weapon. However, it has to be the same weapon throughout the entire film (other than hand-to-hand combat without a weapon) but no switching it up lol.

The more creative, the better 😊