u/StillOnWatch

I have a military deployment tomorrow. It’s not my first, and definitely won’t be my last, but I always feel incredibly lonely right before I leave.
It’s a weird feeling. Heavy. Painful.
And I know that two or three days from now, I’ll be fine.
I just needed to say that. That’s all.

Add:

Thank you all for the genuine kindness. Your words mean more to me than you probably realize. I caught myself smiling while reading them

I wanted to write something a little more balanced.

I’ve read countless posts about the Navy on Reddit, and I can’t help but feel that people mostly share their worst experiences.
That’s understandable people usually vent when they’re exhausted, frustrated, or angry.

So I thought I’d share what has been good and what has been difficult.

I’m a 30M
I joined the Navy when I was 18, but the truth is, I had wanted to join for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t an impulsive decision. It was a childhood dream.

If there’s one thing the Navy gave me more than anything else, it wasn’t a career.
It gave me a different version of myself.

The Navy has a way of reshaping people. It forces parts of you to grow that ordinary life probably never would.

You learn to function under pressure.
You learn to make decisions while exhausted.
You learn that sometimes failure simply isn’t an option.

There isn’t much room for excuses.
“Yes, sir.”
“No, sir.”
You keep moving.

I’ve lived through incredibly difficult days. I’ve lost things that mattered to me, just like everyone else who has served long enough.
Long deployments.
Missing family.
Missing birthdays.
Months away from home.

Living in places that don’t feel like home at all.
But without the Navy…

I honestly don’t know who I would have become.
The Navy doesn’t just give you a profession.
It gives you an entire way of living.

You’re constantly being corrected.
Everything feels urgent.
Everything seems important.
Then, somewhere along the way, something changes.

You begin to understand the difference between what is truly important… and what only feels important.

The Navy also teaches gratitude in strange ways.
A quiet room.

Cold air conditioning after weeks of unbearable heat.

A clean bathroom.
A good cup of coffee in complete silence.
Sleeping without expecting an alarm or an emergency.

A day where absolutely nothing happens.
Most people call those ordinary days.

You begin to see them as luxury.
I still remember something a friend once told me:
“Enjoy your meaningless days*.”*
At first, I didn’t understand what he meant.
Now I do.

Because one day you’ll realize that peaceful, uneventful days were never meaningless at all.
Were there things I hated?

Absolutely.
Some leaders shouldn’t be leaders.
Some days are unfair.
Sometimes your personal life pays the price.
Sometimes you wonder whether all of it is worth it.
But I also stood in the middle of the ocean at sunrise, with nothing around me except water in every direction.
I’ve watched storms that reminded me how small human beings really are.
I’ve visited places I would never have seen otherwise.
I’ve met people who became brothers.
Would I recommend joining?
Not to everyone.

If you’re looking for comfort, predictable schedules, weekends, and an easy life ..
The Navy probably isn’t for you.
But if you’re willing to sacrifice comfort in exchange for experiences that will shape who you become…
Then it may give you far more than just a job.
It might give you another version of yourself.

We broke up four years ago after being together for ten years. I loved her more than I can put into words.
Since we separated, I haven’t been in another relationship. I tried to move on. I met hundreds of new people, hoping one of them would help me forget her.
But even now, before I go to sleep, I still read our old messages. I look at her photos. I listen to her voice over and over again.
And deep down, I still wish… I still wish there were a way for us to find our way back to each other.

Guys, my girlfriend still says the best sex we ever had was the day I came home after burying my brother.
I’d been crying for hours. We ended up having sex, and she said I was incredibly intense and passionate.
I’ve always wondered why. Any ideas?

I’m about to turn 30.

I feel like I’ve already gone through the phase of building myself. I started working at a young age, built a good career, traveled a lot, and lived a life full of experiences.

But after all of that… I’m still alone.
I live by myself, and for some reason I still can’t let anyone get close enough to build a life with me.

The feeling I keep coming back to is that I’ll never be enough for anyone who chooses to be part of my life.

The strange thing is, I know what I want.
I want to be a father. I want to be a family man. I want people around me that I genuinely care about, and who care about me too.

I have a home. I have my own car. I make enough money to live comfortably.
But lately I’ve realized those things aren’t enough on their own.

I think before we spend years chasing the things we believe will eventually bring us a family, we probably need to spend more time looking inward and understanding ourselves first.

Maybe that’s where the real work begins.

I served in a war years ago, and I don’t think I’ve ever truly left it.

People imagine that the hardest part is the bullets, the explosions, or the fear of dying.

For me, it was everything that came after.

For months, every unknown vehicle made me pay attention. Every loud sound made my body react before my mind did. I became so used to sleeping lightly that even years later I still wake up at the smallest noise.

The strange part is that life moved on for everyone else.

Friends got married.
People changed jobs.
Children grew up.

But a part of me still lives in those days.
I don’t usually tell people I was there. Most don’t ask, and I don’t know how to explain what it’s like to carry memories that don’t fit into normal conversations.

Sometimes I miss the people I served with more than I miss my own home from that time. We shared things that are impossible to explain unless you’ve lived through them.

I function normally.
I work.
I laugh.
I travel .. Most people would never guess.
But every now and then, something small brings me right back.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.
Maybe I just wanted someone to know that even when a war ends, it doesn’t always end inside the people who survived it.

I’ll turn 30 in a week.

I don’t know why, but I’m scared.

It’s not that I think life ends at 30.
I’ve already lived on my own for years, built a career, traveled, and accomplished things I’m proud of.

Yet this birthday feels different.

I can’t even explain what I’m afraid of.

Did anyone else feel this way before turning 30?

I work at sea.

Sometimes I’m gone for weeks at a time with no internet, no phone calls, and very little contact with the outside world. Life becomes simple out there. You wake up, work, eat, sleep, and watch the horizon repeat itself day after day.

Something strange happens to me every time.

While I’m away, I miss people. I miss my family, my friends, conversations, noise, and human connection. I start imagining a different life.

I think about marriage.
I think about having children.
I think about coming home and building something permanent instead of constantly leaving.

Then I come back.

When I arrive, there’s no one waiting for me. No warm welcome, no one at the door. I just call my mother to tell her that I’m back on land again.

And within a day or two, the feeling disappears.

I find myself wanting silence. I stop replying to people. I spend time alone. I enjoy sitting in my apartment with no plans and no conversations.

The same person who dreamed about family and connection while at sea suddenly wants solitude again.

This has happened so many times that I’ve stopped thinking it’s a coincidence.
I’ve lived alone for over a decade, so maybe solitude simply became my natural state.
Or maybe being away makes me romanticize the things I don’t have.
I honestly don’t know.
What confuses me is that both feelings seem genuine.
The loneliness at sea is real. The desire for solitude when I return is real too.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Wanting connection when you’re alone, then wanting distance when you finally get it?

I moved out and became independent at a young age. I’ve been living alone for almost 13 years.

Something strange happens whenever I visit my family during holidays. Being around them gives me a strong desire to get married and start a family of my own.

But on the day I leave and return to my normal life, that feeling fades away and I go back to preferring solitude and living alone.

Has anyone else experienced this?
Why do you think it happens?