Hey everyone

For context- we broke up, I had to petition for paternity etc to stop her from taking our child across state lines. She ended up filing a petition to relocate anyways and lost and it cost me about 40k. I had to remove her from the home during litigation (never married), and because of this she left to another state and just recently moved back. I tried many many many times to avoid an court stuff, offered her a bunch of money to get her on her feet instead of paying a lawyer and she said no. It was basically a winner take call. I know how much my kid loves their mom and Im very glad im not in her shoes but I feel guilty, and fear resentment from my child once theyre old enough to understand.

EDIT- I have proactively offered 50/50 from the start of the case and even before which it was turned down everytime (as she wanted more) and then eventually realized she cant handle more with her schedule

I was looking at a calendar tonight and started thinking about some shit. My kid turns 6 in 3 weeks, Halloween is coming up, and both of those things fall during what would have been my “years” with her.

It got me thinking. Am I the bad guy for fighting for my daughter and winning to the point where her mom legally only sees her 4-5 days out of the month? Is there a chance my kid resents me for that one day? Im painted as a monster.

I know I could’ve been a better partner when we were together, just like her mom could’ve been better too. Maybe us not being together is ultimately for the best, but I’m thinking about my kid here.

My kids mom only has her every other weekend. Part of me wonders if I should be going above and beyond and offering to bring my child to her mom on a Wednesday for a couple of hours, then drive back, pick her up, and get her home and ready for school. That’s a lot of extra effort on my end, but am I wrong for not doing it?

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t get that same effort in return. And I keep thinking that if I were in her mom’s position, I’d be trying to fix things or at least asking if we could all do something together because I missed my daughter and wanted to see her but that hasnt happened.

I’ve honestly never thought about any of this until tonight. I was just looking at a calendar and realized how little time they actually spend together.

I fought hard for my daughter, and I believe I had my reasons. But at what point does protecting your child and doing what you believe is best turn into potentially limiting their relationship with their other parent?

I’m not asking whether I should get back with her mom or anything like that. I’m asking whether, as a father, I should be doing more to make sure Chloe has a relationship with her mom, even if her mom isn’t making the same effort herself.

I want to do what’s best for my daughter, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m looking at this the right way.

Then the other thing is child support...am I wrong for putting my ex on it? Financially she makes more money than me right now, by alot but she has more bills than I do. It's diffucult to work as much as Id like with the kids schedule + twice weekly appointments. She can barely get by supposedly and now has to pay, again I know she would do it to me in a second but I dont operate like that.

I dont want to come off as insensitive to all the anyone out there who got the short end of thew stick (for now), keep on fighting I just feel guilty....like a survivors type guilt. I was used to always putting myself last. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Noone ever "wins" here and the kids always lose.

Looking for some perspective from other single dads who have been through something similar.

My ex and I were together for 11 years and we have a young son together. I’ll own my part in how things ended. For a lot of our relationship I wasn’t very affectionate and said things like I didn’t love her. There were ways I mistreated her and took the relationship for granted.

She also believes I cheated on her, which I genuinely never did. Since we broke up I have been with other women, which she knows about and has made comments about.

Our breakup got extremely messy. Attorneys, court, custody issues, resentment, all of it. At one point she moved about three hours away while our son remained primarily with me. Eventually she moved back and we were able to reach a permanent parenting agreement.

A big issue between us now is that she says i really, really hurt her. I never really apologized or acknowledged how much I hurt her until recently. Her family is all against me, and it sucks because I was the only one there for so many years . I understand that because there are things I absolutely could have handled differently, and I’ve told her that.

At the same time, I don't believe everything that went wrong was solely because of me. I’m pretty self-aware about my own faults, but she has her own issues too. She has had serious falling outs and problems with a lot of people in her life, not just me. That doesn't excuse anything I did, but after 11 years together, I don't think our relationship can accurately be summed up as one person hurting the other.

And despite everything, when things were good between us, they were genuinely great. The end was not.

She still regularly tells me how much I hurt her. My response has basically been that I can't change what already happened. All I can do is acknowledge where I went wrong, show that I care now, and see where things go, if anywhere.

That's where I'm torn.

Part of me thinks I should stop trying completely. Let the relationship stay dead, focus entirely on being good co-parents, and accept that maybe too much happened.

The other part of me thinks 11 years and a family are worth at least seeing whether something different could eventually grow out of all this. Not forcing reconciliation or pretending the past didn't happen, but actually showing through my actions that I care and that I'm not the same person I was toward the end of our relationship.

We both agree that our son comes first. We also both agree that, all else being equal, having two involved parents working together is better for him. I think there's still a lot of pride and resentment preventing us from figuring out whether there's anything between us beyond co-parenting, but obviously that's my interpretation and I could be completely wrong.

I also realize I'm asking this in a single dads group, so responses may naturally lean toward "move on and focus on your kid." I'm genuinely interested in hearing from people who have actually been through this, though.

If you were together that long, had a child together, the breakup became extremely ugly, but there was still some connection underneath all the resentment (which there may not be but I could be wrong), would you leave it alone and let whatever is left die, or would you continue showing through your actions that you care without actively pursuing her and just see what happens knowing when a good relationship in the same household is a good one, it helps the kid.

Hi Everyone,

I have a hearing coming up in about 2 weeks. Its a final hearing for permanent time sharing plan, child support, relief, etc.

Prior to this hearing I was fighting a bigger part of my family case which my ex dropped when they decided they had no chance. We did mediation, depositions and everything else. We have been infront of a judge in person once, and discussed a parenting plan in depth. My lawyer and her lawyer in the courtroom had the judge step out so we could discuss it off the record and we discussed the biggest points and came to an agreement, and the judge basically decided the rest and left it up to us to finalize it after court. I tried I have yet to get a response on finalizing it, its been atleast 5 months. We agree on most things but not everything.

I have had 100% of overnights for the last 8 months, I get no child support etc.

My lawyers and I had a disagreement and they say if I want them to represent me at this hearing itll cost me $4500, which I dont have and I know I cannot come up with in any way shape or form. This case has already cost me well over 25k.

I am not certain my ex will have a lawyer but I know I wont.

I am proactively offering 50/50, everything equal, child support as per the guidelines (if we go 50/50 once I start working again I may owe her money and thats fine, but I am going after retro pay). As mentioned my ex currently has no overnights and has seen our child 3 times in the last 8 months. Im guessing their hesitance to signing this is they know theyll pay CS, they know they cant handle overnights right now but they refuse to discuss it and ive begged them to for months so we can get a final parenting plan in place.

I know im smart enough to argue my points and I have status quo in my favor but IDK how judges look at parties when one has an attorney and one doesnt. IDK if theyll pull a fast one or what they can actually do. IDK if theyll claim ive been uncooperative this entire time which is false but who knows how they fabricate things. IDK what evidence to bring, IDK what theyll bring to counter it. I have no idea if evidence even gets presented.

Any advice would help and I appreciate it.

Chances of being successful representing myself at the final hearing

Hi Everyone,

I have a hearing coming up in about 2 weeks. Its a final hearing for permanent time sharing plan, child support, relief, etc.

Prior to this hearing I was fighting a bigger part of my family case which my ex dropped when they decided they had no chance. We did mediation, depositions and everything else. We have been infront of a judge in person once, and discussed a parenting plan in depth. My lawyer and her lawyer in the courtroom had the judge step out so we could discuss it off the record and we discussed the biggest points and came to an agreement, and the judge basically decided the rest and left it up to us to finalize it after court. I tried I have yet to get a response on finalizing it, its been atleast 5 months. We agree on most things but not everything.

I have had 100% of overnights for the last 8 months, I get no child support etc.

My lawyers and I had a disagreement and they say if I want them to represent me at this hearing itll cost me $4500, which I dont have and I know I cannot come up with in any way shape or form. This case has already cost me well over 25k.

I am not certain my ex will have a lawyer but I know I wont.

I am proactively offering 50/50, everything equal, child support as per the guidelines (if we go 50/50 once I start working again I may owe her money and thats fine, but I am going after retro pay). As mentioned my ex currently has no overnights and has seen our child 3 times in the last 8 months. Im guessing their hesitance to signing this is they know theyll pay CS, they know they cant handle overnights right now but they refuse to discuss it and ive begged them to for months so we can get a final parenting plan in place.

I know im smart enough to argue my points and I have status quo in my favor but IDK how judges look at parties when one has an attorney and one doesnt. IDK if theyll pull a fast one or what they can actually do. IDK if theyll claim ive been uncooperative this entire time which is false but who knows how they fabricate things. IDK what evidence to bring, IDK what theyll bring to counter it. I have no idea if evidence even gets presented.

Any advice would help and I appreciate it.

Hi Everyone,

I have a hearing coming up in about 2 weeks. Its a final hearing for permanent time sharing plan, child support, relief, etc.

Prior to this hearing I was fighting a bigger part of my family case which my ex dropped when they decided they had no chance. We did mediation, depositions and everything else. We have been infront of a judge in person once, and discussed a parenting plan in depth. My lawyer and her lawyer in the courtroom had the judge step out so we could discuss it off the record and we discussed the biggest points and came to an agreement, and the judge basically decided the rest and left it up to us to finalize it after court. I tried I have yet to get a response on finalizing it, its been atleast 5 months. We agree on most things but not everything.

I have had 100% of overnights for the last 8 months, I get no child support etc.

My lawyers and I had a disagreement and they say if I want them to represent me at this hearing itll cost me $4500, which I dont have and I know I cannot come up with in any way shape or form. This case has already cost me well over 25k.

I am not certain my ex will have a lawyer but I know I wont.

I am proactively offering 50/50, everything equal, child support as per the guidelines (if we go 50/50 once I start working again I may owe her money and thats fine, but I am going after retro pay). As mentioned my ex currently has no overnights and has seen our child 3 times in the last 8 months. Im guessing their hesitance to signing this is they know theyll pay CS, they know they cant handle overnights right now but they refuse to discuss it and ive begged them to for months so we can get a final parenting plan in place.

I know im smart enough to argue my points and I have status quo in my favor but IDK how judges look at parties when one has an attorney and one doesnt. IDK if theyll pull a fast one or what they can actually do. IDK if theyll claim ive been uncooperative this entire time which is false but who knows how they fabricate things. IDK what evidence to bring, IDK what theyll bring to counter it. I have no idea if evidence even gets presented.

Any advice would help and I appreciate it.

Florida child support question.

My child support hearing isn't until October. Since January, I've had my 4-year-old child essentially 100% of the time and have been the full-time caregiver. The other parent has not had the child living with her during this period.

We are expected to move to a 50/50 timesharing schedule around the time of the hearing.

A few months ago, I opened a child support case through the state and specifically requested retroactive child support back to the date I began having the child full-time. I did not file a separate child support motion directly with the court before that because we expected to speak to the judge about it when the time came and expected it to be months ago but the other party has not cooperated.

My question is: If the court orders 50/50 timesharing in October, can I still receive retroactive child support for the January-September period when I had the child 100% of the time? Has anyone in Florida had a similar situation and how likely is it?

Not looking for legal advice, just trying to understand how Florida courts typically handle retroactive support when the parenting schedule changes before the hearing.

I expect based on the calculators to get roughly 4-500 monthly. The other parent makes maybe 20$ an hour but has 0 overnights and hasnt had any since february.

thx

edit- a concern with what may happen is Idk if judges take pity on parents in bad financial situations but they ae going to argue that they had to move to another part of the state with family post breakup and them paying child support will delay them moving back close enough to be with our child. Not sure if this is considered but I dont want this to effect it because its been a struggle with no financial help at all for me.

Florida child support question.

My child support hearing isn't until October. Since January, I've had my 4-year-old child essentially 100% of the time and have been the full-time caregiver. The other parent has not had the child living with her during this period.

We are expected to move to a 50/50 timesharing schedule around the time of the hearing.

A few months ago, I opened a child support case through the state and specifically requested retroactive child support back to the date I began having the child full-time. I did not file a separate child support motion directly with the court before that because we expected to speak to the judge about it when the time came and expected it to be months ago but the other party has not cooperated.

My question is: If the court orders 50/50 timesharing in October, can I still receive retroactive child support for the January-September period when I had the child 100% of the time? Has anyone in Florida had a similar situation and how likely is it?

Not looking for legal advice, just trying to understand how Florida courts typically handle retroactive support when the parenting schedule changes before the hearing.

I expect based on the calculators to get roughly 4-500 monthly. The other parent makes maybe 20$ an hour but has 0 overnights and hasnt had any since february.

thx

edit- a concern with what may happen is Idk if judges take pity on parents in bad financial situations but they ae going to argue that they had to move to another part of the state with family post breakup and them paying child support will delay them moving back close enough to be with our child. Not sure if this is considered but I dont want this to effect it because its been a struggle with no financial help at all for me.

Hi All,

long story short about a year ago I tried to relocate. Lawyer told me I have no case and to move back to my childs state and get 50/50. I did. But, it's always been on the back of my mind to relocate permanently. Not much has changed in terms of things that would help my case, other parent is a good parent but a TERRIBLE co parent. I know the judges here weigh how much the other parent facilitates the relationship when making decisions.

over the last year the child did start school and made friends etc so that I know theres that going against me. The other co parent does not deviate from the parenting plan a millimeter. Nothing, no accommodation, nothing. If I ask to move a call we have scheduled say 30 minutes, they just say no and I miss the entire call. If I need a basic favor like Im running late etc, they will make me leave work or whatever to uphold the schedule. To be fair they dont ask for anything from me. They do not withhold the child, or do anything really that effects the child but it's very very rigid and feels controlling of the situation.

I have a solid year or so tons and tons and tons of times where they say no, ignore my texts completely etc. I want to show the judge they do not co parent well and how rigid and unreasonable they are for minor requests.

The question is would this even help me?