I do not know how to shut up and I love people who also don’t know how to shut up so hit me upppp. No weirdos with ulterior motives thanks. My personality type is INFJ in case you’re into MBTI.
Let’s chat about the shitty state of the world OR movies or something. No weirdos with ulterior motives. Thanks. 😌
So even though I only knew him a week we had alot of open and deep conversations. We had the same deal breakers, interests, outlook on life. Emotional and physical connection. Definitely my best match out of the 10 guys I’ve been out with since last October. He seemed anxious secure at first. & but I could tell from little statements and actions like him being uncomfortable with receiving gifts that he hadn’t found his full self worth or love yet. I used to be there. I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me like flaw or baggage wise and he decided to wait until after out first date to tell me he struggled with drinking his problems away not every day but pretty often. We didn’t know one another long but he seemed so mature with depth. & he was mature to a certain extent when we talked about things like how to communicate and attachment styles. But when he did open up to me about his drinking his mood was super down and I was replying with support and advice and he didn’t know how to respond to me.
He was shut down. & he said it takes him time to process things and he didn’t know what to say. I told him I was sorry for everything he’s going through mentally and that we could continue to talk about things the next day as it was 2AM already. Next day I sent him a long message of support and understanding and telling him idk where I’m at as there’s two ways our future could go with the drinking issue. I’m not one to give up on someone because they have flaws or issues, but it depends on what they are and where they are at in their healing and reflecting journey. I believe you can grow with someone you don’t have to be alone to do that.
But he was at square 1… & he said he couldn’t promise he would stop. That gave me too much anxiety about the future. & i asked him we could call later on, he replied like 5 hours later saying yes but he wasn’t replying to any of my long message. Which I felt was his avoidant side kicking in, i think he was overwhelmed, ashamed, & it was a lot of emotions and thoughts to process. Which he admitted on the phone call later that night he said he didn’t know what to say. & he said I was right, that he didn’t love himself and he was sorry for being broken.
I was crying on the phone, telling him he has nothing to be sorry about that being human is a complicated exhausting experience sometimes. & he isn’t weak for wanting to escape that. Told him I hope he can start healing rather than using alcohol as a temporary distraction. I told him he’s an amazing person that deserves so much better and that he’s stronger than the voices in his head. I told him I hope we didn’t meet for nothing and that I at least wanted to motivate him to get better and start moving from this dark place he’s been stuck in. I told him he needs to have a healthy relationship with himself before getting into a relationship, he agreed and thanked me. I was still so sad about it all, I felt bad for him and then of course it being my best match this far, I really liked him. But anyways I learned over the years that you shouldn’t stay in something that gives you more anxiety than peace. It’s not healthy.