Just found out my girlfriend of a year has been cheating on me for 8 months. I haven’t told her I know yet. Should I have sex with her then break the news to her or just break it off?
Just found out my girlfriend of a year has been cheating on me for 8 months. I haven’t told her I know yet. Should I have sex with her then break the news to her or just break it off?
Just found out my girlfriend of a year has been cheating on me for 8 months. I haven’t told her I know yet. Should I have sex with her then break the news to her or just break it off?
I need honest feedback on this situation with my girlfriend. 23M 22F
It’s a lot to read but I want to give as much context/background info as possible. So get your popcorn and put on your reading glasses.
I’m a 23M and my girlfriend is a 22F. We have been talking for a little bit over a year and dating for about 4 months. Let me start off by giving background information about my girlfriend and I. We both have been through a lot emotionally. IE: depression, anxiety, $uicidal thoughts/actions, and r@p€(she has, I haven’t). I’m the first to admit I’m not perfect but I have healed very well from my trauma. Yes from time to time I still feel those bad emotions but I know how to deal with them and know they will eventually pass. On the other hand my girlfriend hasn’t completely healed. On top of the not healing she has bpd, depression, and is bipolar.
This is my first relationship, I went through a lot growing up with women. Dad left, mom was mentally abusive, then went back to my dad who was an alcoholic who smokes cigarettes. A lot of back and forth. I was forced to feel emotions at such a young age that forced me to mature but I didn’t realize how different I was compared to other people. I used to give girls everything, my time, my effort, hours on hours and I got treated like shit every single time. It was like that through middle school. I would say over and over to myself what did I do wrong, I did everything right. It would always be me or another guy and they would choose him over me. It’s like you want someone who will truly care for you or some pos drug dealer who is know for beating women and cheating on them. They would always choose him. Then after a couple months of being treated like crap they would come crawling back to me and my dumb self used to take them back.
I’d help them through the pain of that situation then they would leave once they were healed. But I finally got to a point where I had to stop, it was weighing too much on me mentally. Between that and my issues at home it was too much. I was always very popular throughout middle school and high school but alone/distant from everyone. Only having 1 real friend throughout high school. I struggled a lot mentally during those times. I was in the gym everyday for about 3 hours and dieted my ass off. Drank but smoked a lot of weed. Just drowned all my mental pain with physical pain at the gym. After graduating highschool I was even more lonely, but through all that time of being alone I learned to enjoy it and thrive in it. I mean true isolation from everyone. Not caring about my family, having no one there for me but myself.
I never really had the urge to date. I wanted to have sex but never really wanted to date. Not in the way where I’m fucking everything that walks or doing it with multiple women at a time. But just never really wanted that emotional connection. I wanted to fuck, be there for that person, listen to there pain/struggles, go on cute dates, but just never really wanted the title of “dating”. Yes I realize how messed up that sounds but it’s how I felt and couldn’t change that. I never really talked to girls or pursued them, it was kind of like if they come they come if they don’t they don’t. If they did I was honest with them about what I wanted before we did anything. I never really stressed or thought about it too much. I just enjoyed my quiet and peaceful life, alone.
Fast forward to now I never go out to clubs or anything. Never really been into that stuff. Still only have three friends and I only see two of them maybe once or twice a month if that. The other friend I’ve only seen once in the past couple years. Other than that I’m alone. But I’m not complaining about being alone it’s more peaceful that way. My hobbies are still the gym, fishing, and riding my motorcycle. I’m currently a firefighter so I see alot of stuff at work which can kind of dull my emotions towards “normal things”. I was already pretty numb before going into this career but since I’ve been a firefighter its just made “normal people problems” seem more minuscule. I’m used to seeing horrible living conditions, people with nasty injuries, mentally ill people, and from time to time dead people or mangled bodies. Then I’m supposed to go back and act like someone running out of their favorite coffee is the end of the world. I see people get stressed out and break down at the littlest of things, at least they are little to me. Like this person said I was ugly today let me let it ruin my whole entire day.
Anyways enough about me. I could go on for hours about my past trauma, that was just a quick summary. So imagine what I said but way worse. I met this girl let’s just call her “R”. I met R on Instagram, I was posting pictures of my motorcycle and she followed me and I saw that she rode too. I sent her a dm and called her pretty and said that we should go on a ride together. Next thing you know I had a late call one night at 2am during my job and I saw that she was up and figured I’d ft her. We ended up talking until 6am. No prior calls or ft before that. We just clicked, we were throwing insults at eachother, laughing, just getting to know each other.
I could say whatever I wanted around her and she didn’t get offended or hurt. We just clicked immediately. At that point I still didn’t want a relationship. After a couple months went by of us talking a couple times a week and getting to know each other better, she caught feelings. I told her over and over “do not catch feelings for me I will hurt you”. I said it directly to her face multiple times and over text. But she didn’t listen. She lives two hours away from me and her parents don’t like boys staying the night so she always comes over to me and will spend the day/night with me. Anyways she was begging and begging me for months to date me. I wouldn’t budge and kept telling her to not catch feelings for me. Told her I was heartless and emotionless.
We would ft and she would screenshot stuff all the time. She’s obsessed with how I look and the way I act. She even admitted to masturbating to the screenshots she took of me and they weren’t even sexual ones. Besides that we had so many amazing moments together that words can’t even describe. So powerful, emotional, and deep. Late night talks, slow kissing(not in a sexual way), our souls slowly got intertwined with eachother. I never opened up to her but she cared so much about everything. I’ve never had anyone care or put that much effort into me before. After about 7 months of her begging me to date her and her non stop effort I still didn’t want to date her. I had not cried in 6 years and one day I just got super emotional in-front of her and broke down crying(just a little)while I just fell into her lap and broke.
Immediately after that I snapped out of it and apologized. This was very weird for me because I’ve never really been emotional and had been numb for so long. Also I felt so weak for that and hated it. But this one person made me feel so much emotion. After that she started to put pressure on me to date her. A couple weeks later I invited her over and sat her down and expressed this to her in person. I told her that I’m just not ready to date you. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy spending time with you, being on ft with you, going on dates, cuddling with you, having sex with you, and talking. I’m just not ready to date. I had to sit there and see the pain in her eyes, see her body language change immediately, and see her world crumble. I didn’t shed a single tear.
Here was our first little argument and really the main issues I want to talk about or at least the start of it. I had been following girls on ig before talking to her and ended up liking a girls picture while we were talking. 99.9% of the posts I like are motorcycle things, fishing stuff, random memes, or really depressing stuff. She ft me one day while I was on shift and blew up on me about it then hung up. I ended up unfollowing and unliked that girls posts immediately showing her that the girl I follow doesn’t mean crap to me.
I unfollowed a couple other girls I’ve know for years. But I mean she lost her mind over it. We were not dating yet but had been talking for about 8 months at this point. I said why don’t we have some space from eachother and not talk for a week. A day or two into us not talking she was texting saying she misses me and how she wants to talk. I ended up not talking to her for 4 days and caved. When we started talking again the vibe was off, it just didn’t feel the same. She said what I told her about not wanting to date her and the fact that I didn’t talk to her for four days “chemically altered her brain”. Around a month later we moved on from that argument and we’re back to normal talking.
Then I started to finally cave in and catch feelings. One night she came over and I ended up asking her to be my gf. She obviously said yes and was very happy. I was always very hesitant to date her too because I had a gut feeling she would lose feelings because she finally caught what she was chasing. Call me gross but that night we had unprotected sex(she was on her period) and I did not pull out(she always begs for creampies but I never do it). If I have not mentioned we are both very hyper sexual. So we usually had sex a lot after we spent some quality time together or went out on our date. The next day she had to do something called the MSF course for her motorcycle license(shes been riding for 4 years without it). So the next day we got up at 9am and started working on it together.
It’s just clicking through videos and taking some easy tests but it takes all day to do. I don’t get to see her often due to our work schedules so when I see her I want to go do stuff with her and have sex. That morning she really didn’t give my any attention at all. I got up made breakfast for us and was just chilling all day while she worked on the course. I was helping her with the course a little, giving her back rubs, and some kisses here and there. She was barely talking to me and being kinda rude. It was around 8pm at this point and still zero attention to me. I decided to go drink some whiskey. I figured we could both drink and have a nice evening watch a movie or play some games together. But she didn’t want to drink, and I had no problem with that. It was around 11pm now and I wanted to have some sex and was rubbing her back and doing some things to get her in the mood. She shrugged me off and told me no, so I stopped and ended up going to bed. I woke up at 2am and saw she wasn’t next to me and thought to myself no way she left. I went out to the living room and saw she was sleeping on the couch.
I woke her up and asked her why she wasn’t sleeping with me and she woke up and grumpily asking why I woke her up. I asked her if she was mad at me for something and why she wasn’t sleeping in my bed with me. She got pissed said it was 2am and told me to go back to sleep(she stays up till 5am all the time, she’s a night owl). I got pissed because I only see her a couple times a month if that and she didn’t give me any attention all day. So I took her stuff out of my room and left it next to her in the living room. I woke up and she was gone. That was our first “big fight”. But relationships are work and I was willing to work through it.
After that for the next couple weeks she was kind of distant which is not normal for her. The vibe was off. Out of the blue she texts me and says she has something to tell me… she found out she was pregnant. My heart stopped and I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. We ended up getting rid of it and it was very rough for both of us. But we got eachother through it. But something bothered me.
She constantly goes on motorcycle rides 1 on 1 with guys or go rides with groups of guys from 12am-5am which bothers me. It’s not once in a while it’s multiple times a week. She always tells me they are just friends but with my past of course that’s going to make me feel a certain type of way. This is my boundary. I don’t think that riding 1 on 1 with another guy or a group of just guys past 12am or in general is acceptable. For me that’s like going on a date with someone and expecting your partner to be okay with it. I’ve communicated that to her but she always gets defensive and says “so you want me to drop all my friends” But riding for her is a mental release and I don’t want to say she can’t go ride with her friends.
I’ve never been that controlling. But it bothers me and I’ll go deeper into that later. Anyways the other thing that bothered me is after she found out she was pregnant she wouldn’t let me support her at all. Wouldn’t let me go to her appointments with her wouldn’t let me be there with her at all through it. Then my mind started wondering. She said that she’s infertile, she was on her period, and I watched her take a plan B the next morning. The chances of you getting pregnant after all of that is slim to none. All that on top of the fact that she was distant with me and would hang around other men all the time. On top of all that she posted a picture of her alone with another dude with both of there bikes at night. She put a song saying “I just want you by my side, I can’t control this feeling, just want you by my side, by my side”.
The thing that bothered me even more is she said she only posts songs that have meaning to it. So you’re saying you want this guy by your side and you can’t control it. Like wtf. How are you going to get angry at me for liking one girls post out of the thousands of other things I like but expect me to be okay with that. It just really bothered me just a mix of alot of crap at once. I didn’t bring it up to her though because I wanted to do it in person.
The next couple weeks after we got rid of it we still didn’t see eachother so at that point it had been about a month. A week before she saw me, one of her guy friends crashed there motorcycle and ended up going to the hospital. I’m glad she told me but was also not okay with her actions. She told me she went to the hospital at 3am and cared for his wounds until 5am. I can understand going there and supporting him or bringing him flowers or something during the day. But going there at 3am for 2 hours and caring for his wounds is not okay. Especially when there are nurses there that can do that for him. Way too emotional and sensual to be doing that when you have a boyfriend. Her excuse was he had no one there for him and she was just being motherly.
Now a week later I finally saw her. I had some things I wanted to talk to her about. 1. Her posting that pic with the dude and the song 2. Her caring for the other dude at the hospital at 3am. 3. Did you cheat on me or is there a chance the baby isn’t mine. 4. How riding with men bothers me. I brought up the picture and she said the song had no meaning and thought they looked cool. 🤨 She said the incident at the hospital she was just being motherly. Okay then why did you go at 3am and care for his wounds they have nurses that can do that. She continued to say there was no one there for him and she was doing it of motherly instinct. To the cheating part she said she didn’t. To the riding with guys part, guess what she said? “You expect me to drop all my friends?” That whole conversation made my guts twist but I decided to trust her. In the end if she did do things with other guys that’s on her and not me.
The next few months were fine. We had our usual fts, played hours of Roblox together, she would come over and go on dates with me and spend the night. But I noticed something she lost the hunger she used to have for me before we started dating. Not even just from these arguments we had. The day I decided to date her she just put a bit of less effort into me and I noticed it immediately. Not to the point of where she disregards me and is not putting in any effort but definitely less than when we were not dating. Which is what I was afraid of happened.
It ended up being her birthday and she loves cinnamon roll from hello kitty. I ended up dropping 400$ on cinnamon roll themed things like bags, a puzzle thing you put together, purse, little keychains, a armored hoodie for when she rides, a camera mount for her windshield, and a LED light up leg bag for when she rides. I also surprised her with a build a bear cinnamon roll stuffed animal. I made her meet me at build a bear on her motorcycle while I was riding mine and walked her straight to the store. She asked what we were doing there. I surprised her and pulled cinnamon roll out of my bag. She was so happy. We got it stuffed together, put scent on it, and I even left her a message in it. I also bought her a couple different outfits. Then we went and got food after. I hate giving gifts to I’ve never been a gift giver. But for her I changed… so much.
The month or so after that was good but then we got into the main thing of why I wrote all of this. Out of the blue she sent me a text and asked if she could ask me something. She sent me a screenshot of some biker moms profile and asked why I followed her. I was put into a huge biker gc with like 30 people and she was one of the people in it. She followed my biker page so I followed her back. Didn’t like any of her photos or anything. In that lady’s bio it says she’s a nurse and I’m a firefighter so I got to the hospital a lot. R asked if that was someone I met at the hospital and I told her no she was from a giant biker gc that I am in.
I reassured her by saying “You don’t have to worry baby I don’t speak to her at all”. Then she said “it’s not that. Just some things that I have noticed that made me want to pull away”. To that I asked “like what”. To that she said “i told you watching porn is off limits or anything like that remember. that’s just my boundary cuz for me that’s cheating. but seeing the stuff you interact with on instagram honestly just told me everything i needed to know”. I don’t watch porn btw. I usually masturbate to her or the thought of her.
But the reason she said that is because we shared a blend on my biker page and all that was coming up for her that was recommend to me was stuff about wanting a 3rd person in your relationship or stuff like “l'll never understand girls who don't want their man texting other girls.” Some girls dressed inappropriately and some goth girl stuff. She continued on and said this “mind you all these things are suggested for YOU. from our mixed thread. yeah you can go and say you don’t like that stuff but when i go to our thread all my stuff is memes and sad stuff. you’re stuff is this.
so you interact with it in some way. That’s why it pops up on your page” and “i didn’t say you liked them. i said they constantly pop up on your feed. meaning you interact with similar videos in some way. listen i’m not stupid okay. i’ve been with men before and there stuff didn’t look like that. why? because they don’t interact with it i’m not saying you directly liked those specific videos. but instagram is pushing out videos to you’re feed that are similar to the stuff you watch.” And finally “all i’m gonna say is i don’t like it and watching and interacting with stuff like this is cheating that’s it.”
To that I literally screen recorded my reels page and my fyp and sent her 8 minutes of me refreshing and scrolling down to show her that crap isn’t in my feed on both of my accounts. She said something wasn’t adding up and after saying some more stuff to eachother we both went to sleep.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if she wanted to play Roblox with me. She said yes but give her 5 mins. She ended up ft me and we were about to hop on discord when I was like you know what I’m going to screen share and show her my feed. I screen shared and I didn’t know you could do this but she said go to your liked posts. I did on my main account and after 5 minutes of scrolling nothing.
Then she said to switch to my bike account which I did. I scrolled though my liked and out of the 1000 super depressing posts I liked she saw that one post I liked. I ended up liking a girls post a month ago. Somewhat sexual and she showed her body a little bit. It was a girl that I had been following since before her. Never spoke to this girl or perused her in any way. I didn’t think much of it but she absolutely freaked out on me about it. First she was calm but then exploded.
She immediately hung up on me. After she hung up on me we had a huge argument over text thats longer than this whole thing I’m typing. Basically she got super mad at me for following that girl and liking her post. I unfollowed that girl and unliked her post immediately to show her that i didn’t care one bit about that girl but it wasn’t enough for her. She kept asking why did you follow this girl. I told R I had been following her before we met but i did like a picture that she posted 1 month ago. Then she showed me another girl i follow that i haven’t liked any of her photos and said “why are you following this slut” I said again I’m not sure. I said she followed me and I followed back I had been following her for so long I don’t remember when I did. But I’m not really active on social media and definitely don’t keep track of every person I follow and the exact date that I do.
R kept insisting that I was lying about the reason of why I followed her to which I said I wasn’t. I was telling the truth yet she kept telling me I was lying. Like the other girl I unfollowed her to prove my point that I don’t give a fuck about the other girls. Only her. Then again we went back and forth for longer than this whole message is. I told her “Don’t have anything to hide if I’m willing to show you my likes” and then I finally had enough of her attacking me when I dealt with the issue.
I said “Pull up your likes and let’s see the guy thirst traps you like”. She sent me a screen recording of her likes and I didn’t find anything at all not even the posts of her guy friends that she rides with. I thought that was sketchy so I went a looked at all her “friends” she rides with posts and stories to see what I could find. Also started following them all. I found multiple posts of guys photos that she liked and multiple videos of her “friends” shirtless flexing his muscles. I looked at other pages and it would be 30 posts of a dudes bike by itself and the one post of him on his bike she would like.
The more I dug the more I found. More guys posts that she liked. I brought it up to her and she had nothing but excuses. Saying oh they are just my friends, I’ve known them for years(not all of them), I actually know these people in person. Then R said you don’t even know these sluts that you are following and liking there photos. I follow 700 people and maybe 10 of them are girls and I only liked one girls post.
So it’s okay for her to follow and like pics of shirtless dudes flexing and all these biker guys photos while we are dating but if I follow a girl that I have been following since before her that’s wrong. First it was why tf are you liking this girls posts. Then when I unfollowed and unliked one girl. Then it’s why are you following this girl(didn’t like any of her posts). That girl I also unfollowed. Then when I do the same to her and ask her why she’s liking shirtless pics/videos of dudes and certain pictures on dudes pages that are full of bikes and she like the only pic of them on there bike. Then it’s not a problem because she has known them for years or knows them in person.
After that to end that convo she said “i just asked you to not like pictures of bitches not that hard. I’m done with this conversation it’s over. Obviously we’re not going to get what we want” to that I said “Yet you want me to not have any female friends? First of all I only have C, J, and A. Who I barely see. Yet you have all these dudes you ride with and you have the balls to get angry at me for liking some random bitches post months ago? Crazy… and no I don’t want to be that controlling of you and tell you not to have any guy friends. But when you get angry at me for liking some bitches post months ago it makes me want to be petty back to you.
I don’t want to be that controlling of you but you’re honestly being a hypocrite rn. Think about this. You are getting mad at me for liking a bitches post months ago. Yet you expect me to be okay with you caring for another dude in the hospital at 3am and riding with all these dudes super late at night. I just asked you not to care for a dude late at night at the hospital. Also asked you just to not to ride with 5 dudes at 3am yet you still continue to do so and make excuses. It’s not that hard to not ride with 5 dudes late at night and care for someone at 3am for 2 hours. If it’s over then leave me. Seems like it what you want. I can’t be the only taking accountability for the things I do.” To that she said I’m putting words in her mouth and all she asked was for me to stop liking bitches posts. And claimed she doesn’t hang out with a bunch of dudes at 5am. Then she said “just leave me the fuck alone for now. i haven’t fucking relapsed in over a year and you, you fuck with me so bad mentally i fucking couldn’t help it today. you’re fucking with my nervous system. i just wanted to have a good fucking relationship for once.
i shouldn't have to stress myself until im sick for you to understand how you made me feel” to that I said “I liked that picture months ago why is it coming up now. If it was recent like the last week I could understand. But it’s months ago. Now you’re mad at me for something that happened months ago. Again you ride with dudes constantly past 12am and I’m supposed to sit here and be quiet about it. Yet I like some bitches post months ago and it’s the end of the world. I’ll stop liking bitches posts for you, it really doesn’t matter to me. But if you are going to be like that, I have to be a certain way too. I want you to stop riding with dudes period, that’s my boundary.” To that she said “yeah right. i’m not dropping literally all of my friends. i’m not asking you to drop you’re female friends bro”
btw i only have two guy friends i only see once or twice a month and my one female friends who’ve I’ve know for years is some overweight Jamaican lady who I am not the least bit interested in. She’s like a sister to me and I talk to her all the time about R and R knows I do. The Jamaican chick knows all about my family issues and issues with R she’s the girl I go to when I need relationship advice and again. She’s not attractive at all to me.
She continued on thinking I was lying about only having 3 friends 2 of them being guys. She got angry at me because I went over to my Jamaican friends house on my bike and had one beer with her yet we talked about R the whole time. R thinks I went over there and got drunk with the Jamaican girl. R constantly called me lustful through all of this. To one of the things she said about my Jamaican friend I said
“ Yes I’m lustful and attracted to some overweight fat black bitch I’ve known for years who I’ve never been the slightest bit attracted to. If you’re that insecure that’s on you. It’s honestly embarrassing. I went over to her house, had one beer, and talked about you the whole time. I rode my bike there and home so I barely drank. I’m the only one fighting for this relationship rn.” To that she said “oh really are you? cuz it sure doesn’t seem like it. you made me feel like shit you sure as fuck lustful over bitches on instagram tho. that are half naked.
i bet you if i posted pictures like them you wouldn’t fucking like that shit. but it’s okay for you to fucking like it when other hoes post it” Btw this was my first time seeing this Jamaican girl in years.
We had that conversation on Friday. We didn’t talk until Sunday then she sent this. “can you answer me. I don’t like this, at all. I don’t like not talking to you. Please” to that I said “I think we need some time apart” which she agreed with. Then she started back up again and sent a screen shot of the girls ig I unfollowed a couple days ago and said “yeah you can go fuck yourself” to that I said “Wow crazy how I didn’t like any of her photos or comment on them. I don’t talk to, comment, or pursue any of these women you send to me.
But maybe I should tho because I’m so lustful and can’t control myself. I don't want anyone else. I'm not going to DM, comment on, or pursue any of those people. I want us to work on this, not make each other more insecure.” She continued on and said “ok you didn’t like any of her stuff. but she still pops up on your feed. why the fuck did you follow her then?? how did you even find her well literally all you have been doing is making me insecure.” When she said that thing about her being insecure she calmed down a bit I could feel it. I told her I followed that girl long before her and already unfollowed her a couple days ago when she asked.
After that I followed some of the guys she rides with apparently they started messaging her about it which I don’t believe. She put her acc on private and removed me as a follower on both my accounts. So i deactivated both my accounts and logged out of my social media. She sent me a screen shot of my instagram page coming up as “instagram user” saying “blocking me on both your instagram accounts is crazy” to that I told her no I didn’t. She then said “The worst thing you can give me is space. If you let me learn to live without you, I will forget that you exist.” To that I said “Maybe you should learn to live without me” to that she said “why are you doing this to me.” To that I said “I'm not doing this to hurt you.
I'm not asking for rules that only apply to you. I want the same standards for both of us. I felt like liking a picture became a huge issue for you, but when it comes to things that make me uncomfortable, I'm expected to accept them. That imbalance has made me question whether this relationship is fair, and I can't ignore how it's made me feel anymore.” To that she said “you’re asking me to drop all of my friends. it’s not fair it’s like me asking you to drop every single one of your friends” I should of said I don’t have friends but I didn’t instead I said “ That's not what I'm asking. I'm not asking you to drop all your friends. I'm trying to explain that there are situations that make me uncomfortable, just like there are situations that make you uncomfortable.
I want us to be able to talk about those without either of us feeling like only one person's feelings matter.” To that all she said was “okay” I said that’s all you have to say? She said it’s best if she doesn’t talk she’s already on the “edge”. I said thank you for telling me that. Then we haven’t talked for one day now.
So here’s where we are at. She’s had problems with me following girls in the past and liking a two girls photos. But I unliked those two photos and unfollowed the girls she wanted me too, right away no issue. She also doesn’t want me posting any gym photos or going out on rides with other women. But it’s okay for her to go out and ride 1 on 1 with dudes or a group of dudes past 12am. It’s okay for her to like shirtless pics/vids of dudes flexing because she knows them and rides with them. It’s okay for her to follow and like other dudes post because she knows them or rides with them. It’s okay for her to go to the hospital at 3am for 2 hours and change a dudes bandages because she knows him.
One of the hardest parts about all this is all the great moments we have had together. We click so well emotionally, physically, and sexually. Our sounds have become intertwined. We have had so many emotional and deep moments. Rides on our motorcycles, playing Roblox for hours, sitting there cuddling for hours(not sexually), slow meaningful kisses(not sexually), the dates we’ve been on, all the quality time we spend together. I like the way she looks, feels, smells, tastes, and (sometimes) the things she say.
She feels the same about me. For example we will get into arguments and won’t speak for a day then she misses me and says she can’t stand not talking to me and needs me to respond. Even when she’s angry at me she wants to speak to me. We have had so many good moments and some bad ones too so I’m torn. She is also my first girlfriend and genuinely have never Clicked/felt this way with anyone before. It sounds stupid like there are more fish in the sea. But ive never clicked with someone like this so it’s hard to think about letting go.
She claims all I’ve been doing since we are dating has been making her insecure. I feel crazy sometimes talking to her, like how does she not understand where I am coming from. Based on all this information what are your thoughts on this situation? What should my next steps be? I just need opinions/advice in general so please leave something.
I need honest feedback on this situation with my girlfriend. 23M 22F
It’s a lot to read but I want to give as much context/background info as possible. So get your popcorn and put on your reading glasses.
I’m a 23M and my girlfriend is a 22F. We have been talking for a little bit over a year and dating for about 4 months. Let me start off by giving background information about my girlfriend and I. We both have been through a lot emotionally. IE: depression, anxiety, $uicidal thoughts/actions, and r@p€(she has, I haven’t). I’m the first to admit I’m not perfect but I have healed very well from my trauma. Yes from time to time I still feel those bad emotions but I know how to deal with them and know they will eventually pass. On the other hand my girlfriend hasn’t completely healed. On top of the not healing she has bpd, depression, and is bipolar.
This is my first relationship, I went through a lot growing up with women. Dad left, mom was mentally abusive, then went back to my dad who was an alcoholic who smokes cigarettes. A lot of back and forth. I was forced to feel emotions at such a young age that forced me to mature but I didn’t realize how different I was compared to other people. I used to give girls everything, my time, my effort, hours on hours and I got treated like shit every single time. It was like that through middle school. I would say over and over to myself what did I do wrong, I did everything right. It would always be me or another guy and they would choose him over me. It’s like you want someone who will truly care for you or some pos drug dealer who is know for beating women and cheating on them. They would always choose him. Then after a couple months of being treated like crap they would come crawling back to me and my dumb self used to take them back. I’d help them through the pain of that situation then they would leave once they were healed. But I finally got to a point where I had to stop, it was weighing too much on me mentally. Between that and my issues at home it was too much. I was always very popular throughout middle school and high school but alone/distant from everyone. Only having 1 real friend throughout high school. I struggled a lot mentally during those times. I was in the gym everyday for about 3 hours and dieted my ass off. Drank but smoked a lot of weed. Just drowned all my mental pain with physical pain at the gym. After graduating highschool I was even more lonely, but through all that time of being alone I learned to enjoy it and thrive in it. I mean true isolation from everyone. Not caring about my family, having no one there for me but myself.
I never really had the urge to date. I wanted to have sex but never really wanted to date. Not in the way where I’m fucking everything that walks or doing it with multiple women at a time. But just never really wanted that emotional connection. I wanted to fuck, be there for that person, listen to there pain/struggles, go on cute dates, but just never really wanted the title of “dating”. Yes I realize how messed up that sounds but it’s how I felt and couldn’t change that. I never really talked to girls or pursued them, it was kind of like if they come they come if they don’t they don’t. If they did I was honest with them about what I wanted before we did anything. I never really stressed or thought about it too much. I just enjoyed my quiet and peaceful life, alone.
Fast forward to now I never go out to clubs or anything. Never really been into that stuff. Still only have three friends and I only see two of them maybe once or twice a month if that. The other friend I’ve only seen once in the past couple years. Other than that I’m alone. But I’m not complaining about being alone it’s more peaceful that way. My hobbies are still the gym, fishing, and riding my motorcycle. I’m currently a firefighter so I see alot of stuff at work which can kind of dull my emotions towards “normal things”. I was already pretty numb before going into this career but since I’ve been a firefighter its just made “normal people problems” seem more minuscule. I’m used to seeing horrible living conditions, people with nasty injuries, mentally ill people, and from time to time dead people or mangled bodies. Then I’m supposed to go back and act like someone running out of their favorite coffee is the end of the world. I see people get stressed out and break down at the littlest of things, at least they are little to me. Like this person said I was ugly today let me let it ruin my whole entire day.
Anyways enough about me. I could go on for hours about my past trauma, that was just a quick summary. So imagine what I said but way worse. I met this girl let’s just call her “R”. I met R on Instagram, I was posting pictures of my motorcycle and she followed me and I saw that she rode too. I sent her a dm and called her pretty and said that we should go on a ride together. Next thing you know I had a late call one night at 2am during my job and I saw that she was up and figured I’d ft her. We ended up talking until 6am. No prior calls or ft before that. We just clicked, we were throwing insults at eachother, laughing, just getting to know each other. I could say whatever I wanted around her and she didn’t get offended or hurt. We just clicked immediately. At that point I still didn’t want a relationship. After a couple months went by of us talking a couple times a week and getting to know each other better, she caught feelings. I told her over and over “do not catch feelings for me I will hurt you”. I said it directly to her face multiple times and over text. But she didn’t listen. She lives two hours away from me and her parents don’t like boys staying the night so she always comes over to me and will spend the day/night with me. Anyways she was begging and begging me for months to date me. I wouldn’t budge and kept telling her to not catch feelings for me. Told her I was heartless and emotionless.
We would ft and she would screenshot stuff all the time. She’s obsessed with how I look and the way I act. She even admitted to masturbating to the screenshots she took of me and they weren’t even sexual ones. Besides that we had so many amazing moments together that words can’t even describe. So powerful, emotional, and deep. Late night talks, slow kissing(not in a sexual way), our souls slowly got intertwined with eachother. I never opened up to her but she cared so much about everything. I’ve never had anyone care or put that much effort into me before. After about 7 months of her begging me to date her and her non stop effort I still didn’t want to date her. I had not cried in 6 years and one day I just got super emotional in-front of her and broke down crying(just a little)while I just fell into her lap and broke. Immediately after that I snapped out of it and apologized. This was very weird for me because I’ve never really been emotional and had been numb for so long. Also I felt so weak for that and hated it. But this one person made me feel so much emotion. After that she started to put pressure on me to date her. A couple weeks later I invited her over and sat her down and expressed this to her in person. I told her that I’m just not ready to date you. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy spending time with you, being on ft with you, going on dates, cuddling with you, having sex with you, and talking. I’m just not ready to date. I had to sit there and see the pain in her eyes, see her body language change immediately, and see her world crumble. I didn’t shed a single tear.
Here was our first little argument and really the main issues I want to talk about or at least the start of it. I had been following girls on ig before talking to her and ended up liking a girls picture while we were talking. 99.9% of the posts I like are motorcycle things, fishing stuff, random memes, or really depressing stuff. She ft me one day while I was on shift and blew up on me about it then hung up. I ended up unfollowing and unliked that girls posts immediately showing her that the girl I follow doesn’t mean crap to me. I unfollowed a couple other girls I’ve know for years. But I mean she lost her mind over it. We were not dating yet but had been talking for about 8 months at this point. I said why don’t we have some space from eachother and not talk for a week. A day or two into us not talking she was texting saying she misses me and how she wants to talk. I ended up not talking to her for 4 days and caved. When we started talking again the vibe was off, it just didn’t feel the same. She said what I told her about not wanting to date her and the fact that I didn’t talk to her for four days “chemically altered her brain”. Around a month later we moved on from that argument and we’re back to normal talking.
Then I started to finally cave in and catch feelings. One night she came over and I ended up asking her to be my gf. She obviously said yes and was very happy. I was always very hesitant to date her too because I had a gut feeling she would lose feelings because she finally caught what she was chasing. Call me gross but that night we had unprotected sex(she was on her period) and I did not pull out(she always begs for creampies but I never do it). If I have not mentioned we are both very hyper sexual. So we usually had sex a lot after we spent some quality time together or went out on our date. The next day she had to do something called the MSF course for her motorcycle license(shes been riding for 4 years without it). So the next day we got up at 9am and started working on it together. It’s just clicking through videos and taking some easy tests but it takes all day to do. I don’t get to see her often due to our work schedules so when I see her I want to go do stuff with her and have sex. That morning she really didn’t give my any attention at all. I got up made breakfast for us and was just chilling all day while she worked on the course. I was helping her with the course a little, giving her back rubs, and some kisses here and there. She was barely talking to me and being kinda rude. It was around 8pm at this point and still zero attention to me. I decided to go drink some whiskey. I figured we could both drink and have a nice evening watch a movie or play some games together. But she didn’t want to drink, and I had no problem with that. It was around 11pm now and I wanted to have some sex and was rubbing her back and doing some things to get her in the mood. She shrugged me off and told me no, so I stopped and ended up going to bed. I woke up at 2am and saw she wasn’t next to me and thought to myself no way she left. I went out to the living room and saw she was sleeping on the couch. I woke her up and asked her why she wasn’t sleeping with me and she woke up and grumpily asking why I woke her up. I asked her if she was mad at me for something and why she wasn’t sleeping in my bed with me. She got pissed said it was 2am and told me to go back to sleep(she stays up till 5am all the time, she’s a night owl). I got pissed because I only see her a couple times a month if that and she didn’t give me any attention all day. So I took her stuff out of my room and left it next to her in the living room. I woke up and she was gone. That was our first “big fight”. But relationships are work and I was willing to work through it.
After that for the next couple weeks she was kind of distant which is not normal for her. The vibe was off. Out of the blue she texts me and says she has something to tell me… she found out she was pregnant. My heart stopped and I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. We ended up getting rid of it and it was very rough for both of us. But we got eachother through it. But something bothered me.
She constantly goes on motorcycle rides 1 on 1 with guys or go rides with groups of guys from 12am-5am which bothers me. It’s not once in a while it’s multiple times a week. She always tells me they are just friends but with my past of course that’s going to make me feel a certain type of way. This is my boundary. I don’t think that riding 1 on 1 with another guy or a group of just guys past 12am or in general is acceptable. For me that’s like going on a date with someone and expecting your partner to be okay with it. I’ve communicated that to her but she always gets defensive and says “so you want me to drop all my friends” But riding for her is a mental release and I don’t want to say she can’t go ride with her friends. I’ve never been that controlling. But it bothers me and I’ll go deeper into that later. Anyways the other thing that bothered me is after she found out she was pregnant she wouldn’t let me support her at all. Wouldn’t let me go to her appointments with her wouldn’t let me be there with her at all through it. Then my mind started wondering. She said that she’s infertile, she was on her period, and I watched her take a plan B the next morning. The chances of you getting pregnant after all of that is slim to none. All that on top of the fact that she was distant with me and would hang around other men all the time. On top of all that she posted a picture of her alone with another dude with both of there bikes at night. She put a song saying “I just want you by my side, I can’t control this feeling, just want you by my side, by my side”. The thing that bothered me even more is she said she only posts songs that have meaning to it. So you’re saying you want this guy by your side and you can’t control it. Like wtf. How are you going to get angry at me for liking one girls post out of the thousands of other things I like but expect me to be okay with that. It just really bothered me just a mix of alot of crap at once. I didn’t bring it up to her though because I wanted to do it in person.
The next couple weeks after we got rid of it we still didn’t see eachother so at that point it had been about a month. A week before she saw me, one of her guy friends crashed there motorcycle and ended up going to the hospital. I’m glad she told me but was also not okay with her actions. She told me she went to the hospital at 3am and cared for his wounds until 5am. I can understand going there and supporting him or bringing him flowers or something during the day. But going there at 3am for 2 hours and caring for his wounds is not okay. Especially when there are nurses there that can do that for him. Way too emotional and sensual to be doing that when you have a boyfriend. Her excuse was he had no one there for him and she was just being motherly.
Now a week later I finally saw her. I had some things I wanted to talk to her about. 1. Her posting that pic with the dude and the song 2. Her caring for the other dude at the hospital at 3am. 3. Did you cheat on me or is there a chance the baby isn’t mine. 4. How riding with men bothers me. I brought up the picture and she said the song had no meaning and thought they looked cool. 🤨 She said the incident at the hospital she was just being motherly. Okay then why did you go at 3am and care for his wounds they have nurses that can do that. She continued to say there was no one there for him and she was doing it of motherly instinct. To the cheating part she said she didn’t. To the riding with guys part, guess what she said? “You expect me to drop all my friends?” That whole conversation made my guts twist but I decided to trust her. In the end if she did do things with other guys that’s on her and not me.
The next few months were fine. We had our usual fts, played hours of Roblox together, she would come over and go on dates with me and spend the night. But I noticed something she lost the hunger she used to have for me before we started dating. Not even just from these arguments we had. The day I decided to date her she just put a bit of less effort into me and I noticed it immediately. Not to the point of where she disregards me and is not putting in any effort but definitely less than when we were not dating. Which is what I was afraid of happened.
It ended up being her birthday and she loves cinnamon roll from hello kitty. I ended up dropping 400$ on cinnamon roll themed things like bags, a puzzle thing you put together, purse, little keychains, a armored hoodie for when she rides, a camera mount for her windshield, and a LED light up leg bag for when she rides. I also surprised her with a build a bear cinnamon roll stuffed animal. I made her meet me at build a bear on her motorcycle while I was riding mine and walked her straight to the store. She asked what we were doing there. I surprised her and pulled cinnamon roll out of my bag. She was so happy. We got it stuffed together, put scent on it, and I even left her a message in it. I also bought her a couple different outfits. Then we went and got food after. I hate giving gifts to I’ve never been a gift giver. But for her I changed… so much.
The month or so after that was good but then we got into the main thing of why I wrote all of this. Out of the blue she sent me a text and asked if she could ask me something. She sent me a screenshot of some biker moms profile and asked why I followed her. I was put into a huge biker gc with like 30 people and she was one of the people in it. She followed my biker page so I followed her back. Didn’t like any of her photos or anything. In that lady’s bio it says she’s a nurse and I’m a firefighter so I got to the hospital a lot. R asked if that was someone I met at the hospital and I told her no she was from a giant biker gc that I am in. I reassured her by saying “You don’t have to worry baby I don’t speak to her at all”. Then she said “it’s not that. Just some things that I have noticed that made me want to pull away”. To that I asked “like what”. To that she said “i told you watching porn is off limits or anything like that remember. that’s just my boundary cuz for me that’s cheating. but seeing the stuff you interact with on instagram honestly just told me everything i needed to know”. I don’t watch porn btw. I usually masturbate to her or the thought of her.
But the reason she said that is because we shared a blend on my biker page and all that was coming up for her that was recommend to me was stuff about wanting a 3rd person in your relationship or stuff like “l'll never understand girls who don't want their man texting other girls.” Some girls dressed inappropriately and some goth girl stuff. She continued on and said this “mind you all these things are suggested for YOU. from our mixed thread. yeah you can go and say you don’t like that stuff but when i go to our thread all my stuff is memes and sad stuff. you’re stuff is this. so you interact with it in some way. That’s why it pops up on your page” and “i didn’t say you liked them. i said they constantly pop up on your feed. meaning you interact with similar videos in some way. listen i’m not stupid okay. i’ve been with men before and there stuff didn’t look like that. why? because they don’t interact with it i’m not saying you directly liked those specific videos. but instagram is pushing out videos to you’re feed that are similar to the stuff you watch.” And finally “all i’m gonna say is i don’t like it and watching and interacting with stuff like this is cheating that’s it.” To that I literally screen recorded my reels page and my fyp and sent her 8 minutes of me refreshing and scrolling down to show her that crap isn’t in my feed on both of my accounts. She said something wasn’t adding up and after saying some more stuff to eachother we both went to sleep.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if she wanted to play Roblox with me. She said yes but give her 5 mins. She ended up ft me and we were about to hop on discord when I was like you know what I’m going to screen share and show her my feed. I screen shared and I didn’t know you could do this but she said go to your liked posts. I did on my main account and after 5 minutes of scrolling nothing. Then she said to switch to my bike account which I did. I scrolled though my liked and out of the 1000 super depressing posts I liked she saw that one post I liked. I ended up liking a girls post a month ago. Somewhat sexual and she showed her body a little bit. It was a girl that I had been following since before her. Never spoke to this girl or perused her in any way. I didn’t think much of it but she absolutely freaked out on me about it. First she was calm but then exploded. She immediately hung up on me. After she hung up on me we had a huge argument over text thats longer than this whole thing I’m typing. Basically she got super mad at me for following that girl and liking her post. I unfollowed that girl and unliked her post immediately to show her that i didn’t care one bit about that girl but it wasn’t enough for her. She kept asking why did you follow this girl. I told R I had been following her before we met but i did like a picture that she posted 1 month ago. Then she showed me another girl i follow that i haven’t liked any of her photos and said “why are you following this slut” I said again I’m not sure. I said she followed me and I followed back I had been following her for so long I don’t remember when I did. But I’m not really active on social media and definitely don’t keep track of every person I follow and the exact date that I do.
R kept insisting that I was lying about the reason of why I followed her to which I said I wasn’t. I was telling the truth yet she kept telling me I was lying. Like the other girl I unfollowed her to prove my point that I don’t give a fuck about the other girls. Only her. Then again we went back and forth for longer than this whole message is. I told her “Don’t have anything to hide if I’m willing to show you my likes” and then I finally had enough of her attacking me when I dealt with the issue. I said “Pull up your likes and let’s see the guy thirst traps you like”. She sent me a screen recording of her likes and I didn’t find anything at all not even the posts of her guy friends that she rides with. I thought that was sketchy so I went a looked at all her “friends” she rides with posts and stories to see what I could find. Also started following them all. I found multiple posts of guys photos that she liked and multiple videos of her “friends” shirtless flexing his muscles. I looked at other pages and it would be 30 posts of a dudes bike by itself and the one post of him on his bike she would like. The more I dug the more I found. More guys posts that she liked. I brought it up to her and she had nothing but excuses. Saying oh they are just my friends, I’ve known them for years(not all of them), I actually know these people in person. Then R said you don’t even know these sluts that you are following and liking there photos. I follow 700 people and maybe 10 of them are girls and I only liked one girls post.
So it’s okay for her to follow and like pics of shirtless dudes flexing and all these biker guys photos while we are dating but if I follow a girl that I have been following since before her that’s wrong. First it was why tf are you liking this girls posts. Then when I unfollowed and unliked one girl. Then it’s why are you following this girl(didn’t like any of her posts). That girl I also unfollowed. Then when I do the same to her and ask her why she’s liking shirtless pics/videos of dudes and certain pictures on dudes pages that are full of bikes and she like the only pic of them on there bike. Then it’s not a problem because she has known them for years or knows them in person.
After that to end that convo she said “i just asked you to not like pictures of bitches not that hard. I’m done with this conversation it’s over. Obviously we’re not going to get what we want” to that I said “Yet you want me to not have any female friends? First of all I only have C, J, and A. Who I barely see. Yet you have all these dudes you ride with and you have the balls to get angry at me for liking some random bitches post months ago? Crazy… and no I don’t want to be that controlling of you and tell you not to have any guy friends. But when you get angry at me for liking some bitches post months ago it makes me want to be petty back to you. I don’t want to be that controlling of you but you’re honestly being a hypocrite rn. Think about this. You are getting mad at me for liking a bitches post months ago. Yet you expect me to be okay with you caring for another dude in the hospital at 3am and riding with all these dudes super late at night. I just asked you not to care for a dude late at night at the hospital. Also asked you just to not to ride with 5 dudes at 3am yet you still continue to do so and make excuses. It’s not that hard to not ride with 5 dudes late at night and care for someone at 3am for 2 hours. If it’s over then leave me. Seems like it what you want. I can’t be the only taking accountability for the things I do.” To that she said I’m putting words in her mouth and all she asked was for me to stop liking bitches posts. And claimed she doesn’t hang out with a bunch of dudes at 5am. Then she said “just leave me the fuck alone for now. i haven’t fucking relapsed in over a year and you, you fuck with me so bad mentally i fucking couldn’t help it today. you’re fucking with my nervous system. i just wanted to have a good fucking relationship for once. i shouldn't have to stress myself until im sick for you to understand how you made me feel” to that I said “I liked that picture months ago why is it coming up now. If it was recent like the last week I could understand. But it’s months ago. Now you’re mad at me for something that happened months ago. Again you ride with dudes constantly past 12am and I’m supposed to sit here and be quiet about it. Yet I like some bitches post months ago and it’s the end of the world. I’ll stop liking bitches posts for you, it really doesn’t matter to me. But if you are going to be like that, I have to be a certain way too. I want you to stop riding with dudes period, that’s my boundary.” To that she said “yeah right. i’m not dropping literally all of my friends. i’m not asking you to drop you’re female friends bro” btw i only have two guy friends i only see once or twice a month and my one female friends who’ve I’ve know for years is some overweight Jamaican lady who I am not the least bit interested in. She’s like a sister to me and I talk to her all the time about R and R knows I do. The Jamaican chick knows all about my family issues and issues with R she’s the girl I go to when I need relationship advice and again. She’s not attractive at all to me.
She continued on thinking I was lying about only having 3 friends 2 of them being guys. She got angry at me because I went over to my Jamaican friends house on my bike and had one beer with her yet we talked about R the whole time. R thinks I went over there and got drunk with the Jamaican girl. R constantly called me lustful through all of this. To one of the things she said about my Jamaican friend I said “ Yes I’m lustful and attracted to some overweight fat black bitch I’ve known for years who I’ve never been the slightest bit attracted to. If you’re that insecure that’s on you. It’s honestly embarrassing. I went over to her house, had one beer, and talked about you the whole time. I rode my bike there and home so I barely drank. I’m the only one fighting for this relationship rn.” To that she said “oh really are you? cuz it sure doesn’t seem like it. you made me feel like shit you sure as fuck lustful over bitches on instagram tho. that are half naked. i bet you if i posted pictures like them you wouldn’t fucking like that shit. but it’s okay for you to fucking like it when other hoes post it” Btw this was my first time seeing this Jamaican girl in years.
We had that conversation on Friday. We didn’t talk until Sunday then she sent this. “can you answer me. I don’t like this, at all. I don’t like not talking to you. Please” to that I said “I think we need some time apart” which she agreed with. Then she started back up again and sent a screen shot of the girls ig I unfollowed a couple days ago and said “yeah you can go fuck yourself” to that I said “Wow crazy how I didn’t like any of her photos or comment on them. I don’t talk to, comment, or pursue any of these women you send to me. But maybe I should tho because I’m so lustful and can’t control myself. I don't want anyone else. I'm not going to DM, comment on, or pursue any of those people. I want us to work on this, not make each other more insecure.” She continued on and said “ok you didn’t like any of her stuff. but she still pops up on your feed. why the fuck did you follow her then?? how did you even find her well literally all you have been doing is making me insecure.” When she said that thing about her being insecure she calmed down a bit I could feel it. I told her I followed that girl long before her and already unfollowed her a couple days ago when she asked.
After that I followed some of the guys she rides with apparently they started messaging her about it which I don’t believe. She put her acc on private and removed me as a follower on both my accounts. So i deactivated both my accounts and logged out of my social media. She sent me a screen shot of my instagram page coming up as “instagram user” saying “blocking me on both your instagram accounts is crazy” to that I told her no I didn’t. She then said “The worst thing you can give me is space. If you let me learn to live without you, I will forget that you exist.” To that I said “Maybe you should learn to live without me” to that she said “why are you doing this to me.” To that I said “I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm not asking for rules that only apply to you. I want the same standards for both of us. I felt like liking a picture became a huge issue for you, but when it comes to things that make me uncomfortable, I'm expected to accept them. That imbalance has made me question whether this relationship is fair, and I can't ignore how it's made me feel anymore.” To that she said “you’re asking me to drop all of my friends. it’s not fair it’s like me asking you to drop every single one of your friends” I should of said I don’t have friends but I didn’t instead I said “ That's not what I'm asking. I'm not asking you to drop all your friends. I'm trying to explain that there are situations that make me uncomfortable, just like there are situations that make you uncomfortable. I want us to be able to talk about those without either of us feeling like only one person's feelings matter.” To that all she said was “okay” I said that’s all you have to say? She said it’s best if she doesn’t talk she’s already on the “edge”. I said thank you for telling me that. Then we haven’t talked for one day now.
So here’s where we are at. She’s had problems with me following girls in the past and liking a two girls photos. But I unliked those two photos and unfollowed the girls she wanted me too, right away no issue. She also doesn’t want me posting any gym photos or going out on rides with other women. But it’s okay for her to go out and ride 1 on 1 with dudes or a group of dudes past 12am. It’s okay for her to like shirtless pics/vids of dudes flexing because she knows them and rides with them. It’s okay for her to follow and like other dudes post because she knows them or rides with them. It’s okay for her to go to the hospital at 3am for 2 hours and change a dudes bandages because she knows him.
One of the hardest parts about all this is all the great moments we have had together. We click so well emotionally, physically, and sexually. Our sounds have become intertwined. We have had so many emotional and deep moments. Rides on our motorcycles, playing Roblox for hours, sitting there cuddling for hours(not sexually), slow meaningful kisses(not sexually), the dates we’ve been on, all the quality time we spend together. I like the way she looks, feels, smells, tastes, and (sometimes) the things she say. She feels the same about me. For example we will get into arguments and won’t speak for a day then she misses me and says she can’t stand not talking to me and needs me to respond. Even when she’s angry at me she wants to speak to me. We have had so many good moments and some bad ones too so I’m torn. She is also my first girlfriend and genuinely have never Clicked/felt this way with anyone before. It sounds stupid like there are more fish in the sea. But ive never clicked with someone like this so it’s hard to think about letting go.
She claims all I’ve been doing since we are dating has been making her insecure. I feel crazy sometimes talking to her, like how does she not understand where I am coming from. Based on all this information what are your thoughts on this situation? What should my next steps be? I just need opinions/advice in general so please leave something.
It’s a lot to read but I want to give as much context/background info as possible. So get your popcorn and put on your reading glasses.
I’m a 23M and my girlfriend is a 22F. We have been talking for a little bit over a year and dating for about 4 months. Let me start off by giving background information about my girlfriend and I. We both have been through a lot emotionally. IE: depression, anxiety, $uicidal thoughts/actions, and r@p€(she has, I haven’t). I’m the first to admit I’m not perfect but I have healed very well from my trauma. Yes from time to time I still feel those bad emotions but I know how to deal with them and know they will eventually pass. On the other hand my girlfriend hasn’t completely healed. On top of the not healing she has bpd, depression, and is bipolar.
This is my first relationship, I went through a lot growing up with women. Dad left, mom was mentally abusive, then went back to my dad who was an alcoholic who smokes cigarettes. A lot of back and forth. I was forced to feel emotions at such a young age that forced me to mature but I didn’t realize how different I was compared to other people. I used to give girls everything, my time, my effort, hours on hours and I got treated like shit every single time. It was like that through middle school. I would say over and over to myself what did I do wrong, I did everything right. It would always be me or another guy and they would choose him over me. It’s like you want someone who will truly care for you or some pos drug dealer who is know for beating women and cheating on them. They would always choose him. Then after a couple months of being treated like crap they would come crawling back to me and my dumb self used to take them back. I’d help them through the pain of that situation then they would leave once they were healed. But I finally got to a point where I had to stop, it was weighing too much on me mentally. Between that and my issues at home it was too much. I was always very popular throughout middle school and high school but alone/distant from everyone. Only having 1 real friend throughout high school. I struggled a lot mentally during those times. I was in the gym everyday for about 3 hours and dieted my ass off. Drank but smoked a lot of weed. Just drowned all my mental pain with physical pain at the gym. After graduating highschool I was even more lonely, but through all that time of being alone I learned to enjoy it and thrive in it. I mean true isolation from everyone. Not caring about my family, having no one there for me but myself.
I never really had the urge to date. I wanted to have sex but never really wanted to date. Not in the way where I’m fucking everything that walks or doing it with multiple women at a time. But just never really wanted that emotional connection. I wanted to fuck, be there for that person, listen to there pain/struggles, go on cute dates, but just never really wanted the title of “dating”. Yes I realize how messed up that sounds but it’s how I felt and couldn’t change that. I never really talked to girls or pursued them, it was kind of like if they come they come if they don’t they don’t. If they did I was honest with them about what I wanted before we did anything. I never really stressed or thought about it too much. I just enjoyed my quiet and peaceful life, alone.
Fast forward to now I never go out to clubs or anything. Never really been into that stuff. Still only have three friends and I only see two of them maybe once or twice a month if that. The other friend I’ve only seen once in the past couple years. Other than that I’m alone. But I’m not complaining about being alone it’s more peaceful that way. My hobbies are still the gym, fishing, and riding my motorcycle. I’m currently a firefighter so I see alot of stuff at work which can kind of dull my emotions towards “normal things”. I was already pretty numb before going into this career but since I’ve been a firefighter its just made “normal people problems” seem more minuscule. I’m used to seeing horrible living conditions, people with nasty injuries, mentally ill people, and from time to time dead people or mangled bodies. Then I’m supposed to go back and act like someone running out of their favorite coffee is the end of the world. I see people get stressed out and break down at the littlest of things, at least they are little to me. Like this person said I was ugly today let me let it ruin my whole entire day.
Anyways enough about me. I could go on for hours about my past trauma, that was just a quick summary. So imagine what I said but way worse. I met this girl let’s just call her “R”. I met R on Instagram, I was posting pictures of my motorcycle and she followed me and I saw that she rode too. I sent her a dm and called her pretty and said that we should go on a ride together. Next thing you know I had a late call one night at 2am during my job and I saw that she was up and figured I’d ft her. We ended up talking until 6am. No prior calls or ft before that. We just clicked, we were throwing insults at eachother, laughing, just getting to know each other. I could say whatever I wanted around her and she didn’t get offended or hurt. We just clicked immediately. At that point I still didn’t want a relationship. After a couple months went by of us talking a couple times a week and getting to know each other better, she caught feelings. I told her over and over “do not catch feelings for me I will hurt you”. I said it directly to her face multiple times and over text. But she didn’t listen. She lives two hours away from me and her parents don’t like boys staying the night so she always comes over to me and will spend the day/night with me. Anyways she was begging and begging me for months to date me. I wouldn’t budge and kept telling her to not catch feelings for me. Told her I was heartless and emotionless.
We would ft and she would screenshot stuff all the time. She’s obsessed with how I look and the way I act. She even admitted to masturbating to the screenshots she took of me and they weren’t even sexual ones. Besides that we had so many amazing moments together that words can’t even describe. So powerful, emotional, and deep. Late night talks, slow kissing(not in a sexual way), our souls slowly got intertwined with eachother. I never opened up to her but she cared so much about everything. I’ve never had anyone care or put that much effort into me before. After about 7 months of her begging me to date her and her non stop effort I still didn’t want to date her. I had not cried in 6 years and one day I just got super emotional in-front of her and broke down crying(just a little)while I just fell into her lap and broke. Immediately after that I snapped out of it and apologized. This was very weird for me because I’ve never really been emotional and had been numb for so long. Also I felt so weak for that and hated it. But this one person made me feel so much emotion. After that she started to put pressure on me to date her. A couple weeks later I invited her over and sat her down and expressed this to her in person. I told her that I’m just not ready to date you. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy spending time with you, being on ft with you, going on dates, cuddling with you, having sex with you, and talking. I’m just not ready to date. I had to sit there and see the pain in her eyes, see her body language change immediately, and see her world crumble. I didn’t shed a single tear.
Here was our first little argument and really the main issues I want to talk about or at least the start of it. I had been following girls on ig before talking to her and ended up liking a girls picture while we were talking. 99.9% of the posts I like are motorcycle things, fishing stuff, random memes, or really depressing stuff. She ft me one day while I was on shift and blew up on me about it then hung up. I ended up unfollowing and unliked that girls posts immediately showing her that the girl I follow doesn’t mean crap to me. I unfollowed a couple other girls I’ve know for years. But I mean she lost her mind over it. We were not dating yet but had been talking for about 8 months at this point. I said why don’t we have some space from eachother and not talk for a week. A day or two into us not talking she was texting saying she misses me and how she wants to talk. I ended up not talking to her for 4 days and caved. When we started talking again the vibe was off, it just didn’t feel the same. She said what I told her about not wanting to date her and the fact that I didn’t talk to her for four days “chemically altered her brain”. Around a month later we moved on from that argument and we’re back to normal talking.
Then I started to finally cave in and catch feelings. One night she came over and I ended up asking her to be my gf. She obviously said yes and was very happy. I was always very hesitant to date her too because I had a gut feeling she would lose feelings because she finally caught what she was chasing. Call me gross but that night we had unprotected sex(she was on her period) and I did not pull out(she always begs for creampies but I never do it). If I have not mentioned we are both very hyper sexual. So we usually had sex a lot after we spent some quality time together or went out on our date. The next day she had to do something called the MSF course for her motorcycle license(shes been riding for 4 years without it). So the next day we got up at 9am and started working on it together. It’s just clicking through videos and taking some easy tests but it takes all day to do. I don’t get to see her often due to our work schedules so when I see her I want to go do stuff with her and have sex. That morning she really didn’t give my any attention at all. I got up made breakfast for us and was just chilling all day while she worked on the course. I was helping her with the course a little, giving her back rubs, and some kisses here and there. She was barely talking to me and being kinda rude. It was around 8pm at this point and still zero attention to me. I decided to go drink some whiskey. I figured we could both drink and have a nice evening watch a movie or play some games together. But she didn’t want to drink, and I had no problem with that. It was around 11pm now and I wanted to have some sex and was rubbing her back and doing some things to get her in the mood. She shrugged me off and told me no, so I stopped and ended up going to bed. I woke up at 2am and saw she wasn’t next to me and thought to myself no way she left. I went out to the living room and saw she was sleeping on the couch. I woke her up and asked her why she wasn’t sleeping with me and she woke up and grumpily asking why I woke her up. I asked her if she was mad at me for something and why she wasn’t sleeping in my bed with me. She got pissed said it was 2am and told me to go back to sleep(she stays up till 5am all the time, she’s a night owl). I got pissed because I only see her a couple times a month if that and she didn’t give me any attention all day. So I took her stuff out of my room and left it next to her in the living room. I woke up and she was gone. That was our first “big fight”. But relationships are work and I was willing to work through it.
After that for the next couple weeks she was kind of distant which is not normal for her. The vibe was off. Out of the blue she texts me and says she has something to tell me… she found out she was pregnant. My heart stopped and I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. We ended up getting rid of it and it was very rough for both of us. But we got eachother through it. But something bothered me.
She constantly goes on motorcycle rides 1 on 1 with guys or go rides with groups of guys from 12am-5am which bothers me. It’s not once in a while it’s multiple times a week. She always tells me they are just friends but with my past of course that’s going to make me feel a certain type of way. This is my boundary. I don’t think that riding 1 on 1 with another guy or a group of just guys past 12am or in general is acceptable. For me that’s like going on a date with someone and expecting your partner to be okay with it. I’ve communicated that to her but she always gets defensive and says “so you want me to drop all my friends” But riding for her is a mental release and I don’t want to say she can’t go ride with her friends. I’ve never been that controlling. But it bothers me and I’ll go deeper into that later. Anyways the other thing that bothered me is after she found out she was pregnant she wouldn’t let me support her at all. Wouldn’t let me go to her appointments with her wouldn’t let me be there with her at all through it. Then my mind started wondering. She said that she’s infertile, she was on her period, and I watched her take a plan B the next morning. The chances of you getting pregnant after all of that is slim to none. All that on top of the fact that she was distant with me and would hang around other men all the time. On top of all that she posted a picture of her alone with another dude with both of there bikes at night. She put a song saying “I just want you by my side, I can’t control this feeling, just want you by my side, by my side”. The thing that bothered me even more is she said she only posts songs that have meaning to it. So you’re saying you want this guy by your side and you can’t control it. Like wtf. How are you going to get angry at me for liking one girls post out of the thousands of other things I like but expect me to be okay with that. It just really bothered me just a mix of alot of crap at once. I didn’t bring it up to her though because I wanted to do it in person.
The next couple weeks after we got rid of it we still didn’t see eachother so at that point it had been about a month. A week before she saw me, one of her guy friends crashed there motorcycle and ended up going to the hospital. I’m glad she told me but was also not okay with her actions. She told me she went to the hospital at 3am and cared for his wounds until 5am. I can understand going there and supporting him or bringing him flowers or something during the day. But going there at 3am for 2 hours and caring for his wounds is not okay. Especially when there are nurses there that can do that for him. Way too emotional and sensual to be doing that when you have a boyfriend. Her excuse was he had no one there for him and she was just being motherly.
Now a week later I finally saw her. I had some things I wanted to talk to her about. 1. Her posting that pic with the dude and the song 2. Her caring for the other dude at the hospital at 3am. 3. Did you cheat on me or is there a chance the baby isn’t mine. 4. How riding with men bothers me. I brought up the picture and she said the song had no meaning and thought they looked cool. 🤨 She said the incident at the hospital she was just being motherly. Okay then why did you go at 3am and care for his wounds they have nurses that can do that. She continued to say there was no one there for him and she was doing it of motherly instinct. To the cheating part she said she didn’t. To the riding with guys part, guess what she said? “You expect me to drop all my friends?” That whole conversation made my guts twist but I decided to trust her. In the end if she did do things with other guys that’s on her and not me.
The next few months were fine. We had our usual fts, played hours of Roblox together, she would come over and go on dates with me and spend the night. But I noticed something she lost the hunger she used to have for me before we started dating. Not even just from these arguments we had. The day I decided to date her she just put a bit of less effort into me and I noticed it immediately. Not to the point of where she disregards me and is not putting in any effort but definitely less than when we were not dating. Which is what I was afraid of happened.
It ended up being her birthday and she loves cinnamon roll from hello kitty. I ended up dropping 400$ on cinnamon roll themed things like bags, a puzzle thing you put together, purse, little keychains, a armored hoodie for when she rides, a camera mount for her windshield, and a LED light up leg bag for when she rides. I also surprised her with a build a bear cinnamon roll stuffed animal. I made her meet me at build a bear on her motorcycle while I was riding mine and walked her straight to the store. She asked what we were doing there. I surprised her and pulled cinnamon roll out of my bag. She was so happy. We got it stuffed together, put scent on it, and I even left her a message in it. I also bought her a couple different outfits. Then we went and got food after. I hate giving gifts to I’ve never been a gift giver. But for her I changed… so much.
The month or so after that was good but then we got into the main thing of why I wrote all of this. Out of the blue she sent me a text and asked if she could ask me something. She sent me a screenshot of some biker moms profile and asked why I followed her. I was put into a huge biker gc with like 30 people and she was one of the people in it. She followed my biker page so I followed her back. Didn’t like any of her photos or anything. In that lady’s bio it says she’s a nurse and I’m a firefighter so I got to the hospital a lot. R asked if that was someone I met at the hospital and I told her no she was from a giant biker gc that I am in. I reassured her by saying “You don’t have to worry baby I don’t speak to her at all”. Then she said “it’s not that. Just some things that I have noticed that made me want to pull away”. To that I asked “like what”. To that she said “i told you watching porn is off limits or anything like that remember. that’s just my boundary cuz for me that’s cheating. but seeing the stuff you interact with on instagram honestly just told me everything i needed to know”. I don’t watch porn btw. I usually masturbate to her or the thought of her.
But the reason she said that is because we shared a blend on my biker page and all that was coming up for her that was recommend to me was stuff about wanting a 3rd person in your relationship or stuff like “l'll never understand girls who don't want their man texting other girls.” Some girls dressed inappropriately and some goth girl stuff. She continued on and said this “mind you all these things are suggested for YOU. from our mixed thread. yeah you can go and say you don’t like that stuff but when i go to our thread all my stuff is memes and sad stuff. you’re stuff is this. so you interact with it in some way. That’s why it pops up on your page” and “i didn’t say you liked them. i said they constantly pop up on your feed. meaning you interact with similar videos in some way. listen i’m not stupid okay. i’ve been with men before and there stuff didn’t look like that. why? because they don’t interact with it i’m not saying you directly liked those specific videos. but instagram is pushing out videos to you’re feed that are similar to the stuff you watch.” And finally “all i’m gonna say is i don’t like it and watching and interacting with stuff like this is cheating that’s it.” To that I literally screen recorded my reels page and my fyp and sent her 8 minutes of me refreshing and scrolling down to show her that crap isn’t in my feed on both of my accounts. She said something wasn’t adding up and after saying some more stuff to eachother we both went to sleep.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if she wanted to play Roblox with me. She said yes but give her 5 mins. She ended up ft me and we were about to hop on discord when I was like you know what I’m going to screen share and show her my feed. I screen shared and I didn’t know you could do this but she said go to your liked posts. I did on my main account and after 5 minutes of scrolling nothing. Then she said to switch to my bike account which I did. I scrolled though my liked and out of the 1000 super depressing posts I liked she saw that one post I liked. I ended up liking a girls post a month ago. Somewhat sexual and she showed her body a little bit. It was a girl that I had been following since before her. Never spoke to this girl or perused her in any way. I didn’t think much of it but she absolutely freaked out on me about it. First she was calm but then exploded. She immediately hung up on me. After she hung up on me we had a huge argument over text thats longer than this whole thing I’m typing. Basically she got super mad at me for following that girl and liking her post. I unfollowed that girl and unliked her post immediately to show her that i didn’t care one bit about that girl but it wasn’t enough for her. She kept asking why did you follow this girl. I told R I had been following her before we met but i did like a picture that she posted 1 month ago. Then she showed me another girl i follow that i haven’t liked any of her photos and said “why are you following this slut” I said again I’m not sure. I said she followed me and I followed back I had been following her for so long I don’t remember when I did. But I’m not really active on social media and definitely don’t keep track of every person I follow and the exact date that I do.
R kept insisting that I was lying about the reason of why I followed her to which I said I wasn’t. I was telling the truth yet she kept telling me I was lying. Like the other girl I unfollowed her to prove my point that I don’t give a fuck about the other girls. Only her. Then again we went back and forth for longer than this whole message is. I told her “Don’t have anything to hide if I’m willing to show you my likes” and then I finally had enough of her attacking me when I dealt with the issue. I said “Pull up your likes and let’s see the guy thirst traps you like”. She sent me a screen recording of her likes and I didn’t find anything at all not even the posts of her guy friends that she rides with. I thought that was sketchy so I went a looked at all her “friends” she rides with posts and stories to see what I could find. Also started following them all. I found multiple posts of guys photos that she liked and multiple videos of her “friends” shirtless flexing his muscles. I looked at other pages and it would be 30 posts of a dudes bike by itself and the one post of him on his bike she would like. The more I dug the more I found. More guys posts that she liked. I brought it up to her and she had nothing but excuses. Saying oh they are just my friends, I’ve known them for years(not all of them), I actually know these people in person. Then R said you don’t even know these sluts that you are following and liking there photos. I follow 700 people and maybe 10 of them are girls and I only liked one girls post.
So it’s okay for her to follow and like pics of shirtless dudes flexing and all these biker guys photos while we are dating but if I follow a girl that I have been following since before her that’s wrong. First it was why tf are you liking this girls posts. Then when I unfollowed and unliked one girl. Then it’s why are you following this girl(didn’t like any of her posts). That girl I also unfollowed. Then when I do the same to her and ask her why she’s liking shirtless pics/videos of dudes and certain pictures on dudes pages that are full of bikes and she like the only pic of them on there bike. Then it’s not a problem because she has known them for years or knows them in person.
After that to end that convo she said “i just asked you to not like pictures of bitches not that hard. I’m done with this conversation it’s over. Obviously we’re not going to get what we want” to that I said “Yet you want me to not have any female friends? First of all I only have C, J, and A. Who I barely see. Yet you have all these dudes you ride with and you have the balls to get angry at me for liking some random bitches post months ago? Crazy… and no I don’t want to be that controlling of you and tell you not to have any guy friends. But when you get angry at me for liking some bitches post months ago it makes me want to be petty back to you. I don’t want to be that controlling of you but you’re honestly being a hypocrite rn. Think about this. You are getting mad at me for liking a bitches post months ago. Yet you expect me to be okay with you caring for another dude in the hospital at 3am and riding with all these dudes super late at night. I just asked you not to care for a dude late at night at the hospital. Also asked you just to not to ride with 5 dudes at 3am yet you still continue to do so and make excuses. It’s not that hard to not ride with 5 dudes late at night and care for someone at 3am for 2 hours. If it’s over then leave me. Seems like it what you want. I can’t be the only taking accountability for the things I do.” To that she said I’m putting words in her mouth and all she asked was for me to stop liking bitches posts. And claimed she doesn’t hang out with a bunch of dudes at 5am. Then she said “just leave me the fuck alone for now. i haven’t fucking relapsed in over a year and you, you fuck with me so bad mentally i fucking couldn’t help it today. you’re fucking with my nervous system. i just wanted to have a good fucking relationship for once. i shouldn't have to stress myself until im sick for you to understand how you made me feel” to that I said “I liked that picture months ago why is it coming up now. If it was recent like the last week I could understand. But it’s months ago. Now you’re mad at me for something that happened months ago. Again you ride with dudes constantly past 12am and I’m supposed to sit here and be quiet about it. Yet I like some bitches post months ago and it’s the end of the world. I’ll stop liking bitches posts for you, it really doesn’t matter to me. But if you are going to be like that, I have to be a certain way too. I want you to stop riding with dudes period, that’s my boundary.” To that she said “yeah right. i’m not dropping literally all of my friends. i’m not asking you to drop you’re female friends bro” btw i only have two guy friends i only see once or twice a month and my one female friends who’ve I’ve know for years is some overweight Jamaican lady who I am not the least bit interested in. She’s like a sister to me and I talk to her all the time about R and R knows I do. The Jamaican chick knows all about my family issues and issues with R she’s the girl I go to when I need relationship advice and again. She’s not attractive at all to me.
She continued on thinking I was lying about only having 3 friends 2 of them being guys. She got angry at me because I went over to my Jamaican friends house on my bike and had one beer with her yet we talked about R the whole time. R thinks I went over there and got drunk with the Jamaican girl. R constantly called me lustful through all of this. To one of the things she said about my Jamaican friend I said “ Yes I’m lustful and attracted to some overweight fat black bitch I’ve known for years who I’ve never been the slightest bit attracted to. If you’re that insecure that’s on you. It’s honestly embarrassing. I went over to her house, had one beer, and talked about you the whole time. I rode my bike there and home so I barely drank. I’m the only one fighting for this relationship rn.” To that she said “oh really are you? cuz it sure doesn’t seem like it. you made me feel like shit you sure as fuck lustful over bitches on instagram tho. that are half naked. i bet you if i posted pictures like them you wouldn’t fucking like that shit. but it’s okay for you to fucking like it when other hoes post it” Btw this was my first time seeing this Jamaican girl in years.
We had that conversation on Friday. We didn’t talk until Sunday then she sent this. “can you answer me. I don’t like this, at all. I don’t like not talking to you. Please” to that I said “I think we need some time apart” which she agreed with. Then she started back up again and sent a screen shot of the girls ig I unfollowed a couple days ago and said “yeah you can go fuck yourself” to that I said “Wow crazy how I didn’t like any of her photos or comment on them. I don’t talk to, comment, or pursue any of these women you send to me. But maybe I should tho because I’m so lustful and can’t control myself. I don't want anyone else. I'm not going to DM, comment on, or pursue any of those people. I want us to work on this, not make each other more insecure.” She continued on and said “ok you didn’t like any of her stuff. but she still pops up on your feed. why the fuck did you follow her then?? how did you even find her well literally all you have been doing is making me insecure.” When she said that thing about her being insecure she calmed down a bit I could feel it. I told her I followed that girl long before her and already unfollowed her a couple days ago when she asked.
After that I followed some of the guys she rides with apparently they started messaging her about it which I don’t believe. She put her acc on private and removed me as a follower on both my accounts. So i deactivated both my accounts and logged out of my social media. She sent me a screen shot of my instagram page coming up as “instagram user” saying “blocking me on both your instagram accounts is crazy” to that I told her no I didn’t. She then said “The worst thing you can give me is space. If you let me learn to live without you, I will forget that you exist.” To that I said “Maybe you should learn to live without me” to that she said “why are you doing this to me.” To that I said “I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm not asking for rules that only apply to you. I want the same standards for both of us. I felt like liking a picture became a huge issue for you, but when it comes to things that make me uncomfortable, I'm expected to accept them. That imbalance has made me question whether this relationship is fair, and I can't ignore how it's made me feel anymore.” To that she said “you’re asking me to drop all of my friends. it’s not fair it’s like me asking you to drop every single one of your friends” I should of said I don’t have friends but I didn’t instead I said “ That's not what I'm asking. I'm not asking you to drop all your friends. I'm trying to explain that there are situations that make me uncomfortable, just like there are situations that make you uncomfortable. I want us to be able to talk about those without either of us feeling like only one person's feelings matter.” To that all she said was “okay” I said that’s all you have to say? She said it’s best if she doesn’t talk she’s already on the “edge”. I said thank you for telling me that. Then we haven’t talked for one day now.
So here’s where we are at. She’s had problems with me following girls in the past and liking a two girls photos. But I unliked those two photos and unfollowed the girls she wanted me too, right away no issue. She also doesn’t want me posting any gym photos or going out on rides with other women. But it’s okay for her to go out and ride 1 on 1 with dudes or a group of dudes past 12am. It’s okay for her to like shirtless pics/vids of dudes flexing because she knows them and rides with them. It’s okay for her to follow and like other dudes post because she knows them or rides with them. It’s okay for her to go to the hospital at 3am for 2 hours and change a dudes bandages because she knows him.
One of the hardest parts about all this is all the great moments we have had together. We click so well emotionally, physically, and sexually. Our sounds have become intertwined. We have had so many emotional and deep moments. Rides on our motorcycles, playing Roblox for hours, sitting there cuddling for hours(not sexually), slow meaningful kisses(not sexually), the dates we’ve been on, all the quality time we spend together. I like the way she looks, feels, smells, tastes, and (sometimes) the things she say. She feels the same about me. For example we will get into arguments and won’t speak for a day then she misses me and says she can’t stand not talking to me and needs me to respond. Even when she’s angry at me she wants to speak to me. We have had so many good moments and some bad ones too so I’m torn. She is also my first girlfriend and genuinely have never Clicked/felt this way with anyone before. It sounds stupid like there are more fish in the sea. But ive never clicked with someone like this so it’s hard to think about letting go.
She claims all I’ve been doing since we are dating has been making her insecure. I feel crazy sometimes talking to her, like how does she not understand where I am coming from. Based on all this information what are your thoughts on this situation? What should my next steps be? I just need opinions/advice in general so please leave something.
I missed the drop. Will pay for shipping. I’m 23 and love peep, he’s helped me through some dark times. If anyone is willing to sell me this I’ll be forever grateful 🙏
Also does anyone know if these will come back in stock?