Grieving over lost friendships and a relationship for years
I went through a painful break up years ago. I reached out to her a few years ago after a few years of no contact. She apologized to me and gave me some answers as to why she left me and asked to meet me. After making plans to meet me, she told me she was dating someone and he didn’t want her to see me. I was upset that she did this to me and I tried to talk to her about it, and it got ugly. We got into a big argument and she told me that she doesn’t feel good about apologizing to me, I bring her down and remind her of the past, and I torture her. She didn’t mean it when she asked to see me, she loves this guy and doesn’t love me anymore.
Dating has been extremely difficult for me and discouraging. I can’t get a girl to go out with me. Usually, we make plans and they cancel on me and ghost me. Or we go on a date or two, and then they ghost me. I’ve literally only been on a handful of dates in 7 years. My childhood friends also cut me off. I’m still friends with 2 of them, but they don’t spend time with me anymore. One of these two invited me to his wedding, and has only hung out with me a few times since the wedding, 2 years ago. A few of them have gotten married since. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I only found out from seeing the wedding pictures on Instagram.
I also lost two other childhood friends unrelated to this other friend group. They used to date each other in high school. The guy cut me off along with all of his other friends and this female friend for years, and got hooked on drugs and all sorts of crazy stuff. He’s a manipulative narcissist and a compulsive liar and womanizer. I ran into him a couple years after this and he said hi to me and asked me about this friend that he dated. I hadnt heard from her and she seemed to have deleted her social media accounts. I called her and talked to her and asked her why she stopped talking to me and that I ran into this guy earlier today. She told me that it was basically because of him and she was worried I would “ take his side over hers” we had a fairly good conversation that night, but she still wouldn’t talk to me. I rekindled my friendship with this guy and he rekindled his friendship with everyone else that he ghosted as well. He also started dating this girl again, but she still wouldn’t talk to me.
He had told me that apparently, this girl and her parents hated me and him. He heard it from our mutual friend that she apparently hung out with and hooked up with. I was confused as to why that would be and would try texting her and calling her, but she still wouldn’t talk to me. He was cheating on her and I think he was poisoning the waters between us because he didn’t want me telling her this. Someone else ended up telling her and me and this guy friend got into a big fight because we tried starting a business together and it wasn’t working out. This female friend called me and apologized to me, also acknowledged that she wasn’t a good friend to me. She still won’t talk to me, won’t answer my calls or text me. I tried following her on Instagram, but she didn’t accept my follow request.
I’m almost 30 and this has all been going on since my early 20’s. I have no friends, I’m just as heart broken now over losing the love of my life as I was back then. I assume she’s married now, just like my lost friends. This grief is also interfering with my professional life. I live with my mom and her boyfriend because I can’t support myself financially. I don’t have any trade skills and I don’t have a college degree. My depression and grief makes it hard for me to focus. I feel like life is passing me by. My 20’s feel lost.
Thank you for reading. Any advice would be appreciated.