u/Substantial_Bed_5300

when i was about 8 years old, i discovered that if i “wiggled” my lower body on a surface, it would feel good. i did this a lot as a kid, and i didn’t really know what i was doing. but, i live in a smaller house, and i have always shared a room with my older sister. i remember durn this period of my life (9-13) i would hump my bed or floor a lot after my sister went to sleep.

the thing i am most mortified about is that when i was about 12/13, i am pretty sure i was sleeping in the same bed as my little sister or something. all i remember is humping either the ground or my bed (which she also would have been in), and her saying “what are you doing?” and i told to just go back to sleep.

i feel so bad omg. i didn’t know it was that bad at the time, and i was just doing what i did every night to fall asleep. the biggest part is i hope i didn’t traumatize her or something. i never included her in these acts or touched her, but omfg what the hell was wrong with me.

once i was like 14/15, i learned to do it in private, but i am still super guilty about it years later…

for the record, i have very bad pocd.

so i was on spankbang, and i was watching these videos that had an overwhelming amount of pornographic pictures throughout the video. there were so many pictures to the point i couldn’t digest all of of them. i then started getting compulsions to watch them to make sure i was addicted to them(which in hindsight was the opposite of what i should have done). i found someone who creates these videos on patreon, so i subscribed to it. then i got more of these gooner caption videos, but now i am horrified that maybe some pictures were CP. i did not see any pictures that looked bad or illegal, but because i am not 100% sure, i am terrified i accidentally bought CP.

the thought just popped into my head one day. any advice to not ruminate about this?? i am so scared of going to prison, and that now i am a pedophile. this has been affecting me a lot for the past month. please help

im sorry if this is the wrong place to ask:

i (17f) have been looking at gooner caption videos since i was like 12. these also tend to have some weird hypnosis elements to them. anyways i have also bought this kind of content, and i feel so gross. i also saw someone one reddit say how people put cp into these captions??? im pretty sure you’d have to actively look for cp to find it, tho, which i have never done and never want to see that.

but, i have seen a lot of these captions on reddit, and i have watched a lot of those
videos on a well known pron website . anyways, just the thought of ppl putting csam or something like that really makes me anxious. however, im pretty sure thats just my ocd cause im a pretty certain i would have known i saw that kind of stuff. still i am scared(like i said, i think thats part is just paranoia). i just kind of assumed that spankbang had legal stuff in it, but then i saw that reddit comment.

anyway, i figured the best way to not be anxious about that stuff is to just not watch porn.

anyways, im sorry you had to hear this rant. i am not a pedophile. i have never wanted to watch cp, and i think it is absolutely disgusting.

i (17f) have been watching this kind of porn since i was like 11 or 12. the thing about it is that it shows various clips every like 2 seconds, so idek some of the stuff i saw. its very overstimulating and it makes me feel gross. i also heard ppl put illegal things like cp in there? i don’t really think that happens, but i am so tired of putting myself in scenarios that could even risk that kind of thing happening. or having to check images and stuff and constantly seeing stuff im not into.

i hate how early i saw porn and i need advice on getting away from this.

so i (17 f) have pretty bad pocd sometimes. and for like the past idk month maybe i was really sacred i accidentally bought cp or downloaded it somewhere or i was just secretly hiding in my files lol.

like it genuinely makes SO MUCH sense when it’s happening. it started when i heard on a reddit comment that sometimes people put cp in normal pron videos, so then that meant 1. that reddit comment was DEFINITELY true and 2. it DEFINITELY happened to me. because if it could maybe be possible that means IT IS possible and it DID happen to me… anyways i started freaking out and compulsively googling if that is true or has happened or whatever.

and i know i am being very silly about right now, but i was genuinely scared i was gunna get arrested and my life was ruined and now people are out to get me blah blah blah.

anyways, i started doing the “maybe it did/didnt” strat for a bit, and that actually helped a lot. now, i am thinking about it and i actually feel so silly lol.

i do not like ocd, and i know if i didnt have it, i could cure cancer or some shit.

anyone else feel like me lol?