u/Superb-Friendship523

I am in a very healthy and loving relationship with my boyfriend. I have been in really rough relationships in the past that have made me have my guard up completely during sex. When my boyfriend and I started dating, I told him that I don’t feel comfortable giving him a bj and he was completely sweet about it. As we are coming closer to a year, he has complained that it makes him feel unwanted or grossed out by him. I have explained that obviously that’s not the case, but it keeps being a topic of discussion. We have a great sex life other than that and I want to physically do it, but I have emotional barriers that I really want to get over to be able to do that with him. I guess my issue is that it feels like i’m bowing down to someone and also bjs are usually very pornographic in nature just because I feel like it’s harder to connect with him romantically during them. I’ve talked about it with someone and they said that i’m trying really hard to protect myself, but my boyfriend is definitely someone I trust and love and want to be vulnerable with. He’s always been respectful of me and I really want to overcome this mental block. Has anyone been in the same boat and gotten over this?

I (20 f) just got broken up with by my (23 m) partner. We are long distance, so our relationship definitely started off very different than most. I had been on dating apps for over a year and had never had any interest in anyone before him. Before we met irl, we realized we have a lot in common. We met and basically became inseparable immediately. He would drive to come see me (I am in Uni and it’s about a 6 hour drive) and stay with me for a week, and then I would fly home to stay with him. We kept this up for two semesters and never seemed to have any issues. We also have never had any issues with any type of infidelity or structural issues in our relationship. Our only problem was that we are both stubborn and slightly argumentative, but never in an aggressive way.

I have been struggling with my mh and he has been more than reasonable with me and the side effects of my depression (no libido, hard time leaving the house, bleh feeling, etc.) and helped me out a lot. I ended up getting medicated for my depression about a month ago AND having to take emergency an contraceptive (that messed me up for 3+ weeks, emotionally and physically) which is when our main issues started. The medication I am on definitely makes me more snappy and I have heightened emotions. We would get into small arguments that would never get solved, and it was definitely starting to take a toll on our relationship. On our anniversary, (cheesy i know) I asked him to stay up 2 minutes until midnight so we could wish each other a happy 6 months. He told me “no I am going to prioritize my sleep.” By the time he had said that, it was already midnight and we continued to argue for 14 more minutes until he hung up. It was just very rude and concerning to me, as sacrificing 2 mins is literally the easiest thing ever. He also never wished me a happy anniversary and practically ignored me the whole day, and I got him a gift, and he didn’t get me anything. He apologized and started getting emotional and stating that he felt bad and wanted to make it up to me. He never did anything to make it up to me, which I would pester him about, which ultimately caused him to breakup with me ON TEXT.

His reasoning was that he was constantly anxious and it always felt like he was in trouble. He also said that I took over his entire head space, which I knew was concerning because he is in recovery and is a very active member of AA and needs to prioritize that. Him and I had an insanely good relationship. We were extremely healthy other than that, and he is the first man i’ve brought home to my family and friends that they approved and loved, and same for him. Our lives were very intertwined.

He sent the text and told me he had only thought about breaking up with me for like 10 mins before he did it. He’s definitely someone who had struggled with impulse in the past, which has made me concerned for him. I really did not want to break up. We were incredible together, but he has basically removed me from every part of his life (all social medias, stopped sharing his location, deleted photos of us, etc). We talked in person, and we told each other we loved each other, were intimate, laughed (a lot), and it was almost as if nothing was wrong. I definitely should have had more self respect, but obviously I did not want to let go and we have talked multiple times since and I have reflected A LOT and have showed him how I can change my behavior (nagging, not giving him a space to tell me that arguments make him anxious also, etc.), but he has not budged. Also it should be noted, that he has never once brought this up as an issue for him.

When finalizing the breakup, he was calling me honey and baby, we talked about how we have feelings for each other, discussed maybe being fwb (???), and he was saying stuff about me being so smart, beautiful, funny, etc. We were cracking jokes and it was literally like as if we had not broken up, but he just kept standing on “we need to break up.” His own therapist was surprised and said that “she didn’t expect this because 3 weeks ago, everything was incredible.”

I feel so confused, and I don’t really know what to do. He is very sweet and it has been suggested to him by a good amount of people that he is on the spectrum. I just genuinely can’t gauge what’s happening, because he’s a peculiar person and i’ve never dealt with something like this. There are definitely more details, but i’m not sure how much more I should write. Help lol

How can I 21F get over a mental block during intimacy with my 24M boyfriend?

Feeling so confused about my breakup.

PHYS 002A. Sign petition for another class please!!!