u/Sweet-Outcome8304

I’m 3 weeks postpartum, my mom texted me last week with the same stupid question she asks every day since having my baby - “hi, how are you?” Sounds innocent enough, right? This is just how she can give herself a pat on the back - “I asked her how she is doing.” But my mom has zero capacity for an emotional conversation or to provide any actual support. So I always say “I’m good/fine/okay, how are you?”

Last week, I was just tired of responding to the same stupid question, and didn’t respond. I finally responded yesterday, and asked how she was, and now she isn’t responding. I know this sounds innocent enough, but this woman is the queen of silent treatment - I received it all the time when I was younger, and she still dishes it out now. Maybe I deserve it because I didn’t respond? But honestly I’m just so tired right now, in a major life adjustment, and I don’t want to keep responding to the same stupid question.

What I want is for a mother who can emotionally hold me as I say - I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit again, but I’m so by mostly okay. I’m having some hard moments with my now middle child, and I feel like I’m not a good enough mom for any of them. But I can’t tell her any of that. I guess I could but at best she would say “you’ll be okay.” And then maybe delay asking me how I am so she doesn’t have to listen to a real response.

I’ve gone pretty low contact. I think they expect me to do video calls so that they can see the baby. But it makes me so uncomfortable when the entire convo is them just fawning over the baby while I’m there incredibly unseen. Which is classic for them - they just want access to my children.

Hi all! I’m 2 weeks postpartum and very much missing my ladder workouts, so planning my return 😆

I’ve primarily used endure and align since joining ladder over a year ago, but was getting a little bored of both and am looking to try a new team. I’ve been eyeing resilient and crews control. I’m an endurance athlete (running), and put in pretty heavy mileage each week. My main goals are to build a strong lower body for my running, but I also want to just get stronger overall (I won’t turn down any accompany aesthetic benefits, haha).

I love the vibe of resilient, and I like how that coach shows up in the chat. But I’ve been seeing lots of positive talk about TCC as well. For those of you who have tried these teams, is there one you’d recommend for me over the other? This is my third baby, so I am a busy working mama of three, and work out in my home gym with primary dumbbells (have a bench, a box, bands, etc as well - but may add a few other pieces if I stick with a team where different equipment is required). Maybe I just need to try out both teams myself, but would value any suggestions/recommendations as well!

I just had my third baby, and decided to video call my brother and parents because I felt bad that I hadn’t, even though I’ve sent them photos.

My mother started crying and it just felt completely over the top. Most people would be like, that’s sweet, that she cares so much, but I feel like she only likes babies. When they start to become kids with their big little feelings, it’s too much for her (I have a 4 and 7 year old as well). This issue is particularly thorny as I struggled with PP depression after my first, and postpartum PTSD after my second. She didn’t care about me then, or now, she just cared about her role and right as grandmother of the babies. She holds a grudge against me because I apparently didn’t let her hold my first born enough when he was born.

Anyways, just venting and a good reminder re: the many reasons I decided to go low contact. She is a weird woman and I’ll never be able to relate to her.

I am 40 + 5 weeks today, and have an induction scheduled for tomorrow morning for being overdue. Last week my OB said I was 3-4cm and she could feel my membranes detaching, and thought I would go into labour within 24-48 hours. Unfortunately, I didn’t (obviously ha).

This is my third baby, and I really want an unmedicated birth. At my hospital, they have hospitalist midwives who start the inductions, and when I spoke to her today, she said she would break my water first and give me a couple of hours to see if I would go into labour on my own. Which makes me feel a bit better because my OB had said she would do pitocin first and then break my water.

With my firstborn, I ended up getting an epidural as I hadn’t prepared for labour at all, and I ended up getting a lot of IV fluids, labour stalled and although I ended up having a vaginal birth, the amount of fluid I got definitely impacted breastfeeding etc. I also feel that I was very close to them pushing a c-section on me due to the labour stall. With my second born, she was a precipitous labour after my water broke spontaneously at home, and I accidentally had her at home.

I’ve been trying pumping today, in hopes that maybe I’ll still go into labour on my own tonight, but also need to make peace with a possible induction tomorrow morning. I’m looking for positive induction stories that resulted in an unmedicated birth, or any advice re: how to keep this unmedicated. 🩷

I’ve realized for quite some time that social media - FB and instagram, but mainly instagram - really impacts me emotionally and mentally. I follow some poetry accounts, and I would say that, plus seeing some things from my favourite musicians, maybe picking up some parenting tips are the only benefits. And truthfully, I could get most of that from just subscribing to the musicians on Spotify and reading books.

I otherwise find myself comparing myself to people I follow - friends, acquaintances, and people i don’t even really know anymore. A couple of years ago, I stayed off instagram for 2 months and didn’t miss it at all, but the minute I downloaded it again and logged in, the mindless scrolling started. I have a brick and I don’t find it that helpful - I feel like I am someone who needs to go cold turkey and just not have it in my life at all.

My main concerns over deleting it are how socially isolated I am right now. I’m a mom to two young children, soon to be 3, and despite moving almost three years ago, I haven’t done a great job of making friends here. Most of my friendships are virtual in nature, in that if I don’t use social media, they won’t text and I’ll miss updates from them etc (which means it’s not really a solid friendship to begin with). But at the same time, I feel really crappy about myself whenever something I post or share doesn’t get engagement from people who I thought were my friends. Which sounds so silly. Every time I delete the apps, I always end up downloading them again.

Anyone relate to this? I just want to live my life in the real world, and I wonder if I just need to accept feeling a bit more isolated so that I can finally ditch instagram and facebook. Any advice from anyone who has felt similarly?

Hi all,
Has anyone been induced at 40 weeks just because of their age? I just turned 39, third pregnancy and birth upcoming and I’m sitting at 39 + 4 weeks with zero signs of labour. My OB did a sweep at 39 weeks, and then another at 39 + 2 because I had to see her for an appt with my daughter (she’s our family physician as well). She strongly recommends induction by 40 weeks because of my age. First baby came at 41 weeks, second at 40 weeks. I’ve had a very healthy pregnancy so far - zero complications, touch wood and have stayed very active.

Has anyone else been induced purely because of age? I’m feeling stressed about it.

My mother posted a Happy Birthday post (to me) on her Facebook wall - no call, no text, nothing. I hate that my family thinks this is an appropriate way to communicate. I don’t think my dad will contact me. Maybe he’ll comment on my mom’s FB post. 🙄

I have an Everett and a Johanna. The only name I have liked is Evelyn, but I think that’s too close to Everett. Everett and Johanna have Dutch roots (my husband’s side), my side is Irish but I don’t like any of the Irish names I’ve seen. Autumn sounds nice to me, too but I’m just not sure. Help!

I am so at a loss re: name for my third child coming in less than 3 weeks! I have an Everett and Johanna right now - both are family names from my husband’s side (Dutch), which we easily settled on. I was thinking about Evelyn, but that might be too close to Everett? I really like names that are a touch on the longer side, and like some connection to our heritage. My husband is part Dutch and I have Irish roots. Any suggestions?

I feel like I’m in this stage where I am trying to make sense of my parents’ behaviour… I think part of me thinks I’m making too big of a deal out of it, especially as I read more about emotionally immature parents - I feel like it could have been, and still could be, a lot worse. I’m in my late 30s and have only really realized how hard my childhood was, and how superficial my relationship with my parents is, when I had my own children and started going to therapy.

My parents were here for 9 days and, among many other challenging things, my mom barely talked to me the entire visit. Part of it could be because of her hearing, but a big piece of it is that she has never been able to have anything but a superficial conversation with me. But as she was leaving, she suddenly tells me that she loves me, and says “good luck with your delivery.” I’m almost 37 weeks pregnant, and she didn’t ask me how I was feeling the entire time she was here, even after I had mentioned to her, on more than one occasion, that I hadn’t gained any weight in the past four weeks. She showed zero concern.

But when she does that as she leaves, I then fall into this almost gaslighting pattern where I tell myself that I really am difficult, and I am expecting and asking too much, and if I was just easier, more pleasant, more hospitable, they would be more likely to engage with me… it is so challenging to know that the interactions and relationship don’t feel good, but then at the same time blame myself for what our relationship has become/is.

I feel really sad, because my children love them, but it’s so painful having them here. It is deeply triggering, everything from the way they talk to me, and still make me feel like I’m being “difficult.” I swear they put on this act of being clueless so that they can play the victim card? It is beyond bizarre. (Not sure if anyone else has experienced this?) The judgement around my parenting is also intense.

My dad seems offended by literally everything that comes out of my mouth, and every conversation is tense. I have a countdown set on my phone to help me get through this visit - 6 more days…

I just can’t stand them anymore.

At least for a little bit. They are coming to visit for nine days tomorrow, and I am riddled with anxiety. And I’ve come to realize that I actually just don’t like them as people anymore, and when you layer all the hurt and trauma in there, there’s not much of a comfortable relationship to be had. I am so close to making up some excuse so that they don’t come. The only reason why I let them this time is because they’ve been asking to come since March, and my youngest has a week off from preschool next week, and they are reasonably helpful with my children. But honestly, the help isn’t even worth it (and, yes, I feel like a shitty human for only inviting them so they can provide some help to me).

I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.

I'm struggling with whether my rescue dog is the right fit for our family and would appreciate some perspective.

My previous dog died almost 2 years ago and I adopted my current dog (a husky/shepherd mix rescue) about 4 months later. I've had her for 1.5 years and still feel like we're not a good match, even though I've been really trying to make it work.

My main concerns are:

• She seems emotionally disconnected from our family and only seeks us out for food, or to get attention when she hears we are playing with our children (often competing for attention - getting between us, etc.)
• She has very poor impulse control (e.g. scratching/howling at doors when she's been waiting for very little time, even as short as a minute, counter surfing, snatching food from my children's hands).
• She has some subtle resource guarding and dismissive licking behaviors that make me uneasy around my children (ages 4 and 6).
• She is a major flight risk and will bolt out doors if given the opportunity - very challenging as we live on a street with lots of young children and she has scared them on occasion as she is quite fast and big.
• She has a very high prey drive and has injured both my husband and me on walks. I'm pregnant with my third and I'm worried about the prey drive in this context as well.

Part of my struggle is wondering whether I'm being unfair because I still miss my previous dog so much. My old dog was calm, family-oriented, gentle with the kids, and easy to live with. At the same time, many of my concerns with this dog feel legitimate and not just comparisons. I have tried so hard to make this work, but the amount of mental energy I put in to managing these behaviours feel unfair to my children and are really impacting my quality of life.

I feel enormous guilt even thinking about rehoming because she isn't a "bad" dog. But after 18 months, I still feel more stressed than connected to her, and I worry that both our family and the dog might be happier in a different situation.

Has anyone been through something similar? I appreciate I will likely get a lot of negative comments, and I totally get that - I never thought I would be the person writing this type of post. Hoping for some advice, though.

My parents live 1000s of km away, but they continue to visit 2-3x/year. And I hate when they visit, but I don’t feel like I want to go no contact with them. I invited them to come up during the week between my kids’ school closing for summer and summer camp, and I am absolutely dreading having them here. I have zero emotional relationship with them, and they continue to have zero capacity to show up for me at all, or show an interest in my life. My mom will ask how I am doing as a check box item, “okay, good, got that over with.” My anxiety is already so high. (And on top of it, my dad is a horrible, annoying, disrespectful houseguest. It’s like having a third child. But I am going to use boundaries this time because I’ll be 35 weeks pregnant when they visit, and I have zero capacity for it.)

Venting. 🩷

This is my third baby, but my first pregnancy/delivery in Ontario. For my previous births, I’ve had family doctor-OBs, and delivered at a hospital with a level 2/3 NICU and OB and peds on site.

For this pregnancy, I have the choice of 1) being delivered by a family doctor-OB at a community hospital 25 minutes away, with no NICU or peds on site. OB is not on site and would need to be called in. 2) delivered by midwives at a hospital that is 10 minutes away, has a level 2 NICU and both peds and OB on site.

I think because I’ve never had midwives before, I’m nervous about that care pathway, but in terms of safety for both myself and baby, that seems like the safest option? Has anyone else been in this scenario? At the community hospital, if baby needed further supports they would need to be transferred to the nearest NICU 25-30 mins away.

I have a Thule urban glide 2, and the universal car seat adapter. I used the britax b-safe car seat with it for my first two children, but they don’t make that car seat anymore. I’m having a lot of trouble determining compatibility with other car seats (can’t find much info online). Does anyone know what other car seats are compatible with it? I see Britax makes another car seat now, the willow - anyone know if that car seat works with the adapter? There are no dedicated baby stores where I live, so bringing the stroller in to check is not an option.

I’m under the care of midwives for my pregnancy, and I’m curious what others think of the frequency of visits. I’m 30 + 4 right now, and have been seen at 12, 20, 27 and 30 weeks. I was told the next time I’ll be seen is 34 weeks, and during that conversation I got the sense that the next time after that would be 38 weeks. I was followed by FM-OB for my previous pregnancies who saw me according to what I believe is a typical prenatal schedule (every 4 weeks between 12-28 weeks, then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks, and every week until delivery). I’m in Canada, if that helps for context.

The main reason I chose to go with the midwives this time around is two fold: 1) last time I had a precipitous labour that ended up in an accidental home birth, and I’m worried about that happening again. With midwives at least they can come to me if I get in that situation again 2) the only real option where I live is a midwifery team or OB. My family physician does deliveries, but I got the sense from her that it is not very frequent, or at least varies a lot. I like knowing that I’ve met who will deliver my baby at least once, which I know I would get with a FM-OB or midwifery team. Around here anyway, if you are taken care of OB, the person delivering is just going to be whoever the OB on call is that night.

Should I just ask the midwives to be seen more frequently? Is this a yellow/red flag (ie should I see if I have other prenatal/birth options open to me/can transfer my care)? Or am I making too big of a deal about this?

Thanks for any advice - the infrequency of visits makes me a bit nervous, especially because I am a bit older (38, 39 in two months) and have a history of birth trauma… just want to make sure myself and baby are well cared for. ❤️

With all the Mother’s Day sales going on, and with my due date being 10 weeks away, I want to buy a PP strength/core rehab program to take advantage of the sales. I was looking at Mae Hughes PP program, but I haven’t enjoyed her pregnancy program (I don’t like the way the workouts are structured, and the moves she includes are more like physio add ons than a true strength workout for me), so that’s probably not a good fit. For those who have used a program in the past, any you would recommend?

I had been seeing a therapist for 2 years, who I really liked and connected with. We started doing EMDR and I would have such a strong dissociation response, and we pushed through it (she would just say, “go with that” and I would continue tapping). I realize that I began to feel worse as a result, so stopped going to therapy. I’ve been trying to find someone else ever since, but I can’t seem to find anyone I connect with, and now I’m also not sure if EMDR is for me (which is her primary modality of working with trauma). I could email her, to try again and see if we can get to the root cause of my dissociation before starting EMDR again?

I don’t want to do CPT - I have two young children and another on the way, and just don’t have time for the homework. I’ve talked to therapists who do DBR, but not quite sure that approach is for me either. I’m feeling so lost re: finding the right approach for me (eg is EMDR out of the question bc of my dissociation?), and also a therapist I connect with.

Any suggestions or advice? I have PTSD (with OCD that started when the PTSD started) on a background of attachment trauma.

I saw this post on instagram today, and it really resonated:

I didn't realize how much I was waiting to hear this until my therapist said:
"Some parents may never acknowledge the pain they caused.
They may rewrite the story, minimize your hurt, or act as if nothing happened.
Not because your pain wasn't real-but because facing it would require them to face themselves.
And part of healing is grieving not only what happened to you...
but also the love, protection, and childhood you should have received but didn't."