u/Sweet-Outcome8304

I’m under the care of midwives for my pregnancy, and I’m curious what others think of the frequency of visits. I’m 30 + 4 right now, and have been seen at 12, 20, 27 and 30 weeks. I was told the next time I’ll be seen is 34 weeks, and during that conversation I got the sense that the next time after that would be 38 weeks. I was followed by FM-OB for my previous pregnancies who saw me according to what I believe is a typical prenatal schedule (every 4 weeks between 12-28 weeks, then every 2 weeks until 36 weeks, and every week until delivery). I’m in Canada, if that helps for context.

The main reason I chose to go with the midwives this time around is two fold: 1) last time I had a precipitous labour that ended up in an accidental home birth, and I’m worried about that happening again. With midwives at least they can come to me if I get in that situation again 2) the only real option where I live is a midwifery team or OB. My family physician does deliveries, but I got the sense from her that it is not very frequent, or at least varies a lot. I like knowing that I’ve met who will deliver my baby at least once, which I know I would get with a FM-OB or midwifery team. Around here anyway, if you are taken care of OB, the person delivering is just going to be whoever the OB on call is that night.

Should I just ask the midwives to be seen more frequently? Is this a yellow/red flag (ie should I see if I have other prenatal/birth options open to me/can transfer my care)? Or am I making too big of a deal about this?

Thanks for any advice - the infrequency of visits makes me a bit nervous, especially because I am a bit older (38, 39 in two months) and have a history of birth trauma… just want to make sure myself and baby are well cared for. ❤️

With all the Mother’s Day sales going on, and with my due date being 10 weeks away, I want to buy a PP strength/core rehab program to take advantage of the sales. I was looking at Mae Hughes PP program, but I haven’t enjoyed her pregnancy program (I don’t like the way the workouts are structured, and the moves she includes are more like physio add ons than a true strength workout for me), so that’s probably not a good fit. For those who have used a program in the past, any you would recommend?

I had been seeing a therapist for 2 years, who I really liked and connected with. We started doing EMDR and I would have such a strong dissociation response, and we pushed through it (she would just say, “go with that” and I would continue tapping). I realize that I began to feel worse as a result, so stopped going to therapy. I’ve been trying to find someone else ever since, but I can’t seem to find anyone I connect with, and now I’m also not sure if EMDR is for me (which is her primary modality of working with trauma). I could email her, to try again and see if we can get to the root cause of my dissociation before starting EMDR again?

I don’t want to do CPT - I have two young children and another on the way, and just don’t have time for the homework. I’ve talked to therapists who do DBR, but not quite sure that approach is for me either. I’m feeling so lost re: finding the right approach for me (eg is EMDR out of the question bc of my dissociation?), and also a therapist I connect with.

Any suggestions or advice? I have PTSD (with OCD that started when the PTSD started) on a background of attachment trauma.

I saw this post on instagram today, and it really resonated:

I didn't realize how much I was waiting to hear this until my therapist said:
"Some parents may never acknowledge the pain they caused.
They may rewrite the story, minimize your hurt, or act as if nothing happened.
Not because your pain wasn't real-but because facing it would require them to face themselves.
And part of healing is grieving not only what happened to you...
but also the love, protection, and childhood you should have received but didn't."

I’m 38 years old, have my own family now, and I’m still trying to get what my parents could never give me. I always think it will be different, or maybe this will be the time I get more emotional connection, but it never is and I just get so let down.

I have tried so hard to just accept them for who they are, and what they can give, but I guess it’s a little like grief - grief for a relationship that I’ll never have. I think it’s particularly hard because my brother is closer - they talk on the phone, they know about his life. They’ve never been able to form that kind of relationship with me. I think they have always been scared of my sensitivity. And I’ve been labelled “too sensitive,” “too particular,” and “difficult.”

How do you just move on and stop trying so hard to get something your parents will never be able to give you?

I failed my glucose screen, and am feeling super sad and anxious. This is my third pregnancy and with my first two I passed (just barely, though). I’m so worried about having gestational diabetes, and have gone down a bad rabbit hole of needing insulin, and going on to develop type II diabetes. I also have a past history of an ED, so this is just going to be an awful mental struggle if I do have gestational diabetes. Any advice, words of support? I’m already super active, and think I eat healthy most of the time.