u/TIBTHINK

I want to start this by apologizing for my last post on here. I admit I wasnt doing well because I was in denial of grieving. Actually posting it and reading the comments and then talking to my aunt who watched my grandfather die the same as my dad finally for the first time i didnt feel alone and I felt like I could ask these questions with understanding of the behavior from someone who seen it twice.

My dad is not doing well, he has been going into catatonic states almost every day and his anger is alot more frequent. It does hurt when he says that this is hell and we are his demons. And i feel that im wrong of how to make him happy regardless if I try or i dont

But I think its getting close to him finding peace, he told me 3 weeks ago that either one of his eyes went midnight black and then back to normal. I know that it means blood flow was blocked and I believe it means a blockage is moving or is getting formed to the point of blocking blood.

I feel selfish sometimes for being existential and mourning somone who isnt dead yet. But he died last year, we are just waiting for the body now.

Im not sure if this is the right place or appropriate for this subreddit but I wrote some things about seeing my dad in this state, and im hoping for anyone who has survived a stroke or is caring for a loved one who is also at this point it brings some comfort and assurance that you too are not alone here as I felt I was. Thank you

"You stand still and i think your will has tried another attempt of repairs. But your broken mind has no spairs to replace the cogs that once were there. Youve tried glue and tape but you can not find the escape. Sudo shutdown now, ill always be around."

"Home is only 7 minutes away but you are only a hour and a half

I dont know where i am, but i recognize this path. I wonder if anyone is around and about, or is it just me that has turned out? When will i obtain the thoughts of this needless strife

Feeling the rain like the needles of life on my skin giving it breath again

One day i hope to share this feeling with my kin and see them exhale the blythe

I came home and found him eating dinner with the fact of misery dressed on his skin

I am sorry i left for my own selfish peace of mind in a suit for the respect of your dying breath"

"I marked the passing of my father. I watched as my family was torn apart by grief. I walked this earth remembering a dead man who still has a heart beat."

I am sleeping again.

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But not naturally, I am now on ambien, and gabapentin twice a day. I am actually sleeping and not a stupid amount, like 8 hours at most. Its so weird being awake at normal hours again and not thinking to myself "well fuck, i have only 6 hours until I need to go to bed".

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While yes I am sleeping alot better now and able to do things with my friends without guessing anymore. I do wonder if CBT is something I should look into, I don't want to be on a pill so I can sleep like everyone else can normally

Hi, I apologize but this isnt talking about the Akkadian language but i need help finding a word similar or is the word for silence in glyphs.

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I am writting a story that has a entity that uses the word silence in his passage. I have chose Akkadian because its already in unicode and in my honest opinion looks rad as hell.

It started quietly. We were having dinner, and I was telling him about a idea i had for a new project i had in a dream. I was going on with a monolog and didnt notice that he had fallen silent. I only noticed when he looked as if he had fallen asleep sitting up, i called his name and shook him for him to struggle to look at me and i saw the terror in my own eyes. I called for help and stayed calm knowing if i wasnt then he would die. The paramedics tried to save a dead consciousness but there was nothing that could be done. He left without saying a word and left me with the weight of horror of one question; "why".

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Today i saw him for the last time in a box made out of pine wood. The service was beautiful, hearing his friends and family say such kind words, telling stories i never knew and sharing the good and bad. But at the end i couldn't stop asking myself "where is he now". I miss him so much and it killed me when they lowered him down to a standard hole with the dirt we all walked on. I wont forget what he looked like even when i know that it would be easier to delete him from my mind.

i was on olanzapine for about 5 years, and it worked well, but I got off it for the physical issues it was causing. I've been off of it for 83 days, and I feel actually good for once, like myself.

But I am running into an issue: my anxiety and stress are finally causing physical symptoms. i feel pressure in my forehead around the top of my head and feel lightheaded but also heavy. That's fine, I know it's because I've been clenching my teeth a lot. What is kinda making me worry is that my left arm feels like it's burning and goes numb and feels like its made out of lead, which causes more anxiety and worsens it. I now have to physically remove myself from the situation when its getting to the point that I know it won't stop on its own and just keep ramping up.

My heart is fine, blood pressure isn't great, but it's still fine.

But things that didn't cause anxiety before are now causing it. And I'm not sure why, really.

i noticed that it normally happens when im on my way home or with my dad who is going to die at any moment. i am trying really hard to spend time with him but i physically cant because of what i stated above. we were watching black books about an hour ago and i had to remove myself because of the muscle strain. i know how to calm myself down and relax, but i can no longer stop it before it starts.

How do I prevent this without medications? Since being off, I can finally use my full brain and experience life and identify what im feeling internally

I want to study and be a professor for religion.

And all of them, from Abrahamic to Buddhist to honestly any that I can learn. From Mesopotamia to now. I wanna know it and understand it

What would the actual materials look like? Would i have to learn the languages for each religion? Im down for that because I've always wanted to learn Latin and Hebrew. How long would each subject be? Would it be 1 class for Buddhists and another for Islamic? Will i learn psychology and philosophy as well?

Let me know what you all have done to learn it

Im writing a story where the main character destroys the fabric of the universe as well as killing the god who created the universe indirectly.

Ive looked at words for universe destruction like omnicide or cosmocide (at least somthing like that) but I dont think there is a word for absolute destruction. Yes annihilation would technically work but I am trying to avoid it 1. Because its been over used, 2. Its typically about one object instead of everything, 3. Like how murder is a synonym for homicide.

Thats what im looking for, a word that doesnt have the end root word being -icide.

I want something that sounds like a real word and could be used as a description for what the character did instead of being a action. Like how homicide is the action but murder is the label

WARNING: this a morbid, heartbreaking, ethical, suicide related, and honestly just depressing and know I am sorry for asking this but I need to know

My dad has stopped reciving treatment near the end of April. He has a blockage in his neck artery of about 75% at least. His blood pressure is unbelievably high with his avg before stroke being 220/160 in 2025, even with many medications for blood pressure it was still stage 1 hypertension.

4 weeks after stopping medication he had a back to back seizures again, the first time being 4 months ago from this event.

On many many occasions he has implied or straight out said he doesnt want to be alive anymore. He is miserable to the point that I dont think misery is even the right word.

He told us if he is ever having a seizure and or stroke to do nothing and just make him comfortable. My mom had a stipulation that if he bit his tounge to the point of bleeding that hes going to the hospital. But me and him and my brothers do not have that agreement and we are not going too.

I know it sounds like we are letting him die and will just observe him leaving this world unheartedly and wanting him to die. Its not, we all know and agree that he is never going to get better, he is almost basically blind and his cognitive is so obliterated that he cant talk past basic concepts and remember most things like facts and anything.

This knowledge of him dying soon and at any moment is quite possibly the hardest and worst thing I've ever had to witness and wait for. Because as I see it, he is committing suicide, at the end of the day that is what it is. It is not accepting his fate. Because he is fully aware of what he is doing and is hoping it happens.

I do love my dad and I will miss him dearly when he is gone. I just hope when he dies its quick, painless, peaceful and no fear.

So this is my question: if you dont do anything when having a seizure or stroke. How high are the chances of death and what happens when you die. Because honestly the biggest worry is complete brain death. Its known that when you die your brain is still active for a while after the heart stops. Does that still happen even when having a lethal stroke?

Again I am sorry for asking this because of the subject matter but I feel alone in this and just want to know he dies peacefully. Because there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop this, I wont do anything to speed this up either even tho I've considered it (not seriously). Because my dad has asked me to kill him, in anger but thats honestly what most of his reaction are. It is so rewarding to see him smile and laugh, its the one thing I missed since the stroke

I dont mean like worrying excessively. But more like ideas and questions pop up randomly.

For example, I keep searching up how psychotropic drugs work on like a fundamental level. And after that, ill attempt to go to sleep and then ill think of something else and go back to researching. Its like my brain doesnt know when "learning time" is over and relaxation time needs to start.

Does anyone else have this issue? Because jesus christ is it fucking annoying

I am on 300mg of gabapentin for sleep and while not perfect it works.

The problem is am having is i am on my last pill and cant get it refilled until the 9th. I know whats going to happen without it and trying to figure out what I can do that doesnt break the law and is available to me

I am considering taking either alchol, 2 benadryl, mugwort and blue lotus.

Of course not all of them at once, that would be insane. But what would be the most effective for short term, I only need it to last roughly 5 days until I can get a refill.

I am aware that this might cause more problems down the line but Im not doing 36 hours up and then crashing again. That shit sucks ass