I don't know how to handle my husband with our ADHD daughter
I don't know what else to do. My husband cannot control his anger. He gets irritated, frustrated, mad and that's it. There is no going back. His mood can last an hour or it can last days. And in these fits of anger he gets mean!
We have 2 daughters 14 & 11(ADHD). He has called them assholes, pieces of shit, brats, bitches. And there are times when our youngest with ADHD has an outburst and he spanks her...like a really hard smack across the bottom.
He just did it again tonight. I was in the shower and I get out and I hear a scream... everything was completely FINE when I got in. 10 min later and it's absolute chaos. The 11 year old is hyperventilating, the 14 year old is crying, screaming because her sister was hit. Husband is yelling that she deserved it and they're both spoiled assholes. I'm trying to deescalate but he then turns into "well, I guess I'm just the horrible parent"
I don't understand why it's so hard to NOT hit them! And everytime I call it hitting, he says "it was a spank". No, it's hitting.
And then after he's got everyone in tears and struggling to regulate, he just goes to bed. THAT'S when he finally walks away.
Tonight I told him that's it's a really sick thing to be able to cause this much angst and emotion and just walk away and be able to just go to sleep. Like who can do all that, make your kids so upset that theyre telling you to your face that they can't stand the words you say to them, and you just say more harmful things and go to sleep!
I don't know what to do. It isn't always bad but when it's bad, it's BAD. And the girls are amazing and don't deserve this at all, but the alternative would be managing this through split custody and I can't imagine doing that!