I feel very guilty and disgusted of myself
I feel guilty. A girl asked me to show her my private parts on a video call, and I did it, but fortunately, the call glitched out before things could go any further. I immediately felt so guilty about what was about to happen. I’m just a teenager; I never would have ended up in this situation if I hadn't accidentally discovered pornography as a child (I was checking my Google history and clicked a link by mistake). For a long time, I’ve been trying to quit this disgusting habit I never wanted to get into. I feel incredibly guilty—more than usual—and even though I know God can forgive me, I feel terrible. I just want to do normal teenage things. Lately, I’ve wanted to pursue the goal that makes me feel close to God and what I believe is my purpose: becoming a writer and comic book artist. I also want to go to Japan—I was even learning Japanese. I feel so awful. That’s what I should be doing. I used to be ashamed of my goal until I felt that God was proud of me and was the only one supporting me (that’s how I felt when reading His word, since others mocked my ambitions). I feel like I’ve ruined that closeness I had with God. I just want to keep acting like what I am—a teenager, not a monster. I want to be with God, but I’ve pushed Him away. I’m glad and grateful there was a glitch, but the guilt remains. I know I just need to repent, but how many times have I done that already? I feel like I won't be able to stop sinning; I don't want to keep sinning, yet I keep falling. I’m afraid, and I don’t want to let God down again.