u/Tears_Of_Laughter

I've posted about this a couple times in the daily threads, but wanted to make my own thread for any advice or support anyone could offer. I've been seeing someone since early September- four in person dates, and the last one at his place. I thought we both felt things were going great- we both have a lot in common, both looking for a serious relationship, great conversation, emotional and physical chemistry. We're both words of affirmation and physical touch people, so we were both very verbal about being excited about each other.

I got really comfortable with him by the fourth date. I had mentioned on the third one that I'd had some not so great experiences and that while they didn't scare me away from dating, of course it could still be scary along with exciting. He was super validating and said it's always scary to be getting to know someone new and to be excited- and that was the perfect response imo, just some acknowledgement that it felt exciting and a bit scary all at once.

I will say it felt like he was the one making it feel relationship-y from the get go. Calling me pet names like baby, saying he missed me when he travelled for a week, etc. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to let some of my guard down and match his energy, it felt like I genuinely wanted to and was comfortable. Our fourth date especially was such a great night for me. We caught up at a coffee shop, walked around, then back to his place where he cooked me dinner, we talked a ton, and we were intimate. He said some crap about how it feels exciting and calm/like home with me everytime, and I feel stupid for saying I felt the same way.

Why stupid? Because I think he's slow fading me. It's never happened to me after this type of connection or this many meetings, and I don't really know how to feel. I'm wracking my brain trying to see if I missed any red flags, or if I scared him off by opening up about some of my anxiety/trauma- wasn't a full trauma dump, but he said something about how we can be a team and he wants to know when I feel that way so that we can tackle it together. Exactly what I'd want a partner to say.

He was still sweet through text when I got home that night, and again the next day. But then this whole week he's been different. Texting way less, and more coldly. First he said he was overwhelmed with work and personal things- which to be fair also seems to be true. Then he said he was physically sick and couldn't make our Wednesday date. Today- we haven't talked at all. He hasn't been chatty, hasn't been calling me the pet names he usually does...

It's fine if he changed his mind about me. I don't know if I could even find out why- I don't believe I did anything to warrant it. But it's a crappy way to treat someone and I do want some kind of conversation. How would any of you go about? It's wild to me that on Saturday he was holding me in his harms and petting my hair and kissing my forehead and all that other stuff- who does that to someone and then decides to fade away? I'm lost.

I see that there is one this Wednesday, I would have to show up by myself. Just looking for thoughts and experiences from anyone who has tried them? I’m getting sick of the apps and trying to branch out my ways of meeting people, but I’d love to hear from people in the city that have ever gone to these. Or if you are down to go to this one on Wednesday lol, I don’t want to seem like a promoter but I have no idea if it will just be me and 5 other people or how well attended these events are.

I have no one to talk about this with. But there's a hot barista at the coffee shop in my work building. I've always known he was married with a kid, so just figured he's off limits and enjoyed our interactions for what they are. All my coworkers find him hot and would tease me that he likes me, just the way he smiles at me and seems extra sweet to me in our interactions. It was always wholesome though- like when no one's around, once in awhile giving me a free treat, or saying I look pretty that day. Nothing crazy to read into.

Recently though, we exchanged numbers. And normal sweet conversations became flirty and somewhat explicit, when I was drunk at a party and we were texting back and forth through the night. On one hand, I'd love to have some fun with him- I've found him sweet and attractive for years, and I'm single at the moment. I've just never done anything no strings attached. What does that even mean? He did say he just wants to have fun, no strings attached. Totally get that- I am on the dating scene looking for something serious and wouldn't want that with him. But are zero feelings really involved? It feels like we're friends, he always tells me I'm sweet, and he did reach out to me when his mom was sick and he needed someone to chat with, so we're capable of emotional intimacy too.

I guess I don't know how to navigate this. I'm an affectionate person. I don't need us to fall in love or become something- it has an expiration date. But I don't want to be just a body to him. How do you even ask that? I don't expect a relationship- he is staying with his wife, and I don't want some serious secret relationship with him. But I want something with SOME emotional depth too.

I'll go first! I have a couple. I love all the satin and lace lingerie inspired pieces. My favorite recent purchase is a pair of baby blue silk shorts with cream lace. I love balancing it with an oversized tee and combat boots. I also love long baggy cargo shorts. I recently got roasted on reddit for asking about them, but I'm so excited to pair mine with tube tops and baby tees.

As for something I can't get into? Capris. Especially gauchos or those cargo ones with ties at the hem. I haven't seen them styled in a way that I love, and I remember them being popular when I was young!

Would love to hear about playful trends or "new to you" ideas you've been working into your wardrobe and loving or hating.