u/That-Imagination4092

It's a little long.. Here’s a little background before I get to the story.

I’m a woman in my 40s. I have three half-brothers in their 30s and another half-brother who is still a teenager. We all share the same father. Out of all of us, I saw the worst of him. I have more horror stories than I can count. I removed him from my life as soon as I was old enough to do so.

Almost five years ago, I got a phone call telling me my father had been involved in an accident and was being charged with DUI manslaughter after killing a woman. I wish I could say I was shocked, but I wasn’t. The call wasn’t really about him, though. It was about my youngest brother.
My ex-stepmother called and asked me to take him.

I didn’t have a relationship with this brother. In fact, when he was born, I testified in court in an attempt to keep my father from getting custody of him. It didn’t work. Even with his criminal history, my father was awarded custody.

Needless to say, I’ve always been the villain in my father’s eyes. The feeling is mutual. Even though my other brothers were in way better financial positions, I stepped up and took custody of my youngest brother. I didn’t want him ending up in the system or becoming someone else’s responsibility.

It wasn’t easy. Bringing a stranger into your home never is. There have been challenges that I won’t get into, but overall he’s a good kid.

What made it harder was my father. Even from prison, he took me to court and tried to have custody removed from me so my brother would be placed in foster care instead.

This week, my brother ended up in the hospital.
My father called him. Instead of asking if he was okay, he told him that when he gets out of prison, he’s coming to kill my family because I “took everything from him.” By family, he meant me, my mother, and my son.

I know this man. He was my monster long before he became anyone else’s problem. I know what he’s capable of, and hearing that threat didn’t surprise me in the slightest. My brother was upset. I did my best to calm him down and reassure him that everything would be okay.

The truth is, though, I’m exhausted. I’ve spent years trying to do the right thing. I’ve tried to build a good life. I’ve tried to help people and give back where I can.

But after that phone call, I found myself thinking something that makes me feel like a terrible person. Sometimes I regret the choice I made. Not because I don’t love my brother. Not because I wish I had abandoned him. But because I put my family in the crosshairs of a man I know all too well.

I worry about my mother. I worry about my son. I worry about what happens when my father eventually gets out.
And if I’m being completely honest, there are moments when I find myself wishing he would never make it out of prison.

I know that’s ugly. I know it’s not a good thing to think.
But I’m tired. I just needed to get this off my chest.