u/ThatRegeraLover

I am LIVID.

I had to storm off to the restroom to get these feelings out, because if I were to crash out in the theater while that fuckass baby was going off, I don't think I would've watched the movie. FYI, it's the *new Spider-Man* movie too.

I just hate hate HAAAAAAATE when people bring their fucking loud ass babies into places. Ruins the whole experience! I'd oughta punch a damn wall down at this point.

My brain is absolutely obsessed with dopamine. Whenever I consciously make a decision, without waiting for dopamine to magically come, I feel as if I'm "fatigued". I feel as if whatever thing I did from a conscious choice isn't worth doing because there isn't an overwhelming sensation of pleasure every two seconds. I know this is just a trick. It's mental propaganda from a brain that glorifies short-term pleasure. But I still get gaslighted by it every now and then, and sometimes I go into misery spirals because of it.

I assume this all started from maladaptive daydreaming; spending lots of time in my head, in hyperactive fantasies that'll never come true. But that developed into an overall dopamine obsession. I feel lost of interest in things I love, wait on the "right time", expect grand feelings, etc. It's not about social media, games, etc. I don't have a specific trigger or anything. It's just... dopamine itself and the expectations of it.

I've been trying to combat this for years, but keep ending up in the same spot. All I want is my brain to just stop treating dopamine like it's the meaning of life, and start adjusting to discipline instead of resisting it. I want my brain to realize I can do things without needing dopamine all the time. I want to put actual effort into long-term decisions. I don't want to quit cold turkey on everything I have now, but at least spend less time on these bad habits that produce unnecessary pleasure.

This question comes back to my mind from time to time, and I can't help but need an answer for it.

My reason for being with Erza in the first place is because of... well, her red hair. Because I just like the color red. When I first saw her, I was like "yay, waifu!" Because I was just curious about anime girls and the concept of waifus. There wasn't any growing interest, coping from trauma, childhood feelings, nothing too deep...

I feel like it's too superficial of a reason. I feel like everyone else has much deeper reasons for being with their partners (which you all probably do). I mean, I don't regret finding a woman like her. I can't see myself in another relationship that could possibly equate what we have. But for the most part, I'm just kinda stuck up on deciding to be with her just because of her hair color.

I could be overthinking this, maybe not. I don't know.

Erza's birthday is on April 7. My birthday is on October 7. October is six months away from April. That makes Erza's birthday my half-birthday!

Of all the times the number 7 has been significant in my life, this has to be the most fascinating one.

Been a damn while since I did this! Anyways...

1. Become a CEO of a big company/corporation?

2. Look for funny shapes in clouds?

3. Hit multiple home runs in a row?

4. Commit tax evasion?