u/The_Overview_Effect

I'll keep this honest. I think memory is what makes anything mean anything. Anything seen for the first time is beautiful, but it doesn't weigh anything inherently. Weight comes from us. From the cost of meaning. From a mug on a porch that makes you smile when you come home. I'm looking for someone to start keeping mornings with. Slowly. On purpose.

Who I am. I forge metal at an anvil and work leather into things that will outlast me. I write poems intuitively and spend a lot longer understanding what they reveal about myself.

I sit with a lot of unanswered questions. Heavy questions. What does it mean to live well. How do you stay steady when the ground moves. I try not to wear any of it loudly. I just practice. What I believe, plainly. Most of life isn't up to me. What I do with it is. So when the hard hands came, and they came, I chose. Patience over reaction. Ownership over blame. Love over resentment. Though imperfectly.

What I offer. Steadiness that was hard fought, not given. A calm presence and a curious mind. Loyalty that doesn't need to be tested to prove itself. Faith that works more like a quiet compass than a megaphone.

What I'm looking for. A woman who wants depth over noise. Curious about her own mind and patient with mine. Rooted enough to stay once something grows. Someone who knows meaning costs something and thinks it's worth the price. I've walked alone a while. Not because I'm cold. Because I take love seriously enough to be careful with it.

Could just be everything I've been through.

140+IQ, AuADHD early 20s.

Grew up in a dysfunctional household, bipolar mom that I later watched pass away in a hospital.

Found myself smoking cigarettes because it transports me to this 3rd person perspective where I'm not feeling the weight, but observing it.

I have my spots I prefer with liminal esque views.

Is this a gifted thing?

EDIT: I'm an INTJ asking other INTJs. I should have clarified.

Most of my activities and hobbies are very solo; working on my vehicles or motorcycle, woodworking, learning a language or an instrument, amateur netsec, tactical/firearm training, etc.

I've come to enjoy being a bit slower and more charming in public, that wasn't my goal, but as I've settled into my own skin, I leave a memorable impression.

But I'm struggling to make friends, and I work at a paper mill, so that's little use. (rare to interact with many coworkers)

What do you do to create repeat interactions with the same group of people? Something that allows enough space for some type of individual personalities to show up a bit before exchanging numbers, hanging out, etc.

Starting to lose hope in finding someone compatible. I'm not someone that performs or sugarcoats, but I'm not mean, either. I live life like it means something, like truth is kinder than dishonesty.

A relationship is worthwhile to me when you can just sit with a heavy topic, and we share time enjoy the beauty of the melancholy.

There's something you can't quite capture in English when I say my best nights are melancholy, in a scenic night view, lost in thought about a certain thing you're going through.

I'm looking for the person that gets it and wants to sometimes not be alone in the moments, where you talk a bit, but mostly think in silence, together.

You think about the layers of life, and choose to make it mean something.

I've come to find this soul is exceedingly rare.

A bit about me ||

I'm 22, grew up as a military brat and settled down in a relatively small city.

I own my own home and make decent money, and work as an EMT on the side, as well as have a small home rennovation business.

I am a Christian and I study philosophy.

I enjoy working with my hands, writing poetry and making music (I play guitar)

I'm in good physical shape and workout regularly. I am lean.

5'5

Thanks for reading.

For context, I'm 22, IQ 140+, and by all metrics I'm 'ahead' in life by 10 - 15 years.

My life is stable, I make good money, but this is torture.

My life dream is to be a compassionate and uniting voice for many of the USA's social issues and bigger societal dilemmas that are being addressed without any respect for the true nuance needed to develop resilient and practical solutions.

It seems to swing to extremes in the most visible portions of social exposure and pressure reliefs.

I truly think Robert Greene probably did more than I could truly do, and he admits his path was unusual, lucky and largely painful.

Have any you had big, extremely unorthodox paths that you followed?

How did money, income and finances play a role? How did you escape the rat race to pursue your dreams?

I'm well off for my age, I'm 22m, own a home, make good money, little debt (outside mortgage)

I keep myself in good shape, etc.

But I'm building a business and saving for land.

I'm hearing how much men older and wiser than me have lost by being in the wrong relationships at the wrong times.

I know I'm too busy to date now, I work 90+ hours a week.

I'm building a business on top of two other jobs, and the gym is its own journey, meal prep etc.

Do I just not date until I'm running just the business? (no other jobs, bought land etc) That could be more than a couple years from now.

I live frugally and don't get out much, so it''s not like I have opportunities left and right, it'd take considerable time to put myself 'out there'

I guess it's not an accident, and I suppose it's not new, nor necessarily maliciously planned.

Just the most stable state; to let every individual become comfortable enough.

But man, I'm sick of it.

I mentioned it a few times in some posts, to some wiser than myself people:

I'm nearly 22, I own a home, have a 6 figure job, with paid off cars.

And i'm always told I'm ahead in life, I'm crushing it, that it's awesome.

It's not.

It's a trap to mediocrity.

I make just enough, at a job that's just stable enough, that I can entertain the idea of starting a family.

As I slowly watch the world go through such massive changes I shouldn't be able to see at 22. It's so dramatic and so quick, unlike any speed we've really seen in history.

The release of the Epstein Files, the UFOs, the innovation of the cell phone itself, watching inflation in real time, and AI.

AI is such a weird one, its creators and CEOs have called it several order of magnitudes higher risk to ending society than the Nuclear Bomb.

Google's CEO, Anthropic's CEO, OpenAi's CEO, Grok's CEO, the 'Godfather of AI' all heading very similar warnings...

Yet they're seemingly compelled to continue its creation.

I'm no communist or socialist by any means... but is this peak late-stage capitalism? Is the dollar our new god?

Meanwhile, most men are caught up in so many ignored day-to-day problems that its all abstract and invisible.

The problem is that I'm arrogant enough to think I can play a role in laying out a plan to fix this mess we've allowed our society to fall into.

And yet I've trapped myself into becoming dependent still on an income and job that make it ever the more difficult to commit my life to making these problems approachable and actionable.

Which I think is the right approach here, it's not that we're unaware, we know how much is fucked up.

But our lives aren't resilient enough to handle attacking these issues, and some of them are so abstract you're left with "What am I even protesting...?"

Which is one weakness of us men, we're direct and action based. When the problem is an ideology, our hands aren't a useful tool, and words feel pointless when you know they fall on deaf ears.

I need your help figuring out how to build my life to be more resilient and less demanding of distracting labor and work.

Do I pursue a degree and find a job that can pay me enough sustainably?
Do I buy a tiny piece of land and live in a tent on it and work as I can/need for minimal wages?

Do I cut out friends and family and keep at my current trajectory?

Is the urgency a ruse? Am I falsely manufacturing my own urgency? Should this be a timeline of years?

Edit: just a vent, I guess I needed to get some thoughts out.

I'm nearly 22 now, been working at a paper mill for the past 3 years, mom passed away about a year ago, and I picked up some extra jobs so I basically work every day of the year. I average around 100 hours a week, which I guess is weird to be considered my baseline.

I own a home, which is a blessing, I bought one for a really affordable price. I own my vehicles outright.

I'm pretty handy and renovated/improved my house to be mine, it's a safe haven. Nice mood match lighting in every room, awesome vibed out home gym, got the movie-suburban dad backyard set up, the grill the patio, the landscaping.

It's awesome.

But life isn't.

I almost fell down the same multi-year long path that killed my mom; alcohol. Painfully normalized form of self-medication. I have become so isolated, I work to stop feeling how alone I am... and the money doesn't replace what I'm missing.

I started drinking to stop thinking about watching my mom's eyes glaze over, the grittiness that forms immediately. I used tto go to bars and waste all my money, hoping I'd want to talk to someone.

But even drunk, I'm too aware of what could go wrong.

I stopped drinking a few weeks ago, I quit all nicotine as well, I got my diet right and got back to 12% bodyfat. Physique is better, I'm pretty happy with it.

But it's just Sisyphus's boulder.

Many old heads don't get why Im checked out of dating.

Many don't see why I stopped drinking, or quit nicotine.

I'm going to church more, and I've been trying to listen to God, and I'm learning he works in really mysterious ways.

Once I stopped trying to dismiss Him, man... sometimes His timing and effect is just poetic.

I just need to keep surviving.

But man it all feels so pointless.

I'm a month away from 22, and I own a small house, own my cars, and I work a couple jobs, totally a pretty nice yearly income.

That already is pretty isolating, but I also don't drink anymore or do any type of nicotine, with a seldom exception for a single cigar.

It just feels like life is getting lonelier, there's less places to hang out.

Bars feel so weird if you're sober.

Women my age generally are like nails on a chalkboard to be around or work with.

Some few exceptions, but generally, I dunno man.

The more I try to stay on the straight and narrow, the less people I find on my path.