The urge to restart your life almost every day
It’s the end of the month and I am planning to restart my life again tomorrow (July 1st; my excuse is that it’s the first day of the month and the first day of the second half of the year). If I told you that I’ve been restarting my life from the age of 6 (I’m currently 30) would you believe me? And when I say restarting it I mean every day or every 2 days or at the start of a new week or a new month or if i had 30 or 60 or 90 days til my birthday. I find every excuse to restart my life hoping that I’ll do everything perfectly (it almost never lasts for more than 5 days!), whenever i sense the slightest mistake or failure or imperfection I decide to stop everything and start planning again.
When I say i stop everything and restart I mean I restart everything from my skin care to my personal relationships to my studying. I have an exam and I’ve been repeating chapter one for almost a month now, risking the possibility of never finishing what I have to study. I sometimes cancel everything when someone else bother me or treat me badly, cause I want my surrounding to be all perfect.
It has been a long time but today I just felt exhausted, I’m sick of waiting for 12:00 am on the first day of the month to start doing what I actually want to do. I’m sick of setting all those goals and never wait to see any progress cause I’m always resetting. I’m sick of pretending that the person who I was yesterday is not who I am today and I just can’t stop all these thoughts.
Is there any terminology for what I have? Am I the only one who is like this? Is there any possible solution for my behaviors?