u/Thinking_learning

This is probably a little silly, but I wanted to vent somewhere where people might actually understand these complicated feelings.

I’m currently prepping for my first fully medicated FET and am still in the estrogen-only phase. My sister-in-law, who is five years younger than me, recently shared that she stopped birth control and that they’re just going to “see what happens” for a couple of months before seriously tracking.

Hearing that made me realize how much I miss that version of TTC. When trying for a baby felt exciting and optimistic instead of something I associate with disappointment, endless appointments, medications, and constantly bracing for bad news.

The complicated part is that I genuinely hope she gets pregnant quickly, and I have this almost irrational certainty that she will get pregnant immediately. And when she does, it’s going to hurt in a way that has nothing to do with my love for her.

I also find myself surprisingly triggered by the early “optimization” stage. We recently had Chick-fil-A for a family member’s birthday, and she declined to eat it, choosing her own healthier food because she’s preparing her body for pregnancy. Good for her, obviously! But there I was, eating Chick-fil-A, still childless.

I did all of that, too. I optimized everything, gave up caffeine, took every supplement, tried Mucinex and inositol, tracked, timed, and stressed over every lifestyle choice. Eventually, after enough failed cycles, I had to accept that I still needed to live my life. You can only treat every cup of coffee or order of fries like a high-stakes decision for so long before it becomes exhausting.

Infertility has taught me, in an extremely expensive and painful way, how little control we actually have. Plenty of people get pregnant eating fast food, drinking coffee, and not tracking at all. Taking care of yourself is great, but there’s a massive difference between supporting your health and actually controlling conception. Yet when someone does everything "right" and gets pregnant immediately, it’s easy to look back and think that they got pregnant that fast since they did everything right. I think that’s what makes watching someone at the beginning so hard: there’s still that naive belief that if you just follow the rules, pregnancy will follow. I remember believing that, too.

It probably doesn’t help that she hasn't asked about our IVF journey or what we’ve been through, even while I’m over here being supportive about her post-birth-control adjustment. I gave her my unopened Inito strips and try to offer helpful advice where I can (though a small part of me worries she wouldn't even want advice from the person who didn't succeed). I don’t expect her life to revolve around my journey, but the imbalance stings.

Anyway, I’m not saying any of this to her, and I would never want to make her TTC experience about me. I think I’m just grieving the version of myself who used to think getting pregnant was simple, while watching someone I love enter that stage with all of that hope still intact.

I figured if anyone might understand how you can want someone you love to get pregnant easily, while also feeling hurt by the possibility that she’ll get the exact outcome you spent months desperately trying to earn through all the same “optimization,” it would be this group.

I'm 33 and my husband is 32, we have unexplained infertility.

We had 17 mature eggs, 12 fertilized with conventional IVF and then just found out today that we have 5 blastocysts that were frozen and sent for PGT-A testing. I was surprised that that's all the information that my clinic supplied me with about the blastocysts. I followed up asking the grading and what day blastocysts were, and she only came back to me that there were 2 day 5s and 3 days 6s. Is it strange that they are so limited with information? I had been so excited to fully delve into all the grading research to help pass the time before the PGT results.

I had been very optimistic and feeling great about this process until I received the blastocyst report, and I'm not sure why i feel like it's all never going to work any just miserable now. I had thought I would be fully prepared for the attrition rate, but 5 from 12 seems like such a big drop off. I guess one positive is we saved $1,000, cause greater than 5 is when the clinic charges for more biopsied lol.

Hello! I am on day 8 of stims, and my clinic is lowering my dose from 150 Menopur to 75 Menopur tonight (continuing Ganirelix in the mornings).

My leading follicles are currently measuring:

• 19mm, 18mm, 18mm
• 16mm, 15mm, 15mm
• 14mm, 13mm, 13mm

My doctor mentioned we will likely trigger tomorrow or the day after. My main worry is: Is the 19mm follicle going to get too big and overmature since we aren't triggering tonight?

Has anyone had a similar drop in Menopur right before trigger, and how did your lead follicles hold up? Thank you!

Hi everyone!

I just started Cycle Day 1 for my very first IVF cycle, and I am so excited! I go in for my baseline labs and ultrasound in two days. The nurse told me to make sure I have all my medications ready (which I do!), so I'm taking that as a good sign that I'll get the green light to start stims right after the baseline.

However, during a previous call, the nurse mentioned I might have to go on birth control first because the clinic closed for the 4th of July, meaning a massive wave of patients are all starting their cycles right now.

How likely is it that they will batch me onto birth control? My husband has to go out of town from July 28th to August 2nd. I would absolutely love to have the egg retrieval done and dusted before he leaves. If they put me on birth control to delay things, I'm worried it will push the retrieval right into that exact window.

I know you guys can't predict what my clinic will do, but has anyone had experience dealing with clinic holiday closures, batching, or similar scheduling conflicts? I'd love to hear how it turned out for you!

Hi there! My husband and I got pregnant last year (both 31 at the time). We both agreed that I should get an abortion. And I took a round of mifepristone and Misoprostol at almost 8 weeks. I didn’t bleed much and still felt very pregnant the next day, so I was worried the pregnancy didn’t pass. I found a gyno who would actually treat me, which took a surprisingly amount of calls because many refused post abortion care, and I live in a liberal state like NJ! The obgyn confirmed the pregnancy didn’t pass and it was actually mo-mo twins which is probably why one dose wasn’t enough. she prescribed me multiple rounds and it was successful. I went back to her for follow up and she confirmed everything looked good and no retained tissue.

This experience was really traumatizing and I wasnt prepared to feel how I felt afterwards. I realized how much I wanted to be a mother and wanted to be pregnant. My husband agreed to try 3 months later. We foolishly thought it would be so easy since we had done it by accident before. We tried 9 months and then went to a fertility center. All tests were great, sperm analysis, my egg count, hormones, HSG test, all of it. So they diagnosed us with unexplained infertility and after a failed IUI we’re moving to IVF which I’m so nervous will still not work. It’s just crazy we’re doing all of this when we carelessly threw away a pregnancy last year. and I honestly would not regret the abortion if we could pregnant now, but I feel like I threw away my one chance of being a mother.

I say all of this to ask, is it possible that my now infertility was caused by the abortion?

Hello! I am set to start my first IVF cycle this July. I had wanted to do a fresh transfer, but while speaking to my fertility doctor she pushed PGT-A testing and freezing to maximize chances. I received the financial estimate last week, and the cost is so much more with PGT testing, I think we would have to do a fresh transfer/no PGT-A testing just for funding reasoning alone. We would need to take out a loan just do to PGT testing. I have a $20k infertility cap with my insurance, which would completely cover a fresh transfer IVF cycle.

I am 33 years old, my AMH is 2.13. My husband's sperm analysis was really good. We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We did one IUI that didnt end up working. From what I'm reading online, the stats are pretty much the same for PGT testing and fresh transfer for under 35? What would you all recommend?

Hi there,

My husband (32) and I (33) have officially scheduled our IVF consultation to start the process. Today is Cycle Day 1 after our first failed IUI, and I am just feeling really beaten down and crushed.

We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, and my RE had warned us that IUI doesn't have a high success rate for this diagnosis. Still, we had so much hope because everything looked perfect on paper: I did 5 mg of Letrozole, grew two mature follicles (18mm and 19mm), and triggered that night. My lining looked great at 11mm. At 7 DPO, my blood draw showed sky-high progesterone and estrogen, confirming strong ovulation. On top of that, my husband’s washed sperm count was 44 million.

Because everything lined up so beautifully, the negative hit extra hard. Our insurance has a lifetime limit of $20K for fertility treatments, so we’ve decided not to waste any more funds on low-percentage IUIs and are pivoting straight to IVF.

I don't even know exactly what questions to ask right now. I think I just need some perspective and hope. What's one advice you would give someone just starting the journey?

Hi everyone, 3 DPO after my first IUI here and looking for some grounded perspectives. Our stats for this cycle look great: 11mm trilaminar lining, two follicles (18mm and 19mm), a 44M post-wash count, and IUI at 35 hours post-trigger.

Because everything went so smoothly, I cant help but be so hopeful and I know I'm setting myself up to be completely crushed. We have unexplained infertility, so I'm trying to remind myself that the odds are still very low and really the main change here is just having two targets instead of one, because probably every cycle looks good and yet still doesn't work, right?

I’m 33 and my husband is 32, on our 10th total cycle. Odds are it won't work, right?

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice because I’ve really been struggling mentally through this journey. I’m 33 and my husband is 32, and we’ve just started our 10th cycle of TTC. It has completely consumed my thoughts, and I just can’t understand why it’s not working.

We went to a fertility clinic and completed all the testing. My husband’s sperm analysis came back normal, my HSG was normal, and I’ve confirmed ovulation every month. We also got pregnant accidentally last year with twins, which unfortunately ended in miscarriage, so we do know pregnancy is possible for us.

Our fertility doctor diagnosed us with unexplained infertility. She honestly didn’t seem very optimistic about IUI and seemed more in favor of going straight to IVF. She explained that with unexplained infertility, our chances of conceiving unassisted are now around 2% per cycle, and that IUI with letrozole may only increase that to about 4–5%.

Part of me wants to jump straight to IVF because the thought of going through month after month of hoping, waiting, and heartbreak only to potentially end up doing IVF anyway, feels overwhelming. But because of the cost, we’re planning to try IUI first.

I guess I’m looking for advice on two things:

1. Is there still genuine reason to feel hopeful about IUI in cases like ours, or are we just delaying the inevitable by not moving straight to IVF? I’m struggling to feel optimistic because I already did five unmonitored cycles on 5 mg letrozole without success.
2. How do you stop obsessing over TTC? I try to distract myself and focus on other things, but it rarely leaves my mind. I feel like I’ve spent the last year living in a waiting room instead of actually living my life. It’s also putting strain on our marriage because while my husband is sad too, he’s able to compartmentalize it in a way I can’t. His mindset is basically, “We’re doing everything we can, and that’s all we can do,” which is probably healthier — but I don’t know how to get there myself.

Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this or shares their experience. It’s been a very lonely process.