I desire marriage and kids so bad and yet I continue to get broken up with after years of being with people. I’ve paid thousands to therapists to figure out what’s wrong with me and if I’m a bad communicator or immature in some way..uncertain if somehow I’m too flawed or not enough for lasting love. Love feel so fragile and hard..yet on my end, I would weather any storm with someone
In the past I had success with hinge and would find a partner within 3-4months and date for years. Now I’m older so of course the pool is smaller but now I’ve been single for the longest stretch in my adult life.. 1.5yrs and have tried super hard to find connection (I’m 31 now).
I don’t get many matches and the dates I’ve gone on have been just sad. It’s giving me 0 hope…I have my distance out to the max, have a 10yr age range and will date any height. Any help would be great! I fear I’ve lost my chance at love
I like to have time to myself after a disagreement so I can come back with a clear, emotionally regulated head. I’d rather talk about solutions rather than dumping raw feelings on a partner.
My most recent ex said this was immature of me. I feel haunted by this. I’ve received mixed reviews from others..therapist applaud my ability to step back while others say it’s stonewalling and avoidant. If there was a relationship manual I’d follow it perfectly- I just can’t seem to do the exact right behavior to keep a partner
Seeking Advice
I broke up with my ex m 3 years ago. Five months ago I reached back out, we reconnected slowly, and started seeing each other to see if we'd changed and could try again. Things felt different and good-once he kissed me, I felt a real shift.
What happened
• a few weeks ago in, we were supposed to have a call to discuss future plans (we live in different states.
• Instead, he said he felt "boxed out and out of the loop" because I texted him about a call to talk logistics, and then just texted the logistics instead of calling.
• He also said I was "immature" for not telling him about a work trip until I was already there (he was actually the first person I told when I arrived) and for saying that I had a “meh" the day before without going into detail. He said it was a pattern (one that has not been brought to my attention)
• He sat with his discomfort for a week while I was on the trip. During that time, I was texting and calling like normal, totally unaware he was upset.
• Then he tried to break up with me out of the blue without giving me a chance to understand or respond. I was blindsided and started crying.
• After seeing how upset I was, he took it back.
The push-pull
• For the following week he apologized and said he'd "do anything" to make the relationship feel safe again. He assured me he knew he wanted me.
• during the week he was reassuring me I was scared and I took two days to process and figure out what to say (he doesn't like when I take space, but this is how I process and come back in a healthy way). I did not ghost, each day I’d say “hey I’m not going anywhere I just don’t know what to say right now”
• I then messaged after that time how much I cared about him, how I wanted to mitigate and understand his feelings and we scheduled a call a few days later...
• ...and on that call, he broke up with me for real.
How I feel
I'm devastated, confused, and feel so broken and incapable. I lost the person I thought I'd spend forever with, and I didn't feel like I had a real chance to understand or repair his concerns. What felt like a small miscommunication to me was a huge rupture for him.
My questions
I called 988 last night because I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain is unbearable. Every Man jve dated has left me and last night the man I felt safest with ended things with me. I’ve tried everything. I try to be perfect. I have a good job and friends but the grief of not having someone who loves me is unbearable. If there was something I could do to be loved I’d do it but I’m not enough for some reason.
What is the point of living when you are worthless? I can’t bear to live 50+ more years living in agony.
I used be afraid of death and now I welcome it to take the pain away