u/ThrowRAoioioi

Hi all. I'm looking for advice from people who were able to salavage their relationship, even though they kept fighting over the same thing. Or conversely, from people who walked away and how they managed it. What have you tried before you did?

My bf and I have been together for 9 years. We have always had two main issues. I fail at chores, I'm forgetful and I do not make big decisions nor consistent positive changes in my life. He constantly criticizes me, has anger issues, and is verbally abusive.

For 9 years I told myself if I try hard enough he would not get angry with me, and he told me the same thing. A year ago he agreed to change, but we have hit a crisis now, and he maintains I must change before I can demand it from him.

My problem is, that I really do see faults in myself. None of my friends would call me lazy, and I believe I do more chores and side activites than most people I know, heavily including my boyfriend. But I do specifically fail to act at his request, such as arranging moves, coming up with idea for out life, or developing a healthy routine for myself. My excuse is usually that I do most of the daily upkeep, including our small business (I do) and that I cannot perform well when he screams at me almost daily. I DO try. But I do not know if I try hard enough. There were periods in our life when I had no excuse, and still did not pursue my passions out of laziness.

I suppose what I am asking is, how can I motivate myself to give it all? I don't know how, but I fear that I will always regret it if I don't. I love him so very much and I cannot believe I would not see him grow old. At the same time, I have been consistently unhappy and hurt for years, and I don't know if I should just accept my flaw and his flaws, and let him go.

Any advice from anyone looking back on staying/leaving is welcome.

Hi all. I'm looking for advice from people who were able to salavage their relationship, even though they kept fighting over the same thing. Or conversely, from people who walked away and how they managed it. What have you tried before you did?

My bf and I have been together for 9 years. We have always had two main issues. I fail at chores, I'm forgetful and I do not make big decisions nor consistent positive changes in my life. He constantly criticizes me, has anger issues, and is verbally abusive.

For 9 years I told myself if I try hard enough he would not get angry with me, and he told me the same thing. A year ago he agreed to change, but we have hit a crisis now, and he maintains I must change before I can demand it from him.

My problem is, that I really do see faults in myself. None of my friends would call me lazy, and I believe I do more chores and side activites than most people I know, heavily including my boyfriend. But I do specifically fail to act at his request, such as arranging moves, coming up with idea for out life, or developing a healthy routine for myself. My excuse is usually that I do most of the daily upkeep, including our small business (I do) and that I cannot perform well when he screams at me almost daily. I DO try. But I do not know if I try hard enough. There were periods in our life when I had no excuse, and still did not pursue my passions out of laziness.

I suppose what I am asking is, should I motivate myself to give it all? I don't know how, but I fear that I will always regret it if I don't. I love him so very much and I cannot believe I would not see him grow old. At the same time, I have been consistently unhappy and hurt for years, and I don't know if I should just accept my flaw and his flaws, and let him go.

Any advice from anyone looking back on staying/leaving is welcome.

Hi all. I'm looking for advice from people who were able to salavage their relationship, even though they kept fighting over the same thing. Or conversely, from people who walked away and how they managed it. What have you tried before you did?

My bf and I have been together for 9 years. We have always had two main issues. I fail at chores, I'm forgetful and I do not make big decisions nor consistent positive changes in my life. He constantly criticizes me, has anger issues, and is verbally abusive.

For 9 years I told myself if I try hard enough he would not get angry with me, and he told me the same thing. A year ago he agreed to change, but we have hit a crisis now, and he maintains I must change before I can demand it from him.

My problem is, that I really do see faults in myself. None of my friends would call me lazy, and I believe I do more chores and side activites than most people I know, heavily including my boyfriend. But I do specifically fail to act at his request, such as arranging moves, coming up with idea for out life, or developing a healthy routine for myself. My excuse is usually that I do most of the daily upkeep, including our small business (I do) and that I cannot perform well when he screams at me almost daily. I DO try. But I do not know if I try hard enough. There were periods in our life when I had no excuse, and still did not pursue my passions out of laziness.

I suppose what I am asking is, should I motivate myself to give it all? I don't know how, but I fear that I will always regret it if I don't. I love him so very much and I cannot believe I would not see him grow old. At the same time, I have been consistently unhappy and hurt for years, and I don't know if I should just accept my flaw and his flaws, and let him go.

Any advice from anyone looking back on staying/leaving is welcome.

Hi all. I'm looking for advice from people who were able to salavage their relationship, even though they kept fighting over the same thing. Or conversely, from people who walked away and how they managed it. What have you tried before you did?

My bf and I have been together for 9 years. We have always had two main issues. I fail at chores, I'm forgetful and I do not make big decisions nor consistent positive changes in my life. He constantly criticizes me, has anger issues, and is verbally abusive.

For 9 years I told myself if I try hard enough he would not get angry with me, and he told me the same thing. A year ago he agreed to change, but we have hit a crisis now, and he maintains I must change before I can demand it from him.

My problem is, that I really do see faults in myself. None of my friends would call me lazy, and I believe I do more chores and side activites than most people I know, heavily including my boyfriend. But I do specifically fail to act at his request, such as arranging moves, coming up with idea for out life, or developing a healthy routine for myself. My excuse is usually that I do most of the daily upkeep, including our small business (I do) and that I cannot perform well when he screams at me almost daily. I DO try. But I do not know if I try hard enough. There were periods in our life when I had no excuse, and still did not pursue my passions out of laziness.

I suppose what I am asking is, should I motivate myself to give it all? I don't know how, but I fear that I will always regret it if I don't. I love him so very much and I cannot believe I would not see him grow old. At the same time, I have been consistently unhappy and hurt for years, and I don't know if I should just accept my flaw and his flaws, and let him go.

Any advice from anyone looking back on staying/leaving is welcome.