u/ThrowRAwareJellyfish

I have worked for the Feds I have worked for the state….when does the nature conservancy hire for the summer?

I am starting to realize my desires and passion within fire belong to habitat management, prescribed burning and fuels mitigation work. (I worked for USFWS and loved working alongside biologists)

I miss doing work thats focused on fire prevention and understanding biodiversity.
I don’t have a college degree and next year will be my fourth season, FFT1, I was a squad boss for a fuels crew this year.

Thanks for any options you can think of!

It hurts but it’s numb
Why must u do this to me logger boots

Idk how yall say these things are the comfiest once broken in
I’ve had these for two seasons and it still HURTSSS

Thnx bye

Thought after thought
Obsessive paranoid thoughts

They’re mad
I screwed up
The opportunity is gone
I burnt the bridge
Will lose my job
Will lose my friends
Family doesn’t want me around
Coworkers are likely annoyed
I need to clean everything…….
Panic attack at work
Can’t tell work or they ask if I have a therapist again
Husband is upset
Career is pointless
I annoy everyone

The pit of anxiety stays in me
It swirls around for hours, days, weeks on end
It’s the same thoughts and new ones

The nausea sets in
More cigarettes
I keep it going
But cant get away from the chronic feeling

This is my life. Constant fear of upsetting, hurting and pulling away from those around me without fully acting on my fears and choose to ignore them so I continue my life

But then I get home and think…what if this could truly end?

In elementary school my friend kept teasing that I liked her brother, I told her to stop. I just played RuneScape with him and that’s it.
She kept taunting me
Told her to stop

I got so mad that I choked her briefly…
I still remember seeing the fright in her eyes and it scared me too

I never got in trouble for that, I’ve never gotten in a fight or been aggressive like that since
But it still scares me that I even did that

My family is dysfunctional, terrible at making plans and bad at communicating. I moved states away 4 years ago, but I have built a better relationship with them since moving….

I got married in March in Washington but it was essentially an elopement. A very small wedding that was intimate with my friends. My husbands family nor mine were there due to the spontaneity and I also couldn’t find the energy to accommodate them - they’re exhausting. I have to help them plan every detail when they visit, that comes down to booking their flights for them even

Anyways, I was asking for a date that worked for them concerning a time that worked. I gave them the option of two months to make it easy as possible on them. Little to no response was made…

Told them I was frustrated with how they’ve found this to be unprioritized and I understood that making plans wasn’t my families strong suit but that it was very hurtful how there hasn’t been much communication about my wedding celebration then all of a sudden everyone was able to respond with apologies.

I finally set the date - told them it would be nice if they could make it and I’ve gotten 0 responses. It’s been a week and I’ve been trying to set a date for a few months now.

I struggle with the reality that I can’t plan for my family to be dependable. I thought we were getting better, but I realize it’s cause I’m always the one to close the loop for them and parent them even when I’m states away from them.

No - there isn’t any bad blood with how I got married. I usually talk to my mom once every few weeks. I’ve expressed wanting to include them in my life plans on how to get them closer including my brother, but after seeing how this has been handled I don’t think I can plan around them anymore.

I eventually have to move on and start a life without them.

Currently working in Washington on a fuels crew, leading prescription units as a squad boss and engine lead for the summer

While I await a possible perm job that makes sense for me, what’s your experience in traveling to the east coast to continue your fire season?
What does the suppression/prescribed burning or fuels work look like?
How long is the season usually? Would like to be back in time for the fire season at home.

Thanks for any suggestions or recommendations.

Within this last year I’ve started to throw up almost every time I’ve cried

My cry sessions are *obviously* not calm cry sessions, as in casually letting my emotions out, but hard and long sessions of crying. I know this is likely my bodies way of responding to pent up anxiety but what’s weird is that I don’t feel like depressed or severely anxious on the daily?

Then I get something random like stress rash or throwing up every time I cry. Has anyone experienced this? It feels irrational for my body to be acting this way.

Random, but anyone have any good connections with mystery ranch? I know I’m just a stranger on the internet but it’s paid off before in this thread and I was very very grateful

My agency is giving us very compact awkward packs and I would like mystery ranch.

Any leads or advice is great! Thank you!

I haven’t told my husband about this yet but I acted on a desire that I feel guilty for.

When I was in high school it was fun (and dangerous) to go into sites like Chatroulette and to entertain people by teasing them sexually while slowly exposing myself.

Recently my husband went on a work trip, I strip teased with my video on but I didn’t chat with them. Couldn’t really hear them cause I was playing music so loudly.

This wasn’t really for them, though - it was for me.

It wasn’t like I was having sex with them I was just getting off on the idea of entertaining and how hot I looked. Also, I am very picky on who I even choose to entertain and engage with. My husband and I have discussed doing things like this together but I did it alone and I feel bad

I will tell him but trying to process this right now. I love him, I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I just have a kink I’m trying to understand but this is the first time I have acted on it.

I was feeling frisky, drank a bit and decided to go into video chat rooms. I didn’t talk to them, I just put on music and exposed myself if I felt like it.

It was fun to tease and entertain.

I’m very happy in my marriage and I feel like I could’ve talked to him about what I was desiring.

We’ve discussed doing things like that together

But I’m ashamed of it. I have never done this before in our relationship and I don’t want to continue a habit of it.