u/Throwawaylillyt

https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/6mSv24wv9G

We had her at our house this past week. Her dad asked her to load the dishwasher. It was the only chore she had been asked to do in a period of 5 days. She refused. She was pretty much yelling at him when he kept saying she had to do it. Saying things like “she cleans the whole house”. “Her siblings do nothing”. When I chimed in and said your siblings have been doing the dishwasher the past few days and today is your turn she yelled at her dad “tell her to quit talking”. He then told her he was going to bed and if the dishwasher was not loaded by the morning he would not purchase her another car. She said she didn’t care. She did not do it so he said he’s standing his ground and the cash we have in the safe for her car will be going back in the bank and sit until the next kid gets their license. I very much hope he means it. He never gives consequences and that is the reason she acts like this. She has been being horrible to him for the past 10 months since she got her car. She doesn’t listen to anything he says so the dishwasher incident was just the straw that broke the camels back. I told him if he went back on his word about this that it would most likely make me move out. Not that it’s an ultimatum but it would cause me to lose so much respect for him that i don’t think I could bring myself to live in a home with him and her. He said he understood and wouldn’t be changing his mind so I guess time will tell. She’s just super hard to live with. She doesn’t listen and does things like never locks the door when she leaves the house and when we tell her she can’t leave the house unlocked she’s says she has too because her nails are too long. My partner also said he will start removing things from her room when she leaves the home unlocked and when she asks for it back he will tell her that leaving the home unlocked means your items aren’t safe. I really hope he starts taking some action because I have a condo on the beach that’s screaming my name if this house can’t become a bit more peaceful.

I 44f and my partner 44m bought my sd17 a suv 10 months ago. She hated it from the start because it was an suv and not a car. We bought it because it was my partners best friends grandmothers car. It was older with higher miles but we knew she was the only owner and never missed a service on it so it would be reliable. Our budget is small because he has 4 cars to buy for his 4 teens over the next 5 years. BM is not helping at all with the cars. Well she got in a wreck and it caused a dent in the side and since the car is so old the totaled it and offered her $3,200.

My partner advised her just to keep her SUV becuase it’s not had the first issue and that would be very hard to replace with $3k. She went against his judgement and took the money. We have now been looking for a car for $3k for 3 weeks and they are all junk. She keeps sending us cars for over $20k and saying we should just give her more money. She has $3k saved of her own from working this past year but doesn’t want to put any of that towards a car for herself.

The suv was in her dad’s name but he said he would not register this new car into his name because of her actions the last few months while driving the SUV. Most notably she took a six hour road trip on a spare tire. My partner told her not to, that it wasn’t safe and she walked right past him out the door and went anyways.

Now this morning I am scheduled to look at a car to buy her and her mom calls saying she will not register a car for her for 30days because she was caught lying the night before about something very important. I called my partner to asked if I should still look at the car and he said go ahead and look and buy it and she’ll have to wait 30days to drive it.

Then my SD calls me to make sure I’m still going to look at it and starts questioning why her dad won’t just register it for her, which she’s already been told why. I reminded her of how he doesn’t want to be liable for when she does dumb stuff like drive on a 6 hour road trip with a spare tire. She then told me she didn’t do anything wrong that nothing happened with the tire. I asked her if she could at least acknowledge that it’s wrong not to listen to her dad when he tells her not to do something. She wouldn’t acknowledge she was wrong for that so I told her I’m not going to look at the car for her or any other car. I have spent so much of my time with this car thing and I’m just done.

Here’s where I am super pissed about the situation, she then calls her dad and tell on me for our conversation we just had. The issue comes….my partner doesn’t have my back. He tells me to just leave her alone and not to talk to her. Like excuse me? I am the one that’s been mainly driving her to work these last three weeks. Which is an hour round trip to drop her off and then again to pick her up so 2 hours of driving for her to work a 4 hour shift. And that’s just a drop in the bucket of things I have done for this child. So I’m good enough to call upon when she needs something but when I tell her something that isn’t what she wants to hear then all the sudden I need to stay out of it. I told my partner he’s wrong for not having my back and telling his daughter to not waste her time calling and complaining that I am telling her things she doesn’t want to hear because I am an adult who takes care of her and have every right to tell her how I feel about her attitude.

Am I wrong to be offended my partner just wants me to stay out of it now?

I told my partner about it because my feelings were hurt when I wasn’t acknowledged on Mother’s Day. His response to me is that it had to be fake day because he’s never heard of it. So no celebration for me.

This was the third year we have lived together and I have been a step mom to his 4 teens kids. I do not have any kids of my own. He’s never acknowledged me on Mother’s Day and a small part of me would like that. This year I was away at my sisters house in Mother’s Day and she celebrated me. She got me a card and a few small gifts and wrote such a sweet note how I deserve to be appreciated on Mother’s Day for taking care of my husbands kids. I cook, clean, drive to school, spots and social activities. I plan and pay for vacations for them. I do Starbucks and target runs. I listen when they are upset. I listen when they are happy. I help with homework and I really could go on and on. I feel like I do all the things a mom would do. His kids have not really bonded to me. We have never hugged or exchanged I love yous. I want to but try and follow their lead. Their mom hates me with a passion and I think that has really hurt us being able to bond. We have 50/50. Anyways after my sister acknowledging me it has really got me in my feelings that my husband never has. And to top it off I came home telling him my brother in law didn’t do anything for my sister for Mother’s Day and he said “oh things like that is enough to cause a divorce” and said “I always did something for the kids mom”. Then that really got me thinking you can’t just tell me thank you on Mother’s Day? What do you involved stepmoms think, especially childfree one, should our husband celebrate us on Mother’s Day? Also on a side note, it was so nice to be at my sisters house with her 3 kids that absolutely adore me. It’s exhausting at home with 4 teens, 2 who openly admit to not liking you.

Sorry if this has already been posted. I haven’t been on the sub in a while. But it was very exciting to get some feedback. It is the first time for me and been on the platform for 3 years.