u/TimelySpite4500

Hi gals, the title is a little dramatic but this is the gist: I have several friends I met through a beginner bike ride. We have all improved to be regular cyclists, and have done centuries and long rides together. Several of them are getting into really fast rides (like pace line style), while I am not. I only have a gravel bike, and on top of that I’m not very fast lol. I am happy averaging 14mph. That said, I do find that this means I am left spending a lot less time with my friends while they do speedy things.

Of course we do other, chill rides or hang out outside of biking, but understandably they want to spend their Saturdays on fast, long training rides. Overall I’m fine with this, knowing we just have different goals, but it does make me a little sad and/or makes me wonder if I should work to get to that level. I know this doesn’t mean our friendship is over or anything, but I do feel a little bit like the loser of the group for it lol. I am def not a beginner but also not equipped to do paceline so feel like I’m left behind. Have you experienced this? What helped?

This is silly but value an outside opinion. I now have three bikes (two gravel, one road) and that’s simply too many for the space I have. I need to sell one, and the logical thing would probably be to sell my old gravel bike so I have a gravel and a road…but I’m resistant to it. It’s my commuter bike as it has flats and acts like a hybrid. It was also my very first bike.

The road bike on the other hand, while it works, it’s not in great shape. I also had a crash on it and the skinny tires make me quite nervous. I know it would be smart to keep a road bike for faster rides, but I just have this weird aversion to it. I’ve considered selling both bikes and replacing my road bike…but that means I will have bought two new bikes this year and completely flipped my inventory lol.

Thoughts? Opinions for a stranger?

I’ve seen posts about this before that focus on hobby groups - but I’m in a ton of those. While I have friends from those groups I’m not sure any of them are really deep friendships. We do our hobby and sometimes hang out for dinner or drinks but I’m not sure I could show up crying on their doorstep or anything.

I’ve had a few long-term friends that I’ve lost due to differences in values, and some friendship drama between others in groups that have driven us all apart. Basically….my friendships are slipping away and I’m freaking out. I put myself out there constantly but people move, or get married and move to the suburbs and I have to go back to zero with someone new. How do you do this??

I have friends, I have hobbies, I’m in therapy. But sometimes the loneliness is crippling. I can spend a wonderful day with friends but knowing they are all going home to someone who loves them while I spend my night alone is really hard. I’m in a period of lots of baby showers, engagements and experiencing every other person in my family start a family of their own and it’s just extra isolating. I’m not even sure I want kids but seeing loving partnerships weekend after weekend while I struggle to even meet one nice, attractive man is disheartening.

I’m happy for all my friends and family of course, and I am thankful they are all (for the most part) in really loving and kind relationships. But then I go home and feel the most alone I’ve ever felt in my life. Just hoping to hear how you get through these times or even have some camaraderie. Like I said, I have a full life, just not this one thing I really really want and I’m struggling to self-soothe.

Okay but not like, a house. I mean a big purchase that’s a thing that maybe not everyone would spend big money on. No shame or judgement, just curious how people like to spend their money!

Long story short, mid-30s and have been trying to date for the past year after a long break following an abusive relationship. I thought I healed, but I’m realizing there’s a LOT of fear and avoidance coming up that I need to deal with before I can date. And I guess I’m just frustrated because I took such a long break for myself only to realize I still have shit to deal with because of my ex. This man has stolen so much time from me and now I’m eating up more time by taking a step back to heal. It’s the right thing to do but I just feel so behind.

Even better if it’s not about your physical appearance! I recently have been told by two people that I have a calming presence and make them feel at ease - which is shocking to me because I’m SO ANXIOUS internally. Felt super lovely and reassuring to hear that at least I don’t present that way externally!

What’s your favorite unexpected compliment?

Choosing between these bikes - biggest difference is the electronic shifting on the trek. I’ve never had it before but it was niceeee on the test ride. It also felt a bit lighter than the diverge. However, not sure that justifies an almost 1k price difference. Any thoughts or experiences with these?

Choosing between these bikes - biggest difference is the electronic shifting on the trek. I’ve never had it before but it was niceeee on the test ride. It also felt a bit lighter than the diverge. However, not sure that justifies an almost 1k price difference. Any thoughts or experiences with these?

Choosing between these bikes - biggest difference is the electronic shifting on the trek. I’ve never had it before but it was niceeee on the test ride. It also felt a bit lighter than the diverge. However, not sure that justifies an almost 1k price difference. Any thoughts or experiences with these?

Hi gals. Hoping to hear your tips for optimal leg recovery. I have been averaging 80-100 mile weeks for a bit now, mostly with one long-ish ride and bunch of shorter rides. I’m not that fast, and I’m not going crazy distances, so I often don’t think too much about recovery. But recently, my legs have been COOKED every time I go out to ride. I’ve taken a few days off but I think generally I just need to be a bit better about recovery so I don’t burn out.

What is your favorite drink/food/thing to do after a ride to keep your legs feeling fresh?

Of course assuming you’re single AND want a relationship. I am struggling because I do really want a relationship, and feel like I’m in a really good place for one. However, the apps have just never worked for me. I’ve never had a successful relationship from an app, and truthfully they wreck my self-esteem.

However, I see posts here complaining about being single and the comments will be to the effect of “you can’t complain if you’re not doing the things to improve your situation”. Which I don’t disagree - when I’m not on the apps I have this feeling like *what if* I’m missing this magical guy, and get almost FOMO. But then the reality of the apps is that they are largely draining.

Of course I do as much as I can IRL, but I’m in the southern US so when I meet men out they are usually married. Or conservative lol.

So I guess, how do you feel like you’re making positive steps towards finding a relationship while still protecting your mental health?

Hi! I’m hoping for some lady cyclist expertise :) I’m upgrading my gravel bike, but ideally I’d like it to also sort of function as a hybrid that I can take on brewery rides or greenway cruises. I am not worried about going crazy fast, but ideally it would be somewhat lightweight for this purpose. Electronic shifting is a priority too. I’ve been looking at the Canyon Grail, Specialized Diverge and the Trek Checkpoint but open to really anything below 6k. Tell me about your gravel bike if you love it!

lol sorry this title is insane. But curious if you’ve experienced being friends with someone who doesn’t have a lot of other friends, and how you handled expectations. I am struggling a bit with feeling bad about turning down invites/ figuring out how to support this friend while also maintaining separate friendships and hobbies. I’m also a heavy introvert so sometimes I just need alone time and there just aren’t enough days in a week to balance doing what I want to do with seeing multiple friends. I do feel bad, but not sure how much of my responsibility it is to bring her into my existing friend groups etc? Any advice or experience would be appreciated!

I know you should always negotiate, and I’m beating myself up about this. Basically, earlier this year I had extreme burnout from my job - it was a toxic place with insane demands on my time. I job searched probably 4 months intentionally looking for a “step down” responsibility-wise. I just really wanted out and more work-life balance.

A few months ago I got a great job offer that I took with some negotiation on additional time off between jobs. I didnt,however, negotiate salary. It was an increase from my previous role, more manageable workload, and honestly I was just so excited to work with seemingly kind folks. The new job has been great, but I am still beating myself up for not at least trying to negotiate. I wouldnt have asked for much more as I was pretty happy with the salary, but I got about $10k under the top of the range they advertised on the posting.

Anyway, what’s done is done and I’m happy to be out of my old role. But hoping someone can give me some reassurance that I didn’t fail myself or this new company by not advocating for more.

Hi gals. For context, I’m a people pleaser and hyper vigilant of people’s moods (I’m in therapy so I know why this is, but not important). I am in several friend groups with…big personalities. People who have to have things their way or their mood plummets. People who are very sensitive to others comments and go silent when they face a perceived slight. For all of these examples I am not the one changing the vibe of the group, but I’m affected by it. For some people I can tell myself that it’s not my job to read their feelings or to fix them.

What I’ve noticed recently is I’ll be doing an activity with these friends where we spend a lot of time together, and someone’s mood will tank the vibes immediately. So then we are all stuck with the awkwardness for the duration of the hang. I’ll try to accommodate or make the person feel better, sometimes at the expense of what I want. How do you all get over this hyper vigilance of others emotions and just let shit be weird? Like I said I’m in therapy but I am struggling with these awkward ass friendship dynamics that I’m not really even contributing to but desperately want to fix so we can all have a good time.

Wasn't sure how to phrase this, but basically even though I WANT a relationship, its really hard to actually imagine myself in one. I've been single for so long, I just don't think I have the brain muscle that can imagine another human being in my house, in my bed every night, being part of my decisions etc. It just feels really, really far off. So I'm curious either for other single ladies or previous single ladies - do you/did you experience this? I know in previous relationships it just sort of happened that our lives merged, but I just can't imagine it happening now, post-30. Did you find yourself feeling this way, and was integrating another life into yours easier or harder than expected?