r/womenintech

I’m quite sure my time in big tech in coming to an in the coming months. I will be doing absolutely everything possible to NOT take another full time role for a year or two.

Sooo who has mastered the art of the profitable side gig or managed to sustain themselves without a traditional 9-5?

My dream gig would be building something I can market and sell or finding some niche product I can sell through ecommerce. I want complete control over my stress levels and work hours.

I am not really interested in freelancing or doing the fractional thing since it feels like BS meetings, deliverables & client stress.

Curious to hear what others have done and how they’ve made it work. Thanks all!

Hi,

I have noticed that some men use the following strategies to work less, and hope that a generous soul (usually a competent woman) picks up the stack. I propose to share here these strategies and start using it ourselves.

- they never say no, they say yes to everything and then just not do anything.

- when challenged about the status :

++ they say that this or that project took too much of their time, and how busy they were.

++ they say that they need to align with X or Y and will get back to us. Excuse they can use many times in a row until people forget about the task.

- they often offer to schedule a meeting to discuss topics, where other people will contribute in doing their work.

- they will loudly say we should do this and that, while never proposing an actual plan and doing some work themselves

- new! they generate Claude AI blurp that they don't even read and send it to the others for review, so a human can do the work they were too lazy to do.

- they reply "great point" without answering the actual question.

Curious to hear about the strategies you see out there!

Ok this might be dumb and I've rewritten it a few times so bear with me.

My company rolled out this internal AI thing a couple weeks ago and it basically does the part of my job I was the go-to person for. The messy, fiddly stuff people used to slack me about, it just does it now, in seconds, and honestly it does it well. everyone's thrilled. My manager called it a huge unlock. And it is!

But I've had this low-grade dread ever since and I can't shake it. Because that thing? That was kind of my thing. That was the reason people knew who I was on the team. and now it's a feature.

I keep trying to work out what's actually left that's mine… the part of what I do that isn't the tool. and I genuinely can't put it into words, which is scaring me more than the tool did. Six years in and when I try to name the thing that's still me I just get static.

I mentioned it to my partner and he said, isn't that a good thing though, less work for you? and I couldn't explain why it wasn't. That's the loop I'm stuck in.

Anyway. I don't even know what I'm asking. For the women who've been through one of these shifts like offshoring, no-code, whatever your version was, how did you figure out what part of you was the irreplaceable bit?

Or does everyone just quietly feel replaceable and not say it. idk.

Especially if you felt like the environment wasn’t really supportive of women?

I’ve been working in tech for nearly 8 years. About a year and a half ago, I left a Fortune 50 company I had spent the majority of my career at to join a smaller and less “tech mature” company. It’s still a large corporation, but its tech org is no where near the maturity of my original company. Let’s call my current company, Company B.

I started working at Company B because Company A was returning to office, and Company B promised fully remote, contract to hire setup within 6 months. A family member had become terminally ill during that time, so it was important for me to stay remote.

I took the job with optimism that I could make a difference and have more visibility at a “smaller” company that needed a lot of design help.

Company B has been a disaster. This was my first contract job, and of course they changed their policy and converting to FTE has been taken off the table for all contractors. My workload has doubled, and now I’m covering 2 product teams. The PM on one project has pushed me to my breaking point on a high visibility project. They treat me like I’m a machine, and “less than” because I’m a contractor, and don’t value the time it takes to produce quality work and think through design problems. The only way I can describe this PM is “workaholic bully”, and they are notoriously difficult to work with.

My other team is losing patience with me because I just can’t handle juggling last minute asks when there’s no product roadmap. It’s just “leadership wants this NOW”, make it happen.

I’ve been burnt out for months to the point I’m angry every time I have to log on. I absolutely hate this job. I have no support from my manager, who cancels our 1:1s often. In their defense, they are overwhelmed with work too.

I know if I give 2 weeks notice, they will make that 2 weeks a living hell just to squeeze every last bit of work out of me, knowing they’ll be in a tough situation when I’m gone.

I’ve been treated poorly, given double work without even a talk of a raise, and been handed broken promises of a conversion to full time among other things. The culture at this company is just crap and leadership is poor.

I’ve seen Company B executives literally pitch fits like children when they give teams a project with an impossible timeline and inadequate resources, then get angry when the results fall short.

I have another job opportunity and I’m in the final stage of an interview next week. If I get the job, I want to quit Company B without giving 2 weeks. I’ll never work for this contractor or Company B again. I know it’s horrible etiquette, and I know that the “tech world is small” but I really just want to say “F U” to Company B after how awful they’ve treated me.

Also, I haven’t had a 2-3 week break without work in literally 8 years, and I just need time to decompress and reset before starting a new job.

I quit my tech job last year bc of burn out and I wanted to start pursuing a lifelong passion. I had savings that I am living on right now.

I am now ready mentally to get back into the workplace but do not want to give up my dream of writing which I want to dedicate at least an average of 2 hours daily on.

I am being very picky about culture and expected WLB when I am interviewing right now.

Please get detailed if you can about how you juggle both and do not let your full time job creep into stealing your mind and soul.

So we had a house party with the few of my colleagues and I asked tgem how much they earn. It turned out that the guy who joined after me, even earns 10k euros more than me in a year.
I can tell that I am not worse in my job than my other teammates and I even help others with their tickets.
We are software developers for chip developement QA.
The only thing that I am different from the rest of the team that I have a theoretical physics phd, while most of my team is electrical engineers or computer scientists (none of them have phd).

What would you girlies do in my situation? I am really pissed.

Edit: I also earn less than the colleagues who joined before me

I've been wondering why there seems to be more experiences of burnout/quitting due to stress among women in tech versus men in tech.

I recognize there are many women who have fulfilling careers in tech and feel their work environment is sustainable and supportive. So I am by no means suggesting that that this is the experience for all women in tech.

What I notice though is that for women in tech, burnout/stress seems to be cited often as a result of overwork, relentless deadlines, grind culture, etc. These are things that impact men just as much, but they don't seem to cite burnout/stress as much or in the same way.

This issue seems to be true even for women who don't cite gender disparity/discrimination as the core issue for them - while I'm sure this is a significant contributing factor even unconsciously, it doesn't seem like it's the main/only driver.

Are men just not admitting that the stress takes a toll on them, and they're coping quietly with the same issues, just suppressed? Or do they have some way of seeing the grind/pressure as "worth it" or intrinsically rewarding in ways that women aren't conditioned into buying into?

I sometimes see a level of grind/pressure pursued by male colleagues in tech that seems almost like a desire to work hard for the sake of being perceived as working hard - so much so that they're even somewhat content to work for a failing startup or declining company without being as fazed by it because the grind is still sort of energizing for them in some ways?

tl;dr do men in tech experience less stress, or are they suppressing their experiences of stress? Or are they conditioned to perceive stressful work as a kind of end in itself (whereas women do not)?

I'm facing a though situation at work for a few months. I am burnt out, unable to perform at all. I sit at my computer, it takes me hours to master the energy to start and, when I do, I can't perform. I can't think, my brain seems to have forgotten all my previous experiences. It's drained.

I've been put on PIP this week, it should last for the entire month, however, given the way things have been, I'm sure I'll fail. Even if I don't, I won't be able to perform according to their expectations, so it's just a matter of time. The PIP period goes until the end of the month, and I am wondering if maybe I should just be honest to my manager, tell him that I struggling with my perform and even if I'm able to reach the PIP requirements I won't be able to sustain it.

However, I can't just quit because then I don't get my severance and won't be to file for unemployment.

I could do my best and hang in there for the rest of the month and wait until the period ends, however it would be counter productive, a waste of both of our times.

What do you think? Has anybody been in this situation before? Should I try having this conversation with them, or should I just hang on for another month until the PIP ends and they fire me? I'm really afraid of losing my severance.

I have been in tech for 14 years, I am a director at a series C startup. I manage a team of 8 engineers and 2 PMs. I am the only woman at the director level in my department.

For the last 3 years I have been the person who fixes everything. The sprint that is behind. The client escalation at 10 pm. The hiring pipeline that dried up, the team members who need coaching. I handle it all and I smile while doing it, because I know that if I look tired in a meeting someone will use to confirm that women can't handle leadership.

Last month I was in the ER with chest pains. Th doctor told me that it was stress and I needed to make some changes immediately. I laughed and said I would try. I did not try. I was back online that same night, because we had a release.

This week two of my best female engineers told me they are leaving. Both said the same thing. They love the work but they feel exhausted. They see me work 70 hours a week and they know that is the expectation if they want to grow. I wanted to tell them to stay and fight, but I could not they were right. I am the example they are following and I have not slept more than 5 hours a night in months.

I have been reading everything I can about women in leadership and burnout. I found the close Cohen Executive Transition report and the data on senior leaders made me realise this is not a me problem. It is a structural problem. But knowing that does not fix anything.

I am supposed to present our Q3 roadmap next week and I have not started the deck because I can not focus more than 20 min without feeling like I am going to pass out. I am terrified that if I take a real break everything will fall apart. I am also terrified that if I don't I will be the next person in the community posting about chronic illness.

I don't know what I am asking for, maybe just proof that other senior women have survived this without destroying their health. Maybe the permission to stop being the fixer for once.

If you survived this, how did you do it? Thanks.

I have another post that a lot of people are being super kind and helpful on, so at risk of asking too much, I'd like to get input and opinions about what I should do. I'm going to keep things a little vague in case anyone else from where I work is here.

Basically, when the layoffs happen, probably in August, I will probably be in the position of having to report to someone who is far less qualified than me. I have been at the company almost two decades, him, way less. The job he has has more visibility than mine, but I've proven that I am a great manager and excellent getting people through change. He has none of that.

I'm upset that I'd have to report to someone so unqualified. But, I don't know if I should do anything about it. This is where I could use some help. The guy, if promoted, would have a LOT of stress, and honestly, his work life won't be happy. I don't want that. But I don't want to swallow my pride and report to this guy. Do I just keep my mouth shut and go with it, or do I escalate? And even if I do "escalate", there's zero assurance it would be helpful.

I feel like this is a "be careful what you ask for" situation. Any thoughts? Thank you!

ETA - Thank you so much for all of the input, experiences, reality checks, etc. It helped a ton, I appreciate all of your time and energy.

I’m looking for honest advice from founders who have been through this.

I’m building a B2C femtech product. I have angel investment in place, a validated problem space, beta users ready, and a strong GTM/customer understanding. My background is in growth, ops, and strategy at Silicon Valley tech companies, so I’m not coming at this from “I have an idea, someone build it for me.” I know the market, the user, the distribution problem, and the pain point deeply.

But I’ll be honest. I think I’ve been a little brainwashed by the YC-style advice that I NEED a technical co-founder before launching.

The technical co-founder search has been exhausting.

A few patterns I’m seeing:

1. Since this is femtech, I initially preferred a woman co-founder. But the pool of senior technical women interested in early-stage femtech is painfully small.
2. It’s surprisingly hard to get men who haven’t experienced hormonal or metabolic health issues to truly understand why this problem matters. Some intellectually get it, but the urgency is not always there.
3. When I do find technically strong people, many are very passive. I understand that conviction takes time, but if someone agrees to a work trial, I expect some real energy and ownership. Instead, it often feels like I’m trying to drag excitement out of them.
4. Most technical people say, “This is technically easy to build; GTM is the hard part.” Fair enough. But then they still want cash comp from the angel money, equal equity, and less downside risk, while I’m carrying the fundraising, customer validation, GTM, product direction, and early operating risk.

I’m starting to wonder if I should stop searching for the mythical perfect technical co-founder, hire a strong founding engineer, launch the beta, prove traction, and revisit the co-founder question later.

I know the standard advice is that B2C is hard, femtech is hard, and you want a true technical partner early. I get that. But at what point does waiting for the “right” technical co-founder become more damaging than just moving?

Would love advice from founders who have faced this decision.

• Did you wait for a technical co-founder?
• Did you hire a founding engineer instead?
• Did you regret either path?

And for non-technical founders who raised or built the first version without a technical co-founder, what would you do differently?

Could you please help me to process that? My colleague made some unacceptable comments towards me. My mentor insisted on me reporting that.

Now I got feedback after reporting it. Outcome: no formal policy violation but substantiated behavioral concern.

What would you do in my place?

I am a SWE with ~3 YOE and work for a pretty well known company currently. I am having a hard time managing up because there’s a huge amount of politics involved in my current organization.

I am looking for career mentorship. Are there any platforms that offer career mentorship or anyway I can find quality mentorship?

TIA!

This feels so ridiculous, but here goes.

I've been working in tech for ~15 years, primarily at older established companies. Last year I took a leap of faith and joined a larger (1000+ person) start up. It was a fucking mess, and I loved it. I poured myself into this job. I gave it everything I had, and they ate it up. I had stellar reviews, really strong relationships, and the work was exciting. But arguably, the job also sucked. I was an IC but asked to work as a manager with a small team under me, and the org was EXTREMELY hierarchical. So while I was supposed to be operating as a manager I never got the respect of one, which caused major issues in my ability to deliver. I raised the flag many times, in many different ways. I was told for months the promotion was "1-2 weeks away" and it never came. And eventually it be as so toxic I had to leave and I found another job.

They were SHOOK when I gave notice. They scrambled and gave me a great counter - from IC to senior manager with immediate headcount under me. I SO BADLY wanted to take it. I wanted this more than anything in my career. I cried about it pretty much daily through my last two weeks. Ultimately I declined and left because they also wanted me to relocate, and I didn't feel that was the right move with my husband in a good job he loves and young kids. It was too risky with how toxic things has been.

So I left, and I'm still devastated. I've been gone two weeks and I just don't feel any better. I'm starting my new job next week, and I hope that helps. But the sadness over leaving my last job is completely overshadowing my excitement for the new job. I still just feel so bummed I walked away from my dream job. I know it wouldn't have fixed the root issues. But damn it I loved that job and I gave it so much, it just feels like an incomplete chapter. I'm so unhappy about how things ended.

“Not getting it.”
“Lacking initiative to see around corners.”

These were some of the words put in my PIP at this time last year. I was at a publicly traded company coming off a weak quarter and after a VP insinuated that I should fudge some revenue numbers in my reporting.

About a month later, my manager put me – a classic millennial who is fiercely competitive and always wondering if I’m not doing enough – on a PIP on the basis that I am “not seeing around corners “.

Not gonna lie, that was quite the traumatizing experience for me, especially as someone who has always been at least the top quartile of performers. Luckily, my current manager who is the c level at a smaller private company was standing by as mentor and advisor and ended up offering me a role that not only matched comp, but greatly expanded my reach and influence.

I have thrived in my new role partially because this was one designed for me and my strengths, but also partially because I am dead set on proving to myself, and the haters that my last pip did not define me.

It has been a year now in my new role and yesterday, my manager set me down and asked me to be the program owner of a company wide enterprise migration initiative that may change the trajectory of not only my company but also my career.

For the last year, I have been managing small projects here and there, but this is something new because this is highly visible to the full C suite.

It’s funny how things work out in the corporate world. One moment, you are trash and considered somebody to expend and then the next moment, you might be given a career changing assignment.

At any rate, if any program managers have pro insights on how to maximize success of such a extensive project– I’d appreciate your perspective. For everyone else, I suppose the moral of the story here is that you should never doubt yourself because you never know what can happen in a year.

(and no, this rant was not written with AI. My 11th grade English teacher taught me the dash and I’ve used it extensively in my writing long before LLM’s existed)

Hello, I recently posted here a few times about my PIP, just wanted to thank this group for all the advice you all gave. If you are experiencing this as well, here are some things I did that helped:

- check within your company to find out their culture around PIPs. So many people online told me it was a done deal, but I found that there were multiple people at my job who survived a PIP so at my company they are meant to be rehabilitative.

- take notes in the PIP. Make them go line by line and explain one by one each item and make them pause while you give clarification (if you want, there is also the approach of just accepting whatever they say)

- take the notes and make a plan for yourself (you can use AI for this). Make sure you are fulfilling all of those things, this will make it harder (but not impossible) for them to get rid of you

- get involved in initiatives that are public facing and over communicate with your manager on initiative updates. Make sure they are seeing the work you're doing. If you can get others to talk you up, do so

Nothing can stop a PIP if they want to get rid of you, but these are some things that helped me.

I'm posting here just to vent I guess. Our company is planning a big round of layoffs that will happen early to mid-August. I'm dreading it all. If I get laid off, I'm a woman in her 60s in tech trying to find another job. If I survive, sure I'll be relieved, but there'll be a whole new set of changes to deal with, and a lot of my coworkers, who I really like, will be gone.

Of course I hope I don't get cut, but the time from now to the cuts is going to be tough.

A lot of people are really struggling, so no need to reply. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks everyone.