u/TinySteggy

Every time I hear a story like Harbe's, it hurts like hell... but this has particularly affected me because I also have a 7-year-old nonverbal and autistic child. Harbe and my son could be brothers. They have same dark brown hair, brown eyes, gap between their front teeth, and mischievous smile.

I went to work this morning heartbroken after having read the news, but pushed through my first 2 meetings. Around noon, my husband texted me from his office: "I can't take this heartache." I broke down and had to excuse myself from my last 2 meetings.

Our son has an IEP that includes a strategy to mitigate his elopement. His school's staff - from the teachers to the principal - hold his hand whenever outside of his classroom. He's in a class where the bathroom is connected. He has someone beside him at all times when he walks down the hall or eats lunch in the cafeteria. There's a lockdown protocol if he or a classmate unexpectedly leaves the classroom. The school does everything it can to keep these special children safe. Elopement is still our #1 fear.

Our property is fully fenced in, we have baby locks on every window, and have dead-bolted any doors leading outside. But we know that anything can happen in the blink of an eye. Literally, just a single blink. He's incredibly fast and determined. If he wants to explore, he runs on pure instinct. There's no logic. His brain cannot comprehend the concept of danger. He's fearless in a sometimes beautiful, sometimes terrifying way. Harbe was likely the same. Sweet, innocent curiosity and fearlessness.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, but I feel like this community will understand somehow. I hope tomorrow is better for everyone. Today, I can't stop looking out the window at my neighbor's pool and feeling as though I can't catch my breath. It's absolutely horrific.

I live very close to Menands, NY, where a 7-year-old autistic and nonverbal boy eloped from a family gathering two days ago. His body was found in a neighbor's pool this morning. Our town, and all those neighboring it, were alerted on our phones to the missing child on Sunday. Intense searches were conducted. It felt as though we were all watching closely and praying. It was in vain.

Every time I hear a story like this it hurts like hell, but this one has particularly affected me because I have a 7-year-old nonverbal and autistic child. Harbe, the child who died, looks so much like my son. They both have dark brown hair, brown eyes, a gap between their front teeth, and the same mischievous smile.

I went to work this morning heartbroken after having read the news, but cried it out and pushed through my first 2 meetings. Around noon, my husband texted me from his office: "I can't take this heartache." We both decided to take mental health days (thank you to our employers for this benefit).

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, but I feel like this community will understand. When the unthinkable happens, the projects and strategies we spend all day discussing at work suddenly become so trivial.

I hope tomorrow is better. Today I can't stop looking out the window at my neighbor's pool and feeling as though I can't catch my breath.

ETA: Thank you all for your responses, I read every one of them and they warmed my heart. This community is truly amazing. <3

I had a near fatal stroke 7 years ago, when my son was only 3 weeks old. I was in the ICU for many weeks and have a lot of physical and neurological issues since then. It was, as you can imagine, traumatizing. My father and I were low contact at the time; he visited me in the hospital once.

Since then, I’ve gone NC. My father was physically and emotionally abusive my entire life. I finally gave him an ultimatum of going to therapy or never seeing me/my son again after he lost his temper in front of my then-2-year-old son. It’s been 5 years since then and not a peep from him.

On top of wondering how a parent can let their child walk away without even trying to salvage things (he literally laughed in my face when I told him he needed to find a therapist), I’ve been thinking lately about how extra fucked up he is that he let me walk away with the added layer of having a high risk condition. For the last 5 years he hasn’t reached out once despite my email and phone number being the same.
To be clear, I will NEVER talk to him again. His outreach wouldn’t change my decision. I just think about how truly fucked up he is.

I wonder how he lives with himself. Does he even wonder if I’m still alive? How does the shame not kill him?

This may be far-fetched but does anyone have recommendations for a cobbler in the capital region? I'm looking for someone who can replace laces with velcro on a few pairs of sneakers for someone with special needs. Thanks all!