u/TomhetensDatter

How did you react to being rejected? Were you able to remain friends after the first rejection? Or did you get your hopes up and intensify your feelings?

When my online friend first rejected me, he wanted to continue the conversation. I handled the rejection with maturity. I told him I needed some time to think about this situation. And after a week of silence, I just sent him a simple "hi" or something. We continued talking friendly. But still, it felt like I was always the one initiating contact. I think he was trying to maintain a balance-trying to stay friends while avoiding triggering my feelings again. I tried to stay friends because I didn't want to throw away our friendship and everything we shared just because I had feelings. But my feelings were still there. To avoid making him uncomfortable, I didn’t explain these feelings to him while we were staying friends. Out of consideration for his peace of mind. Then, realizing I couldn't carry this emotional weight anymore, I unfollowed him and stayed silent for a week, but I came back. I gave him a real and valid reason. I told him that I needed to distance myself because I was genuinely dealing with some academic problems that week. He was understanding about it. But I think he realized that sometimes my feelings were influencing my actions anyway.

Regardless, during a normal conversation that day, he told me he had a girlfriend and mentioned it was a recent thing. At first, I wished them happiness, but suddenly I started talking about my emotions. I began sending long messages, pouring my heart out. I didn't openly criticize him or say anything insulting. But he told me, "I've had a long-distance relationship before, it was a bad experience, so as a rule, I don't do long-distance relationships anymore." And I told him, "You are reducing me to a criterion; I held the possibility of being with you above any criterion." But my intention wasn't to change his mind or question his decisions. I was just constantly explaining myself. And I think in written communication, this is very prone to being perceived as pressure. If he hadn't presented me with reasons while rejecting me, I wouldn't have argued against them. And honestly, I don't think he was obligated to give me a reason anyway. I just presented my own perspective against the reasons he gave me. But I didn't cut off the conversation after a certain point. He said he had to go to sleep and would reply the next day. The next day, he sent me a kind message, saying his goal wasn't to make me feel bad. He just said he wanted to be honest with me. And he told me that I had misunderstood him. He believed that no matter what he said, I would misunderstand him, and he told me that I needed time. So, I didn't write anything for 6 days. Then I wrote back and told him I felt embarrassed about my confessions, that I didn't need time to "digest" things, and that he shouldn't be sorry. I told him I was glad we had our previous talk. But I didn't say anything about misunderstanding him; I never mentioned the misunderstanding issue at all. But he thought I had misunderstood him. And he stayed silent to my message. He still hasn't replied.

On the day of my confession, my goal wasn't to question his decisions, and the only thing I wanted to express was the fact that, despite all his criteria, he could have seen me as an exception. I mean, what I meant there was that sometimes people can give someone a chance even if they don't fit their criteria at all. If he wanted to, he could have done that; that's what I was talking about. I think criteria and reasons are just excuses. And he was the one who gave me reasons; I never asked him "why?". When he listed his reasons, I just put forward my own arguments. I am not trying to cross anyone's boundaries, but when someone rejects me for a specific reason, it feels like those reasons are just an excuse. And I feel stupid. If he had told me, "I'm just not attracted to you," I would have understood. But talking about criteria and reasons feels like boxing a person into a set of metrics. Of course, he can reject me, I genuinely don't have an issue with that. But he thinks I am taking his reasons personally. By the way, since he has a girlfriend, I wasn't proposing anything romantic to him that day. I was only talking about how, when he first rejected me-when he didn't have a girlfriend-he could have given me a chance. Frankly, I don't know what to think. Please don't judge me harshly because this is the first time I've had such intense feelings for someone. So, if I am failing to see right from wrong, you can explain it to me. Right now, I have no romantic expectations from him and I would like to stay friends because he is a very intellectual and wonderful person. I don't want to lose him, and I am no longer hopeful romantically. I have zero expectations. Where do you think I went wrong? Or was he completely faultless? Or can we still be friends? He has a girlfriend, and I have no hope left anyway because even if a romantic possibility were to arise in the future, it seems I no longer have that desire for a relationship inside me. I don't have any romantic expectations, and I also feel guilty. But on the other hand, my inner voice puts me in a defensive psychology. What should I do?

**My online friend rejected me on the grounds that there is someone else in his life, and during that rejection, I unfortunately came off as if I was trying to convince him otherwise. Even though I didn't openly criticize him, my sentences made it look that way. On top of that, the parts where I confessed my feelings definitely sounded needy, and I took his reasoning too personally. I don't know if he got angry with me, but the next day, he told me I need some time to digest things. 6 days later I sent him a long message showing that I was doing well and that there was no problem, without asking any questions. I think he interpreted that message as a final goodbye. My message was that: "**Hi, I’m glad we had previous talk. Please don’t be sorry. It didn’t bother me at all. I just took some time to reply because I felt bashful, flustered and shyness after my confessions. It wasn't about needing time to “digest” anything. Just I’d usually be too shy to say something about myself, but our previous talk just made it easy to let it out. I knew exactly what I was saying at the time, but the next day, I still surprised myself about my confessions. Besides, there’s also the fact that; I’ve never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship before, I’m feeling amateur when it comes to love or confessions, so I didn’t really know if there’s a “right way”, “right time” or “right place” to express feelings. So everything just came out naturally through our exchange of questions and answers. They were all just part of that previous talk and I appreciate that. There's no need to worry about our last talk or about me. This is just my approach"

Does this message seem like I'm defending myself even though I'm wrong?

However, I don't want to say goodbye to him because I still have feelings for him. I have no intention or purpose of convincing him otherwise anymore. But there is a point where I feel deeply guilty; for instance, he might have felt misunderstood because of me, and he might have thought that he couldn't carry the intensity of my emotions. I truly want to apologize to him for taking his reasoning personally and for giving such emotional responses. But since he didn't reply to my last text, I’m afraid that messaging him again will make it look like I'm just making up an excuse to drag him back into a conversation. What do you think I should do? What is the best way to apologize to him and find out if there are specific points where he blames me, without looking needy or desperate?

Note: Don't tell me to forget about it, I really care about him. I really need ideas that will guide me to a solution...

What's the best way to sincerely apologize to someone? What should I do if they're afraid I'll argue or get emotional and are avoiding contact with me? So what should I do to show that I won't prolong the discussion? But there are also things I need to apologize for. And he's someone I care about. I value his opinions. But I came across as domineering to him before. How can I manage this situation?

Hey everyone, I just need to get this off my chest and get some outside perspective.

Recently, I’ve been talking to a guy (he was my Norwegian friend, if cultural context helps). I had very strong feelings for him and we met with an online cultural friendship app (that was not about dating app). During a conversation last week, I asked him how things were going in his life, and he honestly told me that he is currently seeing someone else.

Even though I was the one who asked, the answer completely crushed me. My emotions took over, and my brain basically errored out. Because I was dealing with a mix of sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment for being so open about my feelings, I started asking a lot of questions about his LDR criteria for relationships and long-distance dynamics.

The next day, he messaged me saying, 'I feel like you might misunderstand what I’m saying' That’s when I realized that due to my emotional state, my words probably came across as harsh, critical, or like I was questioning his decisions/trying to convince him otherwise. In reality, I was just trying to process my own heartbreak and understand his perspective, but written communication made me look completely different than who I am in real life.

I’m about to send him a final message to clarify that I never meant to judge or criticize his choices, and that I respect his decisions, before drawing back to give him space. I sent to him a message but it was not an apologize message and I didn't ask any question to him in this message. Perhaps he's afraid the matter will drag on. And he didn't respond for 3 days.

It felt like I was trying to convince him and question his decisions with my long messages. I showed him my emotional intensity through those texts, and I think that made him feel guilty. That wasn't my intention; I don’t even know why I acted that way in the moment. I should have just wished him good luck and backed off, but I let my emotions take over.

Now, I’m worried he thinks I’m just an egoistic girl who can’t accept rejection. But what hurt me wasn't the rejection itself-it was simply finding out he was seeing someone else. It disappointed me. He isn't responsible for my feelings, but I still felt a heavy emotional burden. I didn’t insult his character, but I made too many points that made it seem like I found his decisions illogical. I unintentionally used a manipulative, convincing tone. Despite that, he was still kind to me the next day and gave me time to process everything.

After 6 days of silence, I texted him, but he hasn't replied. Why do you think he is staying silent? Is he afraid the conversation will drag out, or does he just want to cut contact? Or does he view me as that egoistic girl who can't handle rejection? Since I didn't explicitly apologize in my last message, I feel like I'm coming across as arrogant, and I feel so guilty.

I really want to text him something like: 'Did I do something wrong to you? Please share your thoughts and feelings with me, because I value you. If I did or said something that crossed a line, I want to take responsibility for it.'

But since he hasn't replied to my last text for 3 days, I’m not sure if sending another message will feel like too much pressure. I’m really not good at written communication, so I’d love your advice.

Am I overthinking this? Does text communication often distort intentions this badly during a rejection? I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if anyone has experienced something similar...

TL;DR: I (F) let my emotions take over and sent intense/convincing texts after learning a guy I like (M) is seeing someone else. He was understanding towards me and gave me time and space. But I still feel guilty because of my intense messages. 6 days later i sent a long message like "no problem" vibe but I didn't apologize and he didn't write anything. He’s been silent for 3 days. I feel guilty for coming across as arrogant or egoistic-should I send a final apology or just keep the silence?

Hey everyone, I just need to get this off my chest and get some outside perspective.

Recently, I’ve been talking to a guy (he was my Norwegian friend, if cultural context helps). I had very strong feelings for him and we met with an online cultural friendship app (that was not about dating app). During a conversation last week, I asked him how things were going in his life, and he honestly told me that he is currently seeing someone else.

Even though I was the one who asked, the answer completely crushed me. My emotions took over, and my brain basically errored out. Because I was dealing with a mix of sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment for being so open about my feelings, I started asking a lot of questions about his LDR criteria for relationships and long-distance dynamics.

The next day, he messaged me saying, 'I feel like you might misunderstand what I’m saying' That’s when I realized that due to my emotional state, my words probably came across as harsh, critical, or like I was questioning his decisions/trying to convince him otherwise. In reality, I was just trying to process my own heartbreak and understand his perspective, but written communication made me look completely different than who I am in real life.

I’m about to send him a final message to clarify that I never meant to judge or criticize his choices, and that I respect his decisions, before drawing back to give him space. I sent to him a message but it was not an apologize message and I didn't ask any question to him in this message. Perhaps he's afraid the matter will drag on. And he didn't respond for 3 days.

It felt like I was trying to convince him and question his decisions with my long messages. I showed him my emotional intensity through those texts, and I think that made him feel guilty. That wasn't my intention; I don’t even know why I acted that way in the moment. I should have just wished him good luck and backed off, but I let my emotions take over.

Now, I’m worried he thinks I’m just an egoistic girl who can’t accept rejection. But what hurt me wasn't the rejection itself—it was simply finding out he was seeing someone else. It disappointed me. He isn't responsible for my feelings, but I still felt a heavy emotional burden. I didn’t insult his character, but I made too many points that made it seem like I found his decisions illogical. I unintentionally used a manipulative, convincing tone. Despite that, he was still kind to me the next day and gave me time to process everything.

After 6 days of silence, I texted him, but he hasn't replied. Why do you think he is staying silent? Is he afraid the conversation will drag out, or does he just want to cut contact? Or does he view me as that egoistic girl who can't handle rejection? Since I didn't explicitly apologize in my last message, I feel like I'm coming across as arrogant, and I feel so guilty.

I really want to text him something like: 'Did I do something wrong to you? Please share your thoughts and feelings with me, because I value you. If I did or said something that crossed a line, I want to take responsibility for it.'

But since he hasn't replied to my last text for 3 days, I’m not sure if sending another message will feel like too much pressure. I’m really not good at written communication, so I’d love your advice.

Am I overthinking this? Does text communication often distort intentions this badly during a rejection? I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if anyone has experienced something similar...

Hey everyone, I just need to get this off my chest and get some outside perspective.

Recently, I’ve been talking to a guy (he was my Norwegian friend, if cultural context helps). I had very strong feelings for him and we met with an online cultural friendship app (that was not about dating app). During a conversation last week, I asked him how things were going in his life, and he honestly told me that he is currently seeing someone else.

Even though I was the one who asked, the answer completely crushed me. My emotions took over, and my brain basically errored out. Because I was dealing with a mix of sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment for being so open about my feelings, I started asking a lot of questions about his LDR criteria for relationships and long-distance dynamics.

The next day, he messaged me saying, 'I feel like you might misunderstand what I’m saying' That’s when I realized that due to my emotional state, my words probably came across as harsh, critical, or like I was questioning his decisions/trying to convince him otherwise. In reality, I was just trying to process my own heartbreak and understand his perspective, but written communication made me look completely different than who I am in real life.

I’m about to send him a final message to clarify that I never meant to judge or criticize his choices, and that I respect his decisions, before drawing back to give him space. I sent to him a message but it was not an apologize message and I didn't ask any question to him in this message. Perhaps he's afraid the matter will drag on. And he didn't respond for 3 days.

Am I overthinking this? Does text communication often distort intentions this badly during a rejection? I’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if anyone has experienced something similar...