u/ToonTasticBoy

I’ve had a chaotic mental trajectory. I’ve attempted to end my life in the past, and last year was a total shithole. Everything went downhill. But at the beginning of this year, I decided to force a hard reset. I started picking up hobbies like tennis and tango (I suck at both since I’m a beginner, lol) and started reading Zen stories and koans. I’ve had this inner conflict: am I a Stoic, or something else? I posted on r/zenbuddhism about "letting go," but it backfired. My brain just fought it. Then, last year, I had a psychological shift. I felt exactly like a prisoner waiting to be executed, experiencing his final moments. Suddenly, I felt this profound apathy. No more pain. I realized I didn't have to worry about anything anymore. It was one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever experienced. Yesterday, it clicked permanently. I was driving my car, listening to "Stereo Love," and I forced my brain to adopt the perspective that this is my last day on earth. It was difficult to force the cognitive shift, but I made it. Everything suddenly became colorful. Life got its meaning back. It hit me: life is more fun when it is closer to death. Everything that kills me makes me feel alive. I still get haunted by the ghosts of the past, but it doesn't hit the same anymore. I just let it go. When I say to myself, "I will die tomorrow," it initiates a weird sequence. First, it makes me cry. Then, it fills me with apathy. And finally, it leaves me with immense joy. I suddenly become happy, life gets a new meaning, and I stop worrying. I originally thought this made me a Hedonist, but I've realized I'm essentially using the threat of my own death to burn away my anxiety so I can actually enjoy the present. Has anyone else experienced this specific type of psychological override?

Greetings, r/progresspics community,
I thought I’d share my experiences in case there are others among you struggling with weight issues; perhaps I can be of help or provide some motivation. I don’t know if any of you are dealing with thyroid issues (hypothyroidism), but this disease drops your metabolism to a snail's pace, making weight loss a total nightmare.
It all started during the COVID era, actually... For as long as I can remember, since childhood, I was never an overweight person. But COVID changed everything. Being stuck at home, I shot up to 100+ kilograms. As you can see in the first photo, I couldn’t even look in the mirror; I was incredibly uncomfortable with myself and my self confidence was at rock bottom.
When COVID ended, I told myself I couldn't go on like this. I started losing weight bit by bit just by walking. No matter how tired I got, how bored I felt, or how much my feet ached, I didn’t stop. First, I dropped to 80 kg, and then down to 73 kg.
After that, I needed to start the gym to tone up, but last year was truly stressful and exhausting for me. I wanted to go to the gym under normal circumstances, but I couldn't because of the prices the economy being what it is. Then I saw an ad on Instagram for an annual fee of a very cheap price. I thought, "Man, this is great," and signed up immediately. But as I said, it was such a terrible year that I couldn't go to the gym regularly at first; I couldn't find the motivation.
Toward the end of last year, I broke the cycle and started going consistently. This will be my fourth consecutive month, and I've finally started to reap the rewards of my labor (you can see them in the photos) There is one more detail I noticed during this process: I focused on the things I could change rather than the things I couldn't. I can't make the disease disappear instantly or magically speed up my metabolism, but whether or not I go to the gym and what I eat and drink is entirely in my hands.
The hardest part of this journey was the slow weight loss due to hypothyroidism, but if I’ve learned one thing, it’s this: "What shatters a rock is not the instantaneous force of the water, but the endless persistence and consistency of the droplets."
I hope this post provides you with some motivation and encourages you to take that first step. Remember, actions are far more effective than thoughts. Don’t wait until tomorrow get up and do it now. If you have any questions, I’ll answer them below.

Inosuke Hashibira, Demon Slayer

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