u/TopRegister7338

I have been masturbating like crazy for the past 25 days, and I honestly think I've done it more than 120 times, although I've completely lost count. On most days, it's around 6–7 times a day. At this point, it doesn't even feel like a conscious decision anymore. It's like my body goes into autopilot, and before I realize it, I've done it again. I know I should stop, and every time I tell myself, "This is the last time," but a few hours later I'm back to doing it again.

The strange thing is that I wasn't always like this. A while ago, I managed to quit completely using the cold turkey method and stayed away from it for 30 days. I thought I had finally gotten control over myself. However, after a disappointing personal incident, I relapsed. Since then, things have spiraled out of control, and I feel like I've completely lost my ability to resist the urge.

Over the same period, my entire daily routine has fallen apart. I'm barely eating proper meals, my sleep schedule is a mess, and I'm only getting around 4 hours of proper sleep most nights. I stay on my phone until very late at night, wake up late, and spend most of my day scrolling through social media or watching random content. One day, my screen time even reached 18 hours, which shocked me because the remaining time was basically just eating, using the bathroom, and getting a little sleep. Even on normal days, my average screen time is around 10 hours. I haven't been productive at all, and I haven't done any meaningful work during this period.

It feels like everything is connected. I scroll on my phone for hours, get exposed to triggers or just become bored, masturbate, then feel guilty, continue scrolling, stay up late, sleep very little, wake up tired, and repeat the exact same cycle. Because I'm constantly sleep-deprived and mentally exhausted, resisting the urge feels almost impossible. It's like my self-control has disappeared.

I don't think masturbation itself is the only problem anymore. It feels like my entire lifestyle has become unhealthy at the same time. My sleep, eating habits, screen time, motivation, and self-discipline have all collapsed together. Right now, I genuinely feel like I'm operating on autopilot instead of making conscious decisions.

Has anyone else experienced something similar where multiple bad habits snowballed at once? If you managed to get out of it, what actually helped? I'm not looking for quick fixes or magic solutions—I just want practical advice on how to regain control of my routine and stop feeling like I'm trapped in this cycle.

Edit:I normally do these but now it's a different case and its too much, to be honest I am in this state after finding my crush sleeping with someone else.

Edit:Ever after its paining down there I can't stop myself.

There is a girl who lives next door, and I used to have a crush on her. When I initially asked if she had a boyfriend, she said no and claimed she wasn't looking for one. She explained that her family would never accept it due to caste differences. She added that she was mature now, regretting past mistakes, and mocked relationships by saying, "What is there even to talk about anyway, just 'did you eat'?" On another day, she mentioned her family would kill her if they caught her hanging out with male friends. Later, when I saw a guy coming over and joked, "you are enjoying your life," she told me not to say that because it "demotivated" her. She added that she could only hang out like this now because she wouldn't be allowed to see other people after marriage. Another time, she asked me to suggest places to hang out with that same guy. When I didn't answer, she looked up a reels video showing date spots and reacted with disgust, saying, "Yuck!" She even claimed she couldn't stand seeing couples holding hands on the street. Recently, I found out the truth: that guy has been her boyfriend for the past six months, and they are of different castes. Right now, she is having a sleepover with him in the very next room. I am completely shocked. Everything she told me was a massive lie.

There is a girl living next to my room, and over time I started developing feelings for her. At first, we only had small conversations, but one day we talked for around 4 hours, and I felt a stronger connection. During that conversation, I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said she didn’t have one (my sister had also asked her before and she gave the same answer), so I believed she was single. She told me she had a past relationship, but it was long-distance and they never met personally. She asked me about my relationship status too, and I said I didn’t have anyone. I also suggested she date someone because I wanted to understand if she was interested in dating or not.

She told me she was not interested in dating at that time because she was busy with her job and didn’t have time. When I asked about her past breakup, she first said it was because of long distance, but later she explained that she was planning to go abroad with that person and wanted to tell her sister and brother-in-law. They got angry, scolded the guy, and then he blocked her. She said she felt she was immature before and now she understands relationships differently. She also said she doesn’t like relationships where someone is controlling or possessive. Hearing this, I thought she was mature and I respected her mindset.

After around 2 weeks, a guy came to her room. I noticed she locked the door, which felt strange because she had male friends visit before but never locked the door like that. The day before, I had heard her talking to someone and saying something like, “He (me) wants me to date,” so I started wondering if my suggestion about dating had somehow affected things. I became stressed and confused. The guy stayed in her room for a long time, and later they went out together. After that, I noticed she was not talking with me the same way as before. She used to joke and talk openly, but now she seemed distant, and she was also talking on the phone late at night, which affected my sleep.

I didn’t confront her because I wasn’t sure what was happening. The guy came again the next week. Before he came, she talked with me normally, but after he arrived, she again locked the door. After some time, I couldn’t control my curiosity and knocked on her balcony door with an excuse. When I looked inside, I saw the guy sleeping in her bed felt shocked and hurt because I still couldn’t understand the situation. I had asked her before if she was with someone, but she denied it. She also replied a little rudely to me that time, so I went back to my room and told my sister what happened.

I then went out of the city for 3 days. During that time, the guy came again. Before he came, my sister talked with her and asked about him. She finally told my sister that he was her boyfriend and that they had been together for around 6 months. She also explained many things, including that her boyfriend got angry when I knocked on the door. When I returned, my sister told me everything, and I was honestly in disbelief because I thought she was single.

My sister explained that she hid the relationship because in her past she had told everyone about her boyfriend and things went badly, so this time she didn’t want to announce it. Now the guy keeps coming, and I feel jealous and hurt seeing it. After I returned, she avoided eye contact and barely talked with me for about a week. Later she started talking normally again sometimes, but she continues bringing him around, and I keep staying in my room thinking about everything. I feel stuck because I can’t understand what happened and I’m struggling to move on.

There is a girl living next to my room, and over time I started developing feelings for her. At first, we only had small conversations, but one day we talked for around 4 hours, and I felt a stronger connection. During that conversation, I asked if she had a boyfriend. She said she didn’t have one (my sister had also asked her before and she gave the same answer), so I believed she was single. She told me she had a past relationship, but it was long-distance and they never met personally. She asked me about my relationship status too, and I said I didn’t have anyone. I also suggested she date someone because I wanted to understand if she was interested in dating or not.

She told me she was not interested in dating at that time because she was busy with her job and didn’t have time. When I asked about her past breakup, she first said it was because of long distance, but later she explained that she was planning to go abroad with that person and wanted to tell her sister and brother-in-law. They got angry, scolded the guy, and then he blocked her. She said she felt she was immature before and now she understands relationships differently. She also said she doesn’t like relationships where someone is controlling or possessive. Hearing this, I thought she was mature and I respected her mindset.

After around 2 weeks, a guy came to her room. I noticed she locked the door, which felt strange because she had male friends visit before but never locked the door like that. The day before, I had heard her talking to someone and saying something like, “He (me) wants me to date,” so I started wondering if my suggestion about dating had somehow affected things. I became stressed and confused. The guy stayed in her room for a long time, and later they went out together. After that, I noticed she was not talking with me the same way as before. She used to joke and talk openly, but now she seemed distant, and she was also talking on the phone late at night, which affected my sleep.

I didn’t confront her because I wasn’t sure what was happening. The guy came again the next week. Before he came, she talked with me normally, but after he arrived, she again locked the door. After some time, I couldn’t control my curiosity and knocked on her balcony door with an excuse. When I looked inside, I saw the guy sleeping in her bed (They were kissing) felt shocked and hurt because I still couldn’t understand the situation. I had asked her before if she was with someone, but she denied it. She also replied a little rudely to me that time, so I went back to my room and told my sister what happened.

I then went out of the city for 3 days. During that time, the guy came again. Before he came, my sister talked with her and asked about him. She finally told my sister that he was her boyfriend and that they had been together for around 6 months. She also explained many things, including that her boyfriend got angry when I knocked on the door. When I returned, my sister told me everything, and I was honestly in disbelief because I thought she was single.

My sister explained that she hid the relationship because in her past she had told everyone about her boyfriend and things went badly, so this time she didn’t want to announce it. Now the guy keeps coming, and I feel jealous and hurt seeing it. After I returned, she avoided eye contact and barely talked with me for about a week. Later she started talking normally again sometimes, but she continues bringing him around, and I keep staying in my room thinking about everything. I feel stuck because I can’t understand what happened and I’m struggling to move on.

Edit 1:I am avoiding many details cause it will be long.

However, one thing remains deeply unsettling to me. I understand that these are private matters, but why did she feel the need to exaggerate or make excuses? She said things like, 'there is nothing left to talk about in our relationship,' 'I don't have time,' 'my family won't allow it,' or 'I was young back then, but I am an adult now.' All of these statements initially gave me a very positive impression of her. But later, I found out the total opposite was true.

Edit 2:At some point she was going to move out (before I know she has bf) due to family reason and I was like God please make her stay(I was literally praying everyday for her to stay),and she stayed,but see what is happening now.