u/Totally-Not-Femboy

i used to play a bit of guitar years ago early in highschool. i never got very good at it and and fast-forward until after school and ive forgetting literally everything i learnt. i still have my guitars and ive taken decent care of them i think, lately ive been wanting to get back into playing. only issue is now im incredibly self conscious about literally everything and im too embarrassed of my family hearing me learn. now i know theres obvious solutions to avoid them, i would just learn on my electric guitar as they're more quiet but i much prefer acoustic. i mainly just want to hear similar experiences and how yall got over it.

Its really starting to get to me. Im 19 years old and not once have i ever had a partner. ive only ever mustered up the courage to get close to 1 person when i was in school and i got rejected before i even asked. idk lately ive just be so sad, ik i dont have it that bad but it still makes me cry myself to sleep sometimes. halfway through my last year of highschool i moved away from that area, the 3 friends i have are too far away to see often, and everyone at the place i work are old enough to be my parent. i havent even seen most of my friends since i graduated a couple of years ago. normally i get through the days without stressing over it too much but then out of nowhere i just break down. I dont have anyone im comfortable to talk to about this. i dont even know what im trying to get out of this post. i just dont know how i can go on much longer.

the other day me and 2 friends got together at one of their houses to drink (the femboys house). im a deeply closeted femboy but since ive know this guy for pretty much my whole life ive hinted at it before. that night while we were drinking i found out hes a femboy. i saw his clothes and makeup bag and everything. my issue is how i found out though. it was brought up by the other friend, who showed me photos the femboy had sent him with his permission. ive hinted to being/ wanting to be a femboy and hes my longest friend, but i wasnt close enough for him to tell me this. it genuinely makes me want to cry whenever i think about it. id like to talk to him about femboy things and get advice but deep down i'll know that he only let me in after what was essentially peer pressure. after this happened i brought up my insecurities and how they stopped me from opening up as a femboy (my weight. im only 72kg but thats not light enough to give me the build i want). he talked about how i can be one even if i didnt have the stereotypical build. he even complimented me by saying i already have a feminine face. he doesnt remember most of that night though so im still insecure about talking to him about it all.

what do you guys think about this?

This is my longest friend, we jokingly flirt with each other and make jokes about freaky shit constantly. the other day we were drinking quite a bit, and at some point I asked him if I could suck his dick that night as it was something I've always wanted to do and he revealed that he's actually slept with dudes before. He agreed and was really kinda about but I'm not sure if that was the alcohol talking. We keep drinking but he blacks out before we even begin to do anything and now it's been on my mind since. We didn't talk about what we agreed to the next morning but as far as I'm aware we both remember. I'm worried that he only agreed in the moment because he was drunk and without alcohol in my system I'm too nervous to directly ask him... I'm sad that I missed the opportunity and we don't hang out in person too much, I'm worried that I'll bring it up and see if he's still down but he'll just laugh it off. (I'm only really so down bad to suck him off because another close friend of mine did a while ago, so I figured he'd be down which he was in the moment). Anyway, what do you guys think? And how do you think I could go about bringing it up again?

lately ive been noticing how bad my hair. its fine and has little volume, my hairline is naturally receded, i have a double crown the forces my hair in directions i hate and makes me look like the entire top back of my head is balding. every time i look at it i hate myself. i grew out my hair because i like longer hair but my hair is so shitty i cant do anything i want with it. this has all gotten to the point where its impacting my mental health more than it ever should. ive tried so many different styling products to try and give it more volume but nothing works, i just dont have enough hair. im thinking about trying finasteride to keep what i have as my older brothers are losing their hair already and all the adults in my family lost their hair, even my mum has incredibly fine hair.

This post is mostly just a vent post, but please let me know how you guys deal with this if you have similar issues.

I've been a bit overweight for like half of my life, not too sure when it started. I'm currently 72kg at 19 years old and about 5'10, I haven't been gaining any weight but I haven't lost any either.

I want to know what some of you did to gather enough will power to maintain a good enough calorie deficit, because every time I tell myself I will, I fold the next day. Its like I constantly need something to chew on and it's pretty annoying, when I'm bored in my room I find myself looking through the pantry for anything to snack on, or when I feel like getting up and walking around the house aimlessly I end up using food as an excuse. I've tried using gum to satisfy that but it didn't really work.

So yeah, how did y'all end up losing weight? What stopped you from eating if you had a similar situation to mine?

Do y'all have any advice on how to make female friends? I'm not in school anymore (19) and at my work the only girls are as old/older than my mother. When I was in school I was socially awkward (still probably am a bit) and was kinda bullied since mid primary school so the only friends I had were similarly awkward people. I don't have many interesting hobbies that get me out to socialise so I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't even know how to make guy friends that feel like a real friendship... I feel like even if I did somehow get a girl friend it wouldn't last as I doubt they'd be interested in anything I do.

Sorry if this is a common post, when I was looking for advice everyone seemed like they were in school/college and already had a way to meet new people so it didn't help me.

I want to use some makeup to make my eyes a bit more feminine and cover up the dark circles under them, where should i start? any brand recommendations? i want to make it very subtle