Hopefully this provides understanding to those of you who have a hard time with the idea of directional speakers. I'm a TI and I'll be posting more enlightened stuff. We will prevail.
I've been the architect of my own psychosis, and oblivious to it until today, hence the horrific nature of it and the pain that's ensued thus far. I find patterns in my drawings and take the connections very seriously (apophenia), and thus shape my reality. But perhaps I wasn't the only architect... saying "Architect of Psychosis" is like saying "Shaper of Shadow", and I'm as certain now as I was a year or so ago that my Id, my Shadow Self (Repressed, unwanted mental contents. Inner animal. Whatever you wanna call it) was in ways, shaped, by myself unconsciously but also my neighbor when I lived in Oroville, who is a known, fourth degree Freemason who slept with my ex, who knew everything about me after me and her parted on the worst terms, and had even told me she'd tell everybody my business, because karma hit her for some messed up shit she did to me, with him. I just need other opinions, different perspectives on this. You won't hurt my feelings.
And if I can shape my reality like this, and somebody else can shape it, too, if I'm not careful.. that coupled with the theory that reality is just a big, five sensory, shared hallucination, and the theory that everybody is technically insane anyways.. could this be more a gift than a mental disorder if you can shape your reality how you'd like via artistic expression like these drawings, using apophenia and delusions to your advantage?
So l need some help here, I wanted to be a Freemason since I was a child, okay. When I lived in Oroville Ca at base camp village apartments, my neighbor Joey aka Silent, a known Freemason, got angry with me and turned my shadow against me. I thought it was demon possession but it turns out it's a tweak of psychology. I got screwed over in the worst ways. And now I'm going crazy and drawing these weird pictures and I don't even know how I made this geometric map thing.. message me for more, I'm honestly terrified of myself and now the Masons. I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do and just going crazy. Any responses of any sort may help I just need to understand this. I've been doing Shadow work to try and fix this, after reading about it online.
People are used to me as I was broken, so when I get better and do things like dance and sing and just, be happy, they think I'm high. It's SOMEWHAT forgivable because of my history using meth but otherwise not, because I don't use meth anymore. So now I'm just happy - FINALLY, after literally years of hell living on the streets as a junkie thinking I'd never get better - and it just so happens that that resembles me being high. I won't stay the same - regress - because that's what people are not just used to, but comfortable seeing. I'm thinking of my mother specifically, she took me in at the end of my drug binge which I am extremely grateful for, but now after a couple months or so, I'm starting to feel better, better than ever, in fact, as of late, but not so much right now because she thinks I'm getting high again. I asked her point blank what makes her think that, and she just said "fine, you're not, I gotta go", after telling me I have to move out soon and to basically just figure it out, abruptly, which took me by complete surprise because the original idea - her idea - was that I'd stay until we could find a place for me with my SSI.. a reward of sorts for getting clean. So after writing this, I've gained some clarity, and so I'm just going to move out. But I have to ask, to anyone who will lend their eyes, why is this such a widespread thing? Because I have it in my mind the people are.. well, I'm chalking it up to jealousy and those people just not being happy themselves or being addicts and longing to be high again or something. I just need second opinions because this might be part of the reason addiction is so prevalent and I do want to help the world in what ways I can as well.