u/TravelingCuddleBoard

Hey, so I had a pretty good streak for once, maybe a bit over 3 weeks. In the end, the obsessive thoughts drove me to relapse.

For example, the thought that “i can watch porn right now enters my mind”, now I must argue the thought “no I have other stuff to do, i said I’m done with this…”

Sometimes this arguing process freezes me in place literally. I sit there staring at the wall trying to convince myself to walk away. For the last 3 weeks I’ve won every time.

However, today I won the internal argument as usual. I wen’t to the library to go study. The whole time the thought and urges were so loud. It genuinely feels like I have a sickness? The argument continues tirelessly until I’m so mentally exhausted I give in. I left the library early out of pure desperation to go home and PMO.

I’ve quit many addictions, nicotine, thc, benzos, but this is impossible. I forget about the drugs after a while but this only addiction becomes stronger the longer I abstain. I’m fighting a battle I can’t win. I’m a powerlifter so I constantly lift heavy weight and eat in a calorie surplus so my libido is always through the roof.

I know I feel better without it. I know it’s bad for me. This shit is just so tiring though. I desperately try to find other purpose in my life, nothing can fill the intense void that porn left behind it seems (other than a real woman)

How do I get my brain to just shut the fuck up and leave me alone?

For the last 3 weeks I was talking to a beautiful women. We connected very well. As soon as we started talking, it’s like the urge to masturbate vanished.

I didn’t even think about masturbating for 3 weeks, all my energy went into her.

I have been lonely and depressed for a very long time, this woman made me so happy.

Today, it ended. Words were exchanged and she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. For my own mental health, i’m not blaming myself or her right now, just accepting it wasn’t meant to be.

For once in my life i felt fulfilled.

For once in my life i felt I didn’t need porn or masturbation, abstinence was effortless.

Now it’s over. I’m alone again. I can’t find my own fulfillment. I pour so much energy into the gym, i want to compete, i love it. Why do I still feel so empty inside.

Why do I need someone to love me to be happy and feel fulfilled in life? Surely theres a way to be happy on my own right?

The only thing that is stopping me from suicide tonight is a single belief. If God wants to make a man powerful he does not crown him immediately, he breaks him first, takes away his spirit and soul, until all that is left is what is real. My spirit is not broken, I want to be happy one more time. Someone help me please

Safety concerns? Benefits?

I’d wait until after the workout to take the vyvanse but then I can’t sleep as well at night, the earlier the better.

Hello,

I am entering my 3rd year as a pure math major at SBU with a 3.2 GPA, however my GPA in my 200 level math courses are a 3.5. I have my A.S in Computer Science from SCCC. I am eventually looking to enter the AMS MS program at SBU.

I was rejected from the AMS B.S, which didn't bother me too much because I am excited to study pure math. I like machine learning/AI, I am currently doing CSE 487 at SBU as I was accepted through word of mouth after recieving a scholarship at SCCC.

I know my GPA in unimpressive, however I adjusted my living situation in a way that will allow me to completely focus on school for the next few years, I have high hopes that I will at least have a high upper division GPA before applying.

I would like to pursue the statistics track.

Best electives to take?

Advice reguarding letters of reccomendation?

Research opportunities?

Backup plan that could land me in the AI field?

Is pursuing pure math masters/phd viable?

Thank you.