u/TurbulentMinute4290

Hey everyone,

I’m posting here because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, and I’m hoping to find some perspective, advice, or just a community that understands. I keep being told that maybe God is trying to teach me patience. But I’ve been patient. I’ve been waiting. Right now, I don’t know what He is trying to do, or if I’m doing something wrong, because it feels like every single door is closing.

I turned 25 on May 10th. I want to live on my own, have a career, and eventually start a family, but right now, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Here is everything that has been happening over the last year and a half:

Last year in February, my dog was diagnosed with cancer on her left hip, and in March, we found out she had only 4 to 18 months to live. Around that same time, my hours at my old job ($15.50/hr) dropped drastically down to just 1 or 2 days a week. By late May, my dog got incredibly sick, throwing up and not eating. After multiple frantic vet and emergency vet visits, it was ruled as pancreatitis.

On May 21st, I interviewed at a place my aunt worked at (a local greenhouse/outdoor business in Woodstock). I put in my two weeks at my old job, but it was that Friday, June 6th, that I was messaging back and forth with the vet clinic. I was incredibly stressed, trying to email them while in the middle of working because I had to go straight from work to pick up my dog from a 24-hour emergency clinic hours away otherwise, it would have cost an extra $1,000 on top of a massive bill.

I started the new greenhouse job on June 9th, but it was incredibly frustrating. The owner/manager barely communicated with or trained me. Later that month, around June 26th (my brother's graduation), my dog took a severe turn for the worst. I had prayed to God to show me a sign if it was her time to go, meaning I thought I'd have to put her down. Instead, we came home from graduation, she had labored breathing, and because the nearest emergency vets were full or too far away, she passed away right there on the couch. God made it clear it was her time, so I was at peace with that, but losing her hurt deeply.

Shortly after, my hours at the greenhouse were cut. I was told not to come in for days at a time, only to go in, work 2 to 3 hours, and get sent home. On July 24th, the owner had someone else tell me I was being let go because there was nowhere to put me that best suits the company. Meanwhile, they hired a 15-year-old kid to do the exact outdoor work I could have been doing.

Since then, I have applied to 27 different places and put in 50 to 60+ applications. I’ve done three interviews. I was flat-out told by an artisan bakery that they wouldn't hire me because I didn't have the skills, yet they refused to train me. My aunt recently tried to get me a job helping a man with COPD with food prep, cleaning, and groceries for $25/hr, but he just ended up in the hospital. My aunt was pissed about losing out on money, which I found disrespectful. I don't care about the money, I care about the person. But it means I'm still left without a job. My bank account is draining, and I'm stressed about keeping my phone active just so employers can call me.

I don't have my driver's license yet, which makes finding a job even harder since I can't afford to live on a bus route. My mom had neck surgery last year and shoulder surgery this past April 27th, so I've had to help her out. I tried to get my license last fall, taking the road test once in September, twice in October, and once in November. I failed all four times, and my 5-hour course expired. I retook the course on April 4th, but my dad doesn't give me the time of day to practice parallel parking or three-point turns. To make it worse, he tells me I'm not an adult because I don't have a job, completely ignoring how hard I am trying.

My relationship life has been a cycle of heartbreak. I got a girlfriend last May, but she dumped me after I lost my job. She got back with me in September but made zero effort to hang out, constantly claiming she was busy. We video chatted so I know she was real, I even saw her graduation video, but all I got were hi, bye, I love you texts. I finally left because there was no effort.

On November 10th, I met someone new who was amazing. She actually gave me the time of day and wanted to communicate. We both believed in God, and she even started watching my church's livestreams. She gained guardianship of herself and moved to New York near me on February 1st. She started attending church with me on February 8th, but this past week, she dumped me. She said the loud noises and random hallelujahs at church were a trigger for her. I spent what little money I had to DoorDash her food when she needed it, and went to church food pantries to make sure she could eat. I don't care about the money I spent, but I care about the time and effort I invested, only to be abandoned again.

It feels impossible to find people my own age (20 to 27) around here. A young adults Bible study I joined ended last February because people stopped showing up.

I am just so tired of trying. I don't want to die, I am terrified of the thought of no longer existing, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm watching my bank account drain, I still owe my dad money from past expenses that I can't pay back, and I feel like no woman will ever think I'm worth her time.

I’m trying to trust God, but what is He doing? Am I doing something wrong? Why does it feel like I am trapped in a loop of failure no matter how hard I try? Any prayers, advice, or words of encouragement would mean the world.

TL;DR: I'm 25 and feel completely stuck. Over the last year, my dog died of cancer, I was pushed out of two jobs (and rejected by 50 to 60+ applications since), failed my driving test 4 times with no one willing to help me practice, and have been dumped twice by girls I put all my effort into. I can't find friends my age, my dad tells me I'm not an adult, and my bank account is draining. I am trying to trust God, but I am lost, exhausted, and don't understand what He is trying to teach me anymore.

I need some real perspective. I just turned 25 years old on May 10th, 2026. My girlfriend and I started dating on November 10th, 2025. She recently in February escaped a highly abusive home, traveling 665 miles on multiple buses to be with me. This followed a brutal legal battle where she was granted her own guardianship in September, only for her adoptive mother to illegally take it back in December. We love each other so much, but our faiths are hitting a massive wall. I am not sure what to do. I don't wanna leave her cause I love her but I also don't want to be unequally yoked as well.

She is in total survival mode right now, wandering through warming centers and shelters here in New York just trying to find a safe place to exist. She has clinically diagnosed trauma induced atypical anorexia from severe childhood food deprivation and weight shaming. She was also forced to raise her baby sister from the time she was 5 until she was 17, and views her as her own child. Right now, she is completely overwhelmed with survival guilt because her sister graduates high school this June 7th in the exact town she had to flee from.

On top of this, she was put on an intensive pharmaceutical regimen as a kid because they thought she was manic. This lifelong routine included heavy medications like Buspar three times a day, Prazosin nightly, Lybalvi, and Lamictal. Because of her current financial starvation, shelter situations, and housing instability, this entire medical routine has completely collapsed, leaving her biology highly sensitive and fighting a daily physical battle just to survive.

When it comes to her faith, she explicitly believes in only one God, but she follows Creation Spirituality and does not identify as Christian. Her beliefs focus on Original Blessing instead of original sin, meaning she believes people and nature are fundamentally good from the start. She lives this out through four paths: enjoying the earth and physical strength as prayer (Via Positiva), treating dark times and flashbacks as spaces to heal at her own pace (Via Negativa), using art and poetry as a sacred outlet (Via Creativa), and setting fierce boundaries against disrespect (Via Transformativa).

Here is the conflict. I am a devout Christian. I believe in putting God first and giving Him the glory in everything, especially my strength. I believe Jesus is God, the I Am, who died for our sins, rose again on the 3rd day, and will return. Because of this, I believe everyone is a sinner who needs a Savior. Even though she believes in one God, her framework completely replaces the cross and original sin, which feels fundamentally against the Bible.

This is hitting me when I am already emotionally empty. Last February, my dog got a lump on her hip that turned out to be cancer. Between short handed hours at work and dealing with her complications like pancreatitis and infection, it was a nightmare before she passed away on June 26th, 2025. Since then, I changed jobs, lost that employment, and have been drowning trying to find stable work.

We are both completely exhausted. I am terrified of what might happen if I walk away. Because of her intense trauma, the shelter instability, the collapse of her medication routine, and her current vulnerability, I am so scared she might do something drastic if I leave. I love her and want her to be safe, and I am terrified that if I leave, she is not going to want any of the help anymore. She will just try to do things all on her own, refuse support, and get probably massively depressed.

I really need help from the community on how to separate these two things. How do I separate her intense, urgent survival and mental health needs from our theological relationship conflict? Is this a relationship I should stay in when our core beliefs clash this heavily, or how do I navigate loving someone this vulnerable without being unequally yoked?

TL;DR: I am 25 and my girlfriend escaped an abusive home and an illegal guardianship battle, traveling 665 miles to be with me, and is currently navigating New York warming centers and shelters. Since childhood, she was put on heavy medications (Buspar, Prazosin, Lybalvi, and Lamictal) because they thought she was manic, a routine that has now completely collapsed. She believes in one God but follows Creation Spirituality, focusing on human goodness and Original Blessing. I am a devout Christian who believes everyone is a sinner and that salvation comes through Jesus alone. I am torn because I love her and do not want to leave her, but I also do not want to be unequally yoked. I am already completely exhausted from losing my dog to cancer last year and facing severe job instability. I need help separating her extreme trauma and shelter needs from our religious compatibility, because I am terrified that if I leave, she will refuse all help, try to do it alone, and do something drastic. How do I handle this?

I am looking for some outside perspective on a situation that happened recently at a church service that was being broadcast publicly on Facebook Live. Some people might feel it is disrespectful to share personal history on the internet, but I believe this specific context is absolutely necessary to truly evaluate how severe the church's actions were.

My girlfriend is a severe trauma survivor with trauma and CPTSD related autism. She survived years of severe parental neglect, physical abuse, and extreme food deprivation growing up. She was subjected to a household where she was strictly forbidden from eating or entering the kitchen, forced to tiptoe around to steal food just to survive, and physically punished at the dinner table.

On top of this, she was forced to take on massive parental responsibilities before she was even five years old. She was the only one who was always there for her younger sister, literally doing everything for her from the time her sister was only three days old until she was almost 17. She always showed up for her, taught her how to read, taught her math, helped with homework, taught her about girl issues when it was time, taught her how to shave, and taught her how to do her makeup. She even helped her pick out her cats, taught her how to take care of them properly, and taught her how to ride a bike. She did all of that and plenty more for both her sister and her younger cousin.

Right now, she is completely overwhelmed because all of these milestones are hitting at once. Three weeks ago, her younger cousin graduated. May 30th is her sister's 20th birthday, and June 7th her sister graduates high school in the exact same town where my girlfriend had to get on a Greyhound bus to flee the state just to stay alive. June 13th is her own birthday, and she is carrying immense trauma and guilt, feeling like she abandoned them and deserves to be alone because she left without saying a word. Some people treat her like a kid or view her as immature, but she was forced to act as a full adult before age five, survived a lifetime of horror, and had to escape just to survive. She never got a chance to relax, and all she wants is peace.

She also faced severe psychological and medical abuse, resulting in 25 psychiatric hospital placements in less than 4 years where she frequently experienced being physically pinned down and restrained by large groups of staff. Desperate to escape her family, she ran away, which unfortunately landed her in a highly abusive situation with an individual she did not know well who forced himself into her life and coerced a non-consensual relationship for four years. She never officially or consensually dated him, but she was trapped because she had no other options.

To rescue her from this cycle, a Michigan court ordered her to a domestic violence shelter, and she moved 655 miles to New York in February to finally be safe with me. Instead, the local systems completely failed her:

The Warming Center: After being denied entry to the DV shelter for being out of state, she was sent to a local warming center. It was almost entirely populated by alcoholics and drug addicts people she felt deeply bad for and wanted to help, but she couldn't help everyone, making it incredibly overwhelming. There were sex offenders and pedophiles present, and she could literally count on one hand how many genuine people without an addiction were there. Specific incidents included her being drugged at the center, and a man violently punching holes in the walls because he lost a phone he had stolen.

The Homeless Shelter: She was then moved to a regular homeless shelter that operated essentially as a rehab facility, mostly for people with alcohol problems, requiring her to be breathalyzed every single time she entered. The environment was highly unstable; one resident had thrown her baby in a dumpster and walked around lying about being pregnant again, giving graphic details. Staff members were often former addicts or had severe mental health conditions themselves, and they actively protected individuals with active arrest warrants. Furthermore, my girlfriend faced constant stalking and a total lack of privacy; residents would watch her through practically see-through doors while she showered, did her hair, or did her makeup, and then spread malicious rumors about her. Staff also repeatedly neglected her severe, documented medical dietary needs since she cannot eat red meat, dairy, high sodium, or artificial sweeteners, while telling her to keep her EpiPen on her.

The Hidden Camera Incident: Shortly before leaving, another resident asked her to check the bathroom because they feared they were being watched. My girlfriend discovered a hidden camera in the bathroom and called the police, but the shelter staff removed the camera before pictures or official evidence could be secured

Financial Exploitation and Forced Labor: Despite being on SSI, she was pressured by the shelter into taking a retail bakery job. The hours forced her to walk home alone at night in the dark because there was no public transportation. Furthermore, the shelter illegally overcharged her, taking way more than the standard 30% of her income.

The Wrongful Eviction: On April 17th, she was abruptly evicted. The shelter paperwork falsely claimed she had been discharged on April 1st, which was a complete fabrication; on April 5th, my family and my pastor’s wife had picked her up directly from the shelter to see a movie and brought her back there. That Monday, DSS even confirmed via phone what the real situation was with her shelter residency. Ultimately, the shelter used a malicious lie about her hygiene, which actually belonged to her roommate who refused to bathe, to justify kicking her out because they disliked that she stood up for herself.

She was previously dealt with severe dissociative amnesia from this compounded stress now better, and is currently forced to live out of a local motel. The living conditions are incredibly difficult. She must check in with DSS every two weeks just to stay there. The motel room water is heavily contaminated with sulfur and takes 40 minutes just to warm up from freezing cold, making basic bathing an immense physical struggle. Furthermore, the room is restricted to a tiny, inadequate mini fridge, and the door lock only works from the outside, meaning she cannot properly secure her room from the inside.

This past Sunday, she went to church with me just trying to find a moment of peace. The pastor did not know every single detail of her past since she only feels comfortable sharing everything with me, but the pastor was explicitly aware that she has CPTSD and requires clear boundaries. In fact, the church leadership had previously instructed her that if she ever felt a panic response coming on, she needed to immediately get up and walk away to the restroom to calm down.

During the service, she became extremely anxious. To try and ground herself, she began using a Light Up Crazy Ball a textured white rubber sensory fidget toy with colorful raised bumps. Inside this outer shell is a smaller, separate core mechanism that flashes with vibrant LED lights when it is impacted or tapped. The light felt like the only thing that could calm her down in that moment, so she was using her teeth to try and pry open the rubber shell to get that small, flashing core out into her hand where she could interact with it for safety. Because of the intense physical pressure, the plastic core suddenly slipped and flung toward the front of the room. It was a complete, clumsy physical accident.

In her panic, she began speaking out loud to explain it was an accident something she involuntarily does without even realizing it when she is under extreme stress. Instead of handling it with grace, the pastor used his platform in front of the entire congregation and the live stream audience to publicly address her, saying that chewing on it was not an accident. Suddenly finding everyone staring at her, she was terrified of what was already happening. She backed away, grabbed my arm in a panic, and stood up to head to the restroom to calm down, following the exact protocol the church leadership had given her.

As she tried to step away, the pastor asked in front of everyone if she wanted them to pray over her. Right there in front of the whole room, she clearly and directly responded, "No, no," trying to desperately stop the situation before it escalated. Instead of respecting her boundary, the pastor turned to the congregation and the live stream and publicly declared that she did not want to be set free. They completely ignored her refusal and forced the prayer anyway, later claiming that because her response was "disrespectful," they had no obligation to respect her boundaries. This situation immediately led to church staff stalking her into the restroom, cornering her three to one, she ended up leaving her phone behind, and physically blockading the door to keep her from escaping, sending her into a severe trauma response down the hall immediately following the broadcast.

To see a church leadership team weaponize an autistic sensory grounding method, call a traumatized young woman a liar over a physical accident, publicly humiliate her on a live stream, and then physically trap her in a bathroom for following the exact instructions they gave her feels like an egregious case of spiritual, psychological, and physical abuse.

Is this kind of control standard practice in some churches, or is it as completely toxic as it feels? How can a leadership team justify overriding a clear no from a person they know has CPTSD, and is it appropriate to do this especially when it was live for anyone to see? I would appreciate any neutral insight.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is a severe trauma survivor with trauma and CPTSD related autism. She grew up enduring horrific starvation and extreme childhood parentification, forced to raise her infant sister and cousin before she was even five years old. Right now, her sister and cousin are graduating back home, triggering massive trauma and survival guilt over having to flee on a Greyhound bus to save her own life. After escaping 25 psychiatric hospital placements and a forced non-consensual relationship, she faced severe exploitation within the local New York shelter system. This included a high-risk warming center where she was drugged and exposed to sex offenders, a homeless shelter run like a rehab where she was stalked through see-through bathroom doors, a hidden camera violation, illegal financial overcharging, and a fraudulent eviction. She is currently forced to live in a motel with non-functioning indoor locks and sulfur water. This past Sunday at church, she was using her teeth on a textured white sensory ball with colorful bumps, trying to extract the smaller flashing LED core inside to ground herself through a panic attack. The core accidentally slipped and flung forward. The pastor publicly addressed her on Facebook Live, calling it intentional. When she tried to step out to calm down—following the exact safety rule the church gave her—the pastor forced a public prayer on her after she explicitly said, No, no. Church staff then stalked her into the restroom, snatched her phone, and physically blockaded the door. Is it appropriate for a church to do this?

Hey everyone, I wanted to open up a serious and heavy discussion about a major crisis facing the Christian music industry, and how we as believers are supposed to handle the music left behind when an artist completely walks away from the Lord.

It is incredibly easy for public figures to act Christian in interviews, use all the right theological buzzwords around other believers, and put on a massive show for the public while their hearts are completely somewhere else. We’ve seen this happen for years. A huge historical example is George Perdikis, one of the co-founders of the Newsboys, who later admitted he was living a total lie, came out as an atheist, and exposed how the industry forces people to maintain a "Christian image" just to sell records.

Even when you look at a group like dc Talk, the members ended up in totally different places. Kevin Max openly deconstructed into what he calls an "exvangelical," while Michael Tait stayed in the mainstream spotlight fronting the Newsboys, speaking out boldly in interviews against deconstruction and warning people to stick to the Word. But it makes you realize how heavy that famous Brennan Manning quote from the beginning of dc Talk's "What If I Stumble?" really is:

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

It hurts infinitely worse when an artist’s baseline faith seemed entirely genuine, only for them to turn around and do the complete and utter opposite.

The biggest example of this for me right now is Montell Fish. I've followed him closely since 2019, but his roots in the faith go back to around 2015. With Montell, it wasn't a temporary trend, it was his entire foundational story as a young believer. In his 2018 testimonies, he spoke passionately about skipping a massive New Year's Eve party to surrender his life to Christ, released Bedroom Gospel to lead youth to Jesus, and made videos instructing his audience on how to maintain a fierce focus on Christ through prayer, accountability, and the Word. He was pointing his viewers to solid platforms like DIScern, The Good Christian Music Blog, Set Sail, Gunther Da Great, and Joseph Solomon.

And then, after nearly seven years of making music for the kingdom, he completely flipped the script. He plunged straight into incredibly dark, secular music. If you look at his official website right now, it is genuinely scary. It is filled with anti-Christian imagery, Sethian Gnosticism (an ancient heresy claiming the God of the Bible is actually an evil creator), Carl Jung quotes about "swallowing evil," and cosmic humanist diagrams that leave no room for biblical truth.

Another deeply heartbreaking example is Andrew Padilla, the primary frontman behind the Christian collective Ecclesia. Back in 2017, they were making incredible, avant-garde worship music. The band was literally named The Church. But by 2021, he left the church, came out as gay, and completely dissolved the collective. He rebranded himself under the solo name Cain Culto (a direct nod to Cain, the first murderer in Genesis). Now, his music explicitly explores witchcraft, queerness, and mythology.

We are seeing this type of shift all over the industry. Look at Henrik Hoeldtke, who performs as Henrik. He built a massive younger following by talking about mental health, but recently he transitioned entirely away from faith lyrics into purely romantic songs, and he even scrubbed some of his older, overtly Christian tracks off streaming platforms entirely. It leaves people questioning whether he abandoned the space altogether for mainstream appeal.

People genuinely need Christian music. My dad's pastor has a very hard time even recommending music to the congregation anymore because of situations exactly like this. You could have someone who starts out making beautiful, innovative hymnals or gospel tracks, only to completely walk away later.

It brings me to the ultimate question I want to ask this community

Should we even count this music anymore? Can a song truly glorify God and be meant for Him if the artist who wrote it could just as easily turn around and run in the exact opposite direction?

To me, if someone can just walk away like that, it makes me feel like they never had real faith to begin with. You can't just separate the artist from the music, especially when they keep using the exact same name and branding, but choose to completely associate with darkness. It feels like those early, beautiful declarations of love for Jesus meant absolutely nothing. It makes the past feel like a complete lie. If an artist walks away but eventually humbles themselves and returns like the prodigal son, then yes, their past testimony meant something. But if they stay away forever and rebrand themselves into something completely anti-Christian, it feels entirely useless. If the person behind the song didn't actually mean it long-term, does the song itself become worthless to the body of Christ?

It makes me worry so much about the state of Christian music. We see newer artists like Hulvey, Josiah Queen, or Gio making tracks, but it’s getting harder and harder to discern who is actually going to stand firm and who is just acting the part until they get a taste of secular validation.

How do you guys process the grief of watching an artist who helped your own spiritual walk completely abandon Jesus? Do you cut them off entirely because their words feel hollow now, or do you still listen to the gospel tracks they made before they walked away?

**TL;DR:** How should believers handle older, God-glorifying music from Christian artists who completely walk away from the faith later on?

Using major examples like **Montell Fish** (who went from *Bedroom Gospel* to putting Gnosticism and anti-Christian concepts on his website), **Andrew Padilla of Ecclesia** (who rebranded into an occult solo project called *Cain Culto*), and **Henrik** (who scrubbed his old faith tracks for secular romance), it is getting harder to discern who is genuine. When public figures talk about Jesus in interviews but completely deny Him with their lifestyle later, does their past music still count for God's glory, or does it become hollow and worthless because they abandoned the faith?