Forgetting and moving on
So me and my sp broke up back in June. I'm not going into the circumstances cause it doesn't matter anyways, just know for a context it didn't end up in a good note, we blocked each other from everywhere.
Anyways I've been consciously manifesting (or atleast trying to manifest) him for a while now, there has been 2-3 period of time it became really easy for me, living in the wish fulfilled, maintaining the state, having positive thoughts and scenarios about us without trying....all became easy for me. Saw some movement too, but not the full picture yet and also in between I went back and reacted to 3d, got back in my old state too so there's that.
Lately I contacted him once for a complete different reason (context: that time I was being able to stay in wish fulfilled state completely to the point of not needing any sign, the 3d had 0 movement but I was fully confident), anyways even tho I didn't bring up anything about the relationship, SP kinda lashed out on me and said I'm a horrible person and to never ever contact him again. This incident threw me off to the point my belief in manifestation was shaken, cause how come there will be this much difference in my inner and outer reality.
Anyways I thought after that I'll lock in with my manifestation, but it's just too much for me sometimes to have this rollercoaster of feeling really good then feeling really bad, I have rest of my life left too and this sorta hampers that. It's hurting my mental health too. Like right now I'm writing all this I still have dull ache in my chest.
Anyways based on everything, I've decided to forgive, forget and move on. What I mean by that is I'm not gonna dwell in the past hurt, not gonna analyse where it went wrong what it could've should've been, I'll accept whatever happened, happened. I'm not gonna do any technique either in order to visualise us or anything cause that's hurting me. I do still have the desire, I'm still trying to hold a baseline assumption that he's coming back asking for a commited relationship as his best self , it's inevitable but not stacking up anymore thoughts about it. I'm completely gonna forget about him and stay in my present life, literally I'm gonna put no awareness to the sp situation, neither Good nor bad. And I'll just focus on my own life, I'll still continue with self concept affirmation since they're good for anyone regardless.
Idk if that means I'm giving up on my desire (which means sp never comes back, the chapter with him ends here) or it means I'm finally letting go of the old story, detaching and surrendering ( which means this finally gonna make the sp movement I've been trying so hard for, cause sometimes less effort is more). All ik is either way it'll help me be happy with myself and actually heal myself.
If manifesting sp while staying in this way can still possible or there's a way, if you guys have any insight or similar experience please share with me. Not just that, any opinion or tips regarding this from you people I'd love to take.
Ik it's a long read, a bit messy too. Hope I was able to convey my message. Thanks for reading.