u/TwoparentsandAteen

Is this real?

Over the last week, my pick ups have not registered a package or two even though it’s scanned everything in the boxes using the QR code but when I deliver, I have two extra packages (which was probably the ones that said we’re not in the container so I had them removed ) that are not on my list and they took the pick up button, that was on the app, off. I delivered them to the houses using my own GPS because it was within the route. Should I have done that or should I just take them back to the warehouse? Anybody else have this experience?

I expected to get some good offers but am literally not getting offers and if I do it’s 3.5 for 55 which is lower than the usual. WTF is going on. I know there are new drivers, including 2 of my daughters, but you can’t explain the math that shows that we are getting more packages than ever but there isn’t enough money to pay for the amount of flexors they added on.

My mother is 88 years old and has been experiencing dementia probably for the last year but she’s really at a stage four, if we’re speaking in those terms. She can dress herself, but can’t cook anymore, not bathing, is terrible with banking and can’t write a check any longer and can no longer drive. She can’t recall her own phone number and loses all the numbers that I write down for her probably on a monthly basis. She also cannot remember the pin numbers for her debit cards. I am her POA.

I recently shared in another post that I had made the decision to leave my childhood home that I moved back in a year ago to return to my life in Florida with my grandchildren and my adult children however, I would maintain poa and handle things via phone and let her stay in the house and have someone come in and do part-time care.

Over the last week, she has had a spurt of independence. Interestingly, she actually remembered how to use the telephone to dial phone numbers because that was something that she had had difficulty with in the past. She has a severe pain in her leg that is related to lumbar stenosis. The recommendation was for her to get injections in her back however she chose to just decide to go back to physical therapy no problem I have been scheduling all of her appointments and transporting her because she can no longer drive.

Today she decides to call the physical therapist and makes appointments unbeknownst to me. Two of the three appointments I am not able to transport her; so I gave her the option to change two of the appointments or we can call the transportation program in our area to take her. I am really trying hard to give her autonomy on some things, but I’m not sure if that’s doing more harm than good.

So after we had this conversation, I left and she decides to call her eye doctor to be an advocate for her being allowed to drive again. I had a clinical adaptive driving evaluation done with her approximately three months ago and she didn’t get past the clinical part. They didn’t even take her out to test drive. The doctor calls me and tells me that her vision is better than what it was on the evaluation. I kindly reminded him that we were in his office two weeks prior and that I had definitely stated that she had the evaluation done and they are not recommending because some of the tests she couldn’t pass and her response time is 90 seconds. He profusely apologized and recalled the conversation put all these notes in the system to remind himself should she call again and he asked me should he call her back and I said no I will talk to her.

We are at the point now, where she’s looking for allies in these doctors to override certain decisions regarding her safety. We went to the orthopedic doctor last week and he walked in and told her that she has every right to make her own decisions about her care. I found out that Mommy had called him before the appointment and said that I am not allowing her to make her own decisions about using the walker versus using a cane. Not true at all. Once again she tries to get him to advocate for her to be able to drive and that I am taking away her freedom to do what she needs to do to take care of herself.

I feel like she’s just looking for allies and I spend time texting past helpers to ask them to deny taking her anywhere and refer her back to me. This is not even considered triangulation at this point it’s like octagon nation or something. lol

Has anyone experienced any of this? What should I be doing? I feel like I’m just a big ass meanie, but I also feel like I’m making the right decisions. This is really new to me in regards to this behavior and I almost feel like she’s trying to talk to these professionals to get them to see that I’m being abusive or restrictive.

I have been a part of this sub for approximately a year. I have talked about the reasons why I moved to Pennsylvania to take care of my mother in my childhood home. It was mostly because she was living by herself starting to exhibit, lack of self-care, and she was falling a lot.
We had planned to move April 2025 probably around January 2025. Unfortunately, between February and the move in April 2025 I had a transplanted kidney reject, so when I moved I was medically compromised and started my second week of dialysis here in PA. however, I still did my role of cooking most nights, making sure she took her meds, and accompanying her to her doctors appointments. My husband and my youngest daughter who is now 24 moved with me to my childhood home and they are a big help.

In October 2025, I ended up getting a second kidney. What a blessing and it gave me more strength to be available to my mother. She began showing more signs of dementia, very forgetful, losing things, forgot how to write a check, difficulty doing self-care in some instances, repeating herself having a hard time with chronological time frames so I went and got a power of attorney signed.

My relationship with my mother has never been strong and I grew up in my childhood years being insulted, physically, and emotionally abused. I am the youngest the only girl and I have two older brothers who live on the West Coast…on purpose. Since I’ve been caring for her, I have talked about in other posts about how she accused me of stealing money and it continued past that incident. It’s been very irrational stuff, but it triggered me like I was in trouble and the way that she treated me, after she accused me of stealing money, was very harsh curt snide every time I would check on her. I don’t really talk to her much except for when she wants to talk about her ride back to the house or what’s going on at the Senior center or ask me questions about my kids.

She was hospitalized around January 2026 and had difficulty walking and when she came out of rehab, she was told she couldn’t drive anymore by the occupational therapist and physical therapist. That went right over her head she accused me of talking to doctors and the therapists to get them to tell her that she couldn’t drive if you saw her car, you know that she’s been in a couple of fender benders. She will tell anyone who will listen that I took away her right to drive. I had her clinically evaluated by a driving evaluator for seniors and they felt she definitely was not able to drive due to her response times, her vision and not identifying different street signs. They did a clinical test with her before they would even allowed her to drive the car and she never even got that far. The results were sent to her primary care who sat down with her and told her that she could no longer drive.

She told people that everything that’s going on with her now is all my fault. She didn’t have all these issues and problems until I moved back and started taking care of her. And the problem she’s speaking of is the dementia, the driving issues, she has been found to have lumbar stenosis and she’s exhibiting pain in her right leg. After x-ray and MRI the recommendation was that she needed to get shots in her back. She feels like that’s unnecessary and she just wants to do physical therapy which had actually been ruled out, but she doesn’t want to listen. She asked me to cancel the appointment with the shots in her back and she wants to go to a different orthopedic doctor to see if she could just do physical therapy which had already been rolled out. I try so hard to respect her wishes, but I feel it’s like chasing a falsehood and playing her game.

When we would have company, she would use me as the brunt of the joke which is something she did a lot of when I was younger, talking about my weight or my chattiness or my ultra friendliness or making anything that was a trait about me a vice to be laughed about. She is a bully.

When I had the Transplant in October, they stopped my anxiety medication, which was very helpful for me because it was also a blood pressure medication as well. It was called propranolol. So I went months without an anxiety medication and just recently I had to reach out to my psychiatrist and get a new order for a mood stabilizer because I was just like losing it crying a lot unsure of my decisions. I even feel like I wanna cry as I’m writing this, it’s that triggering for me just the way that she was treating me took me back to when I was 15 years old. I started counseling which helped a little bit.

I had a conversation with one of my two older who came for one weekend and based on what he observed, we both agreed that I might not be the person that needs to be a caregiver for her. In the one weekend he was over her and even fussed at her a couple times because of some of her exaggerated and hurtful behaviors that she exhibited when he was here. I actually was on a cruise taking a serious needed break while he was here.

So very, very long story ending I have thought long and hard and feel like I can do everything that I need to do for her via phone and putting a caregiver in to check on her in the evenings, from Florida. My adult children and grandchildren are there, and it was very hard for me to leave them. I can manage her doctors appointments, her transportation to the senior center, which she already had in place, pay bills with bill pay call her weekly to see what she needs in the house for food and place an order from Walmart that the caregiver can then bring in and put away for her. My oldest brother was in agreement as well, and thanked me for doing what I could he was even suggesting to put her in a nursing home, which I would never do because she is in the same home that her and my father bought 60 something years ago and created it to her liking after we all moved out. But I sure as hell will ask someone through Medicare or something to come in and give her her meds make her dinner and make sure she hasn’t fallen every evening until she starts to get to the point where she can’t walk around or her dementia gets really bad then will increase it to in-home care.

My brothers agreed that we would choose a Sunday to call and check on her just to make sure that everything‘s good and just also to talk to her and check in.

I really feel guilty and I go back-and-forth with my decision-making. I am a social worker and a therapist. I am African-American and a lot of times in our culture. We don’t walk away from our elders, but I have told many clients myself that you do not need to be around a parent that was hurtful to you. You have no obligation as a child to allow them to continue to treat you in such a way it is OK to not have a relationship with them. I need to listen to the advice that I’ve been given and I had a conversation with my husband who is OK with us moving back to Florida. My daughter interestingly is moving out next week. She found a place close to her job so she’s gonna move by herself.

I did talk to text and I see this is very very long. I truly apologize. I’ve been wanting to speak my truth for the last couple of weeks.