u/Typical_Year_7506

i’ve been struggling with my spirituality. i’ve stepped away from organized religion, and i’d say i’m very pagan rooted. Anyways, I don’t have a lot of motivation, energy, or brain power due to depression, but i’m really wanting to stay in touch with my team of light.

What are some small, easy ways to stay in tune with the universe?

i’m not 100% sure why I’m writing this. I guess i just want help getting better. My whole life I’ve struggled with making and maintaining friendships.

Recently, my best friend just ghosted me. She had been putting me on the back burner for a while. I was able to let it go because I understood we were both struggling, and we live 3 1/2 hrs apart. I’ve made multiple trips down to see her. Each time, she lets her piece of shit bf treats both of us like shit. I’ve spoken to her about it many times, but it’s always excuses. Me and her were talking over the phone when her bf got mad and started yelling at me, so him and I went back and forth. Eventually I lost it, and said “i’m sorry your bf is such a piece of shit” and she hung up. i sent her a long text later explaining how I felt. I left the ball in her court. It’s been a few days, and she hasn’t responded. I revoked her invite to my house warming party because i’m genuinely scared of her partner knowing where I live. Additionally, i wanted her to have a safe space when she finally leaves his ass. There was a purpose for him not being invited. i go above and beyond to take care of people and it seems to backfire. I understand she may be suffering from abuse, so i’m letting it go. It’s just betrayal is what it feels like. After a while, the behavior you see excuse becomes the behavior you enable.

Today, I cut off a friend. I will take accountability and say that I do think my temper played a role. Basically, she was asking me about my pay and I told her what I make. I ended up saying how I’m struggling and she downplayed it and turned it into a pissing contest. “well my mom isn’t on a salary” okay? neither am i and neither is my mom. she had been exhausting me for a while. she definitely didn’t make me feel cared about or heard, and I did tend to be her therapist and diary. i definitely could’ve stepped away from that situation before doing that. I was hot headed, and I knew better, but she had also been on thin ice with me. it’s a lot, but i won’t go into it unless someone really wants to know.

My mom said I need to stop looking for people my same age. I’m 23, but she told me that I need to look at people aged 29-35 if I want someone with a similar mindset. I get it. I usually tend to have deeper conversations with someone in that age range. I’m not sure if I should limit myself to that age group or not, though.

I’ve noticed that the people i meet are either not interested in the same things as me, or are very out-of-touch with reality, social issues, and lack emotional intelligence or social awareness. I don’t think that necessarily makes them a bad person—everyone has room for improvement and everyone has different capacities. I understand that.

I’ve also noticed a pattern in my communication struggles. I realize that I sometimes wait until it’s too late to address issues/concerns. Usually it’s me contemplating if it’s even worth bringing up, giving them more chances before addressing it, or feeling like I’m being dumb or it’s just something I should deal with.

I think it may be important to mention that i am gay and a trans man in Texas, so that’s an obvious barrier.

Anyways, I feel like i’m getting along with people, but not connecting. I’m questioning my self worth so much. I hear people tell me that they think i’m so cool, or great, or whatever. No one seems to really tell me what the problem is that they have with me. I know I have my own personal flaws and quirks, but I don’t think they’re bad enough to make me have no one. Every friendship I cut off is a result of me being absolutely drained. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep pouring from an empty cup and there doesn’t seem to be anyone willing to understand me or my brain the way I need it to be. What do I need to do to find my place in the world? How can I be better?

TLDR; Lifetime friendship struggles are becoming harder and harder. Meeting people, but not connecting. I’m 23, but people are suggesting being friends with people aged 29-35. I’m lost, alone, and I hate myself. What needs to change?

i’m not 100% sure why I’m writing this. I guess i just want help getting better. My whole life I’ve struggled with making and maintaining friendships.

Recently, my best friend just ghosted me. She had been putting me on the back burner for a while. I was able to let it go because I understood we were both struggling, and we live 3 1/2 hrs apart. I’ve made multiple trips down to see her. Each time, she lets her piece of shit bf treats both of us like shit. I’ve spoken to her about it many times, but it’s always excuses. Me and her were talking over the phone when her bf got mad and started yelling at me, so him and I went back and forth. Eventually I lost it, and said “i’m sorry your bf is such a piece of shit” and she hung up. i sent her a long text later explaining how I felt. I left the ball in her court. It’s been a few days, and she hasn’t responded. I revoked her invite to my house warming party because i’m genuinely scared of her partner knowing where I live. Additionally, i wanted her to have a safe space when she finally leaves his ass. There was a purpose for him not being invited. i go above and beyond to take care of people and it seems to backfire. I understand she may be suffering from abuse, so i’m letting it go. It’s just betrayal is what it feels like. After a while, the behavior you see excuse becomes the behavior you enable.

Today, I cut off a friend. I will take accountability and say that I do think my temper played a role. Basically, she was asking me about my pay and I told her what I make. I ended up saying how I’m struggling and she downplayed it and turned it into a pissing contest. “well my mom isn’t on a salary” okay? neither am i and neither is my mom. she had been exhausting me for a while. she definitely didn’t make me feel cared about or heard, and I did tend to be her therapist and diary. i definitely could’ve stepped away from that situation before doing that. I was hot headed, and I knew better, but she had also been on thin ice with me. it’s a lot, but i won’t go into it unless someone really wants to know.

My mom said I need to stop looking for people my same age. I’m 23, but she told me that I need to look at people aged 29-35 if I want someone with a similar mindset. I get it. I usually tend to have deeper conversations with someone in that age range. I’m not sure if I should limit myself to that age group or not, though.

I’ve noticed that the people i meet are either not interested in the same things as me, or are very out-of-touch with reality, social issues, and lack emotional intelligence or social awareness. I don’t think that necessarily makes them a bad person—everyone has room for improvement and everyone has different capacities. I understand that.

I’ve also noticed a pattern in my communication struggles. I realize that I sometimes wait until it’s too late to address issues/concerns. Usually it’s me contemplating if it’s even worth bringing up, giving them more chances before addressing it, or feeling like I’m being dumb or it’s just something I should deal with.

I think it may be important to mention that i am gay and a trans man in Texas, so that’s an obvious barrier.

Anyways, I feel like i’m getting along with people, but not connecting. I’m questioning my self worth so much. I hear people tell me that they think i’m so cool, or great, or whatever. No one seems to really tell me what the problem is that they have with me. I know I have my own personal flaws and quirks, but I don’t think they’re bad enough to make me have no one. Every friendship I cut off is a result of me being absolutely drained. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep pouring from an empty cup and there doesn’t seem to be anyone willing to understand me or my brain the way I need it to be. What do I need to do to find my place in the world? How can I be better?

TLDR; Lifetime friendship struggles are becoming harder and harder. Meeting people, but not connecting. I’m 23, but people are suggesting being friends with people aged 29-35. I’m lost, alone, and I hate myself. What needs to change?

i’m writing this because i’m at a loss. i have no fucking idea what to do.

for context, i (23m) am currently working as a front desk at a small hotel. i’ve been there 10 months now, which is a record for me. due to my mental health struggles, employment has been a nightmare. i’ve been undergoing esketamine treatments, and have made a lot of progress, with much more to go.

I currently am bringing home ~$2,200 a month, depending on the hours. I live in North Dallas, so money’s tight.

I have no where else to go from here. I had a lot of potential growing up. i did well in school and loved learning. i had lots of hopes and dreams. it’s not like i never dreamed of my future or never thought about it. i’ve wanted to do so many things throughout my life. My upbringing wasn’t easy just like many others. i’m not going into it bc it’s not special. life’s rough. anyways, my brain is fucked. i’ve been in therapy for years, on meds since i was 13, residential x2, PHP x3, IOP x2, and 9 inpatient stays. i’m trying my best. i’m doing everything i can. unfortunately, it’s not always that easy. things don’t get “better” for me. they just get different.

i graduated high school in 2021. since then, i’ve tried college. i did community college for a few semesters until my mental health inevitably tanked. i tried again about a year later, but i’ve had to accept that my capacity is different. school is not for me. my working memory is shot. some say it’s due to one illness, some say it’s due to another. whatever. i can’t focus for shit, even on my adhd medication. my depression robs me of any passion necessary to fuel my aspirations. anytime i even imagine walking into a classroom environment, I shrivel. my throat gets dry and it’s hard to breathe. i can’t. i just can’t. it hurts, but i’ve had to accept that my brain is not what i wish it was, but i have to work with what i have.

my current hotel job is…. okay. it’s “low stress,” flexible, and is something i can do even when my depression is bad. my boss is nice and seems to care about me on a human level, so that’s new. my current work environment is okay most of the time if i’m alone. however, the emotional toll is becoming increasingly cumbersome. customer service jobs are no joke when it comes to emotional exhaustion. additionally, there’s been lots of tension between me and some coworkers. it’s getting more and more difficult to perform in an environment where i don’t feel welcome. Others have encouraged me many times to leave or at least start exploring other options. that’s when i get stuck. what do i do with a brain that’s broken like mine? it’s been haunting me for a while. to the point where even the mention of school or a career change sends me into a panic.

TLDR; I need to leave my current position as a hotel desk agent (bringing in ~$2,200 monthly). School is not an option due to personal struggles. i am lost and am losing hope. My brain is broken i guess, idk. what do i do?

I can’t do extreme heat due to illness unfortunately, so construction is out of the question. Still exploring my interests, but I know that i love science. especially biology and neuroscience. I don’t think i can do health care. i don’t do well with seeing people hurt and the stress levels would make me tank. i don’t know what to do. if i’m stuck where im at, then what can i do to make the most of my financial situation? i’m defeated.

I started treatment April 14th of this year. i do it twice a week, but next week i am stepping down to once a week.

I have seen progress, but i still don’t like living and am still suicidal a few days out of the week. I see myself heading towards the end of treatment, but all i see is how much more i feel like i have to go.

Am i being inpatient? Should I talk to them about keeping my treatments at 2x a week a little longer?

Also, when did you feel “ready” to stop ketamine treatment?

Thanks yall.