u/Unique-observer

I’ve had IBS for a long time. Every time I eat, I need to go to the toilet. It literally doesn’t matter what I eat.
Since solids cause it, I was thinking of trying a soft foods/liquid nutrient diet, has anyone tried it ?

Another hypothetical idea I had was intravenous feeding (I know it’s probably expensive to do privately), but I wonder if it would resolve the need to go the toilet all the time which takes up so much of my day.

Does anyone know if these things are possible ? Has anyone tried a long term liquid diet ? Like maybe a shake with all the right nutrients in them ? Is it possible to do long-term ?
I don’t want to spend hours in the toilet everyday. Is there any way out of this ?

It’s a weird feeling. One day there’s constant teams calls, deadlines and passive aggressive emails. Then all of a sudden, you lose your job. The next morning, there’s nothing.

I woke up this morning, it was calm and quiet. There was a noticeable lack of stress. No anxiety provoking teams ring tone, no professionally threatening emails from my line manager, no constant deadlines and always feeling behind. All replaced by the sound of a train in the distance and birds chirping outside. The contrast is staggering. I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

Still things feel abnormal. I’ve heard my teams ringtone go off several times today, I know that can’t be the case because I’ve returned all my equipment. I think I’m still reeling from my employer’s abuse.

I know I’ve got to start applying for new roles but I don’t want to start yet. Luckily I’ve got 6 months of savings, but I think this also means I won’t get many unemployment benefits. But with this newfound peace and quiet, I feel like I never want to go back to a 9-5.

What do I do ?

It’s a weird feeling. One day there’s constant teams calls, deadlines and passive aggressive emails. Then all of a sudden, you lose your job. The next morning, there’s nothing.

I woke up this morning, it was calm and quiet. There was a noticeable lack of stress. No anxiety provoking teams ring tone, no professionally threatening emails from my line manager, no constant deadlines and always feeling behind. All replaced by the sound of a train in the distance and birds chirping outside. The contrast is staggering. I almost don’t know what to do with myself.

Still things feel abnormal. I’ve heard my teams ringtone go off several times today, I know that can’t be the case because I’ve returned all my equipment. I think I’m still reeling from my employer’s abuse.

I know I’ve got to start applying for new roles but I don’t want to start yet. Luckily I’ve got 6 months of savings. But with this newfound peace and quiet, I feel like I never want to go back to a 9-5.

What do I do ?

I’m looking for somewhere to live that matches the following:

1	Quiet, peaceful and low crime  
2	Good GP & hospital access (better than inner London)  
3	Good connectivity to most of inner London (for work and socialising)  
4	5-12 minutes to South Asian / Muslim amenities 

I’ve landed on several areas:
1 Hanwell (close to West Ealing/ Southall)
2 Hatch End / Pinner (close Harrow Central)
3 Chigwell (close to Ilford / Walthamstow)
4 Sutton (close to Morden / Tooting)
5 Beckenham (close to Penge / Croydon)

What these areas have in common is that they are less dense, peaceful and quiet but also have close connectivity to South Asian hubs.

I might be wrong but I feel like West London is nicer to live in than the rest of London (the Elizabeth line also sounds better than the other lines) - so I’ve got a slight bias towards West (Hanwell) and North West London (Hatch End / Pinner - overground only but family friendly). Overall, I’m not too bothered about living in N/E/S/W London - in fact I’m considering all sides of London as long as my main criteria are met.

I’m not from London so I might not be completely right about these areas, can anyone tell me what living in each of these areas is like against my criteria:
1. Low density, quiet, low crime
2. Healthcare access
3. Connectivity to inner London
4. Closeness to more dense South Asian hubs

If there are areas that I haven’t thought about, I would appreciate hearing about those too.

I’m trying to figure out where to live in London, I’m trying to optimise two things:

1. My career options and social life as I am in my twenties
2. My mum’s health and safety as she is disabled and experiencing domestic abuse

These things conflict a little, but sacrificing either isn’t really an option for me. I’m wondering if there is anywhere in London that might be good for both of us.

Due to the domestic abuse and control she went through, my mum has no friends or family that she is in close with, so at the moment I’m her carer and only support system. I can’t move out because of this. A lot of our extended family aren’t very nice people and we don’t feel too comfortable around them, so they’re not an option for help. Luckily we have enough money to live in many areas of London but what’s more important is finding the right location that works for both of us.

My mum has about 12 different heart and lung conditions - she previously had heart attacks and stroke. She currently has COPD, asthma, arrhythmia, gut bloating, arthritis, osteoporosis, dry skin, dry eyes, frequent infections and a lot more. She takes 20+ medications a day.

A big issue for her is GP access, I’m worried that London will be too overwhelmed to be able to get GP appointments like we can get in our small town (though GP’s are also not great here). I could leave her here and move to London, but she has no one other than me for support.

When I get a job in London; I’ll be looking to get more formal care for her but I do think I’ll always need to be close enough to help if she ever needs it. We aren’t fortunate enough to have kind supportive family members so it’s really us two against the world.

It’s a really tough situation and I don’t think there are many people that relate; but I was hoping someone on here might. I don’t want to give up on my ambitions just because I’m looking after my mum.
I’m wondering where the best place is for her to live in and around London where she can have a nice peaceful life while I can get access to London careers and social life. Is this possible without significant trade-offs ? I can’t afford to live somewhere like Richmond Upon Thames, but are there other places that are peaceful while being well connected ?
Another requirement for my mum would be having access to a Muslim community that she could be a part of, though it doesn’t need to be overwhelming like Harrow or East London. In fact, somewhere less dense may be better for her health.
Another option is, I could move to commuter town, somewhere like St Albans, Woking or Reading where I can commute into London but I’ve heard living in those places makes you feel disconnected to London. I feel like I’d be in London a lot and wouldn’t be able to get back to mum quickly in an emergency if we lived in those places.

Overall, it feels super complicated and sometimes I think I should just give up on my personal happiness and dreams, but I’m still holding onto hope ! Does anyone have any ideas / places that would suit our conflicting needs ?

TLDR: looking for nice places in London for elderly and disabled people while still being in close proximity for work and social life, if that exists

I’ve worked at this role for around a year and a half.

I was placed on a performance improvement plan and now I have been told that I haven’t passed. They have documented the evidence of things I missed and having slower output than expected.

Now that I’ve failed my PIP, I’ve been told that HR will be in touch to discuss “next steps“. They’ve also stopped giving me new work to do. So I’m very sure that I’m going to be fired within the next 2 weeks.

Due to this, I’m considering resigning rather than waiting to be fired for poor performance. As I don’t want that to be disclosed to future employers.

I have savings that will last around a year so I don’t think I will be eligible for any benefits if I waited to get dismissed. They’ve got reasonably strong evidence of me underperforming so I don’t think I could negotiate much in a settlement agreement.

So I don’t see much point in waiting for them fire me and getting a bad reference in the future. And if I resigned, future employers wouldn’t know that I was fired for poor performance.

Is this a good idea ?

The studies on ADHD are clear, people with this condition tend to have worse life outcomes and lower earnings. But every downside comes with a hidden upside, so I’m curious if anyone here has ADHD and used it to create wealth ?

I’m working a very monotonous accounting job but I do feel like I would do better in a path where my ADHD is an asset rather than a drawback.

So I’m curious, does anyone here have ADHD ? Did you find paths where you felt like you had an advantage because of your ADHD ? Rather then it being a limitation ?

If ADHDers could find a path that taps into the advantages, I feel like they could find a way to wealth that is sustainable. Any ideas ?

I’m working a very monotonous accounting job and I do feel like I would do better in a career where my ADHD is an asset rather than a drawback.

So I’m curious, does anyone here have ADHD ? Did you find careers where you felt like you had an advantage because of your ADHD ? Rather then it being a limitation ?

Here’s my problem - I am in my 20s, extroverted, ambitious and want big city life. My mum is disabled with a rare heart condition, COPD, asthma, mobility issues, arrhythmia, rosacea, dry eyes, dry skin, bone brittleness and much more. She’s on 20 medications a day. My dad abused her even though he was her carer. Police arrested him. Now I’m stuck looking after her. We live in a small town far from any major city.
I’m from a small religious community and was bullied by many of the people living here. I have no friends or family here. It’s a place where everyone knows everyone and I want to get the hell out of here. The only thing good here is my mum’s healthcare, all the doctors know our family and often go above and beyond for her. This is unlikely to be the case in a new city. My mum depends on me and this is the only reason I haven’t moved.

My mum’s sister lives an hour away from a big city but is kind of manipulative and unreliable so we don’t trust her. But I’m worried about taking my mum to a new city with all her conditions, and the healthcare continuity is unlikely to be good. I took her for a week trip to view some areas we could move to and she became unwell so I became worried about moving. It feels like my life has stagnated here.

I‘m deeply unhappy and I’m worried that I’m stuck here forever. I don’t know where to go or what to do.

I’m sure I’m getting fired from my job due to my ADHD issues.

I work a rigid accounting type job. It’s not what I wanted to do, but I got into the field because I couldn’t find other work easily and the career was related to my degree. As I’m ambitious, I initially had tried to get into high finance / consulting but that was too competitive for me, so I ended up here.

During work, my managers have highlighted that I have problems with:
-Attention to detail, missing things
-Making errors on spreadsheets
-Time management
-Burst output rather than consistent output
-Disorganisation / forgetting things
-Mental overwhelm from context switching managing several things at once

Just to caveat, I do most of the work correctly - but it feels like my job isn’t tolerant of any mistakes as it is very detail oriented. Also they aren’t tolerant of burst output, they want consistent output everyday. I check work multiple times and still end up with mistakes, doing this also takes up so much time. I think I’m generally slower than others anyway and this makes it worse. At the same time, I’ve also been going through problems in my personal life which hasn’t helped things.

I was placed on a performance improvement plan and now they’ve stopped allocating new work to me, while my colleagues are all still getting new work. My manager reviews have all been negative, they’ve documented issues with noticing details and time management. I’m pretty sure that this means that I’m getting fired very soon.

I haven’t found time to apply to jobs, given all the issues I’m dealing with and my time management issues. I also don’t know what career to pursue as I don’t know where I’d do well.

I know I’ve got ADHD but I haven’t officially been diagnosed. As I haven’t been diagnosed, I don’t have a formal proof of my limitations. The waiting time to be seen by a specialist is 6 years where I am.

What would you do in this situation ?

I’m thinking this career likely isn’t for me, so I was wondering what careers are good for people with ADHD ? I’m quite ambitious and would like a high paying career (if it was possible for a person like me). I think I’m good at logic, empathy, being sociable and analysing things.
I’m bad at organisation, time management, conflict, social dominance and overthink a lot.

My family lives in the UK and life has always been tough for us.

When I was young, my mum became severely disabled. My dad then became her full-time carer. Though he cared for her, he was always abusive towards her. He always shouted at her for becoming ill and ruining his life, he hit her sometimes, he didn't let her mix with the Muslim community, he didn't let her go out to the back garden, he rationed her food portions, he didn't let her have a bank account until it was absolutely necessary, he monitored her bank account, he is irrationally jealous, he gets angry if a random man asks her a question (in a regular setting), he makes false accusations towards her, he insults her, he insults her parents/family members, he makes her walk on eggshells, she has always lived in fear of him and his volatile reactions to normal things. He has rules and double standards for everything. For example, she is not allowed to speak to her male cousins, but he speaks to all his female cousins, as the rules don't seem to apply to him. She is not allowed to give charity to her people. She was not allowed to join a dua (prayer)for her deceased uncle because my father didn’t like him. When he gets angry, he stops cooking, stops taking her to doctor's appointments and stops all caring activities. At that point, I have to do the caring instead. 

For almost 30 years, because she was disabled and had no money, she was reliant on him for care and was financially dependent on him. As she did not speak good English and didn't understand British systems, she was scared and reliant on him for everything. We were little children and didn't know what to do. In our family, everything was kept secret from outsiders. No one knew what was going on, the local community still doesn't know because of family shame reasons. Our religious family fears judgment and community shame very highly.

Today my dad was going crazy once again and tried to attack my mother over nothing, I got in the way but someone heard and ended up calling police. He was arrested.

Police are coming back soon to get a statement from us. I’m happy for my mum to say whatever she wants, but I’m unsure if I want to give a statement.

For context, my father did sacrifice his career to look after us as children, he does have mental issues, he is old and vulnerable himself (though it doesn’t stop him being abusive). I know that doesn’t excuse abuse and I’m not saying it does. I’m just saying I feel like I can’t hurt him, something emotional within me doesn’t let me do so.

I know he’s not a good person but he‘s always been kind to me. But I also know all his trauma, I know the kind side of his personality, it’s so hard for me to hurt him.

I know he deserves punishment but my conscience finds it difficult to help put a man who cared for me and was kind in prison.

I don’t know if I should help tell the police with their investigation.

Has anyone been in a similar situation ?