99% of my intellectual stimulation comes from listening to podcasts and connecting with like-minded clients. I crave a community that can converse beyond cultural boundaries. Yet, I live in a country where there are so many taboos."taboos, I call it I intellectual prison.
The continuation of .....
https://www.reddit.com/r/Ethiopia/s/FwNFQ2tgsg
Step 4: Terror Management Theory
This is very fascinating because I see this very much in the current state of Ethiopia (ethnicity/tribalism, religion/anti-LGBTQ groups) and the U.S. (Christian nationalists/conservative Americans, anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant). Humans use these large assigned identities to feel like we are part of something permanent and meaningful.
We don't just defend these identities because we like them. We defend them because they shield us from the fear of death. When you attack my nationality or religion, you are attacking my psychological immortality.
Look at the anti-immigrant sentiment in the U.S., or the ethnic federalism tensions in Ethiopia. On the surface, it looks like people are just arguing about borders, resources, or political power. But psychologically, they are defending their "hero project." They believe their specific group is the right way to live, and if that group is diluted, overpowered, or forced to change, it feels like their own existence is being erased.
This is why people are willing to die and kill for these assigned labels. It's not just about land or politics; it's about preserving the psychological shield that protects them from the terror of insignificance and death. The ultimate irony is that they are killing each other to feel immortal.
Step 5: The Intellectual Mind (The Awakening)
The quote challenges us to use an "intellectual mind." This means breaking the fusion between the Self and the Assigned Identity. It requires moving from emotional, tribal thinking to logical, analytical thinking ( Mental gymnastic ).
This is deeply uncomfortable because it requires cognitive dissonance. You must hold two conflicting truths: "I love my culture and religion, but I did not choose them, and defending them blindly is causing harm." The intellectual mind allows you to appreciate your culture without letting it completely define who you are. You realize you are not the tag on the suitcase. You are the traveler.
Is this possible? Yes; but it is incredibly rare, deeply painful, and usually only happens under specific conditions. It requires fighting your own biology (the need to belong), your ego (the need to be right), and your existential terror (the need to feel immortal). Most people will choose the comforting lie over the terrifying truth. But for those who do break free, they don't lose their culture they simply stop being owned by it. They stop being the suitcase and become the traveler :).
If you like like this ..
You may like ..
Step ONE — Desire (Libido)
· General drive for sex : not aimed at anyone specific.
· Driven by hormones (testosterone, estrogen), brain chemicals (dopamine, oxytocin), stress, sleep, health, age, medications.
Problems that lower it:
· Depression medications
· Age (older people)
· Health issues - impotence due to type 2 diabetes
· Lack of sleep
· Low hormones, especially testosterone
· Fluctuates - can have it alone, or lack it with a loved partner.
· Like appetite: hungry without craving a specific food.
Psychological trauma
Step TWO — Attraction
Hmm, never knew this was a thing until recently, because nobody told me :)
· Directed at a specific person. "I want them." · Can happen with or without desire.
You can feel attraction and have zero interest in acting on it.
· This is the axis that defines orientation: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, etc. ( Dont get me started on this one ....) .
· Asexual = little to no sexual attraction. Not "no desire," not "no romance," not "no libido" attraction specifically.
E.g. As a woman, I can fall in love with a handsome man (heterosexual romantic orientation) without my brain associating it with sex (asexual).
Growing up, I think most of us, especially we women, thought women were sexualized by men ONLY, and that it's purely a lust thing. Lol! Not realizing a hormonal response exists in both genders. At least I was naive enough to think that way.
I'm sure this is a very common experience for those of us raised in strict religious or traditional environments.
Step THREE — Arousal
· The physical response: blood flow, erection, lubrication, increased heart rate.
· Can happen without desire or attraction: random erections, morning wood, arousal during non-sexual situations, even during assault. (This is purely a physiological response due to hormonal changes.)
· Men experience morning sexual arousal.
· This is why "your body responded" is not evidence of wanting something. Men's can have arousals during treatment around genital area ..I have seen this clinically. Dont shame men for what their body reacts to .
Step FOUR — Behavior / Acting on it
· The choice to engage. Influenced by desire, attraction, values, religion, opportunity, partner, mood.
· You can act without desire (duty sex, pleasing a partner) or have desire without acting (celibacy, circumstance).
A lot of us in Ethiopia who grew up with a religious upbringing (during the non-internet era) managed to abstain from sex before marriage strictly because of religious teaching.
The confusion starts after getting married, still avoiding sex, or just having sex to have babies or to please a partner (to save the marriage while being tortured because of the inherent lack of interest.
Take away :-
Celibacy is not equal to asexuality .
Dont develop the arrogance to dismiss other's lived experience . Do better.
Edit :- If you are triggered ..may be educate yourself about your psychological make up..
An expat went to the most expensive dental office in town and got service with a high price tag. She came to me and said, "I love their service , they're neat... you know what, I like them more because they charge the 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐬."
I didn't say anything. The secret? Their target customers are 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐬, 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐬 and 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝟏% 𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 ; already priced to attract only those customers. They don't need to set two prices and single out the average locals.
Addis Ababa has become one of Africa's most expensive cities. This is brutal news for Ethiopians who hold their wealth in birr, especially after the dollar float in August 2024. You don't need to be an economist to grasp the impact especially on the middle and lower classes. This wasn't international news seeking pity. It was debated and mourned locally, then life went on as usual.
As an African with a bad track record of politicians who think only of themselves diverting donations offshore and flying our meager dollars out via black market , I know the economic backbone, our dollar reserve, was then / is still diminishing. Less foreign currency is still chasing more birr. Sadly, on the black market, a dollar now nears or above 186 birr.
Who benefits from this chaos? 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲.
Locals compete with stagnant salaries that can't catch up with the cost of living; yet face the same goods and services as the privileged.
Government services now set separate dollar prices. Some real estate quotes in dollars, sometimes by Diasporas ( investors) themselves. I used to charge $30 equivalent in birr for my service before the float. Now I try to keep up with the forex/black market exchange rate because that's where the real value of the dollar shows, and where I can actually access foreign currency. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥, 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭, 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞?
Diasporas and expats running businesses ,formal or informal ( expats ) either target only their own kind at high local prices, focus on dollar based sectors like tourism and hotels, or price real estate in dollars for expat/Diaspora renters only.
𝐒𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬?
Dollar floating gave a huge advantage to anyone working with foreign currency over those surviving on birr. 𝐒𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬!
I was Googling recently and only found one acupuncture/TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) clinic in Kigali. A visiting foreigner from Kigali even told me that there aren't many TCM clinics here, aside from the government hospital/s.
Is there a demand for this? Are there any existing natural medicine businesses that are thriving and interested in incorporating acupuncture, herbal medicine, or supplements?
Hello,
I live in Ethiopia, but trained in the States. Currently I serve expats in Ethiopia but i want to reach my ideal customers ( Ethiopian /eritrean online clients in the states ...!
it is going to be way cheaper than my friends who charge in the States ...
I want to reach ...those who want to get treated with Supplements, diet, + herbal ...
Primarily PCOS /PMOS ! Then
Fibroid / Low AMH with /without IVF depending on the conditions.
But I dont know how to reach out these population !
Educated , health conscious. can pay out of pocket !
HELP
Why do the ordinary people of Amhara, Tigray, and Oromo waste their time butchering (online /offline ) each other, while the elites from their own ethnic groups are busy eating up Ethiopia’s resources and stashing the money somewhere else?
Take Azeb Mesfin , a civil servant employee then , her empire in Uganda ...I share link b/c I heard this on Ahadu radio about her business ...
https://observer.ug/business/ethiopian-firm-partners-uganda-for-soroti-factory-expansion/
Smuggling out the GOLD still happening in Tigray region by the TPLF chain...
semhal meles talks about this ....
Oromia President Shemlis Abdisa. I have a credible source from Tegaru that he's funneling money abroad with help from Getachew Reda's connections, buying up resources outside the country.
The PP regime is probably the worst ??? Idk .off shoring $$$ happening literally from upper high to subcity level cadre...
And then there's the Amhara regime ,I have many clients whose ancestors were from the royal family. They live with tons of privilege: huge lands, educations abroad, and a lifestyle most Ethiopians can only dream of.
Meanwhile, the ordinary people from these ethnic group ? They're busy fighting each other.
It’s classic divide and rule. And as Donald Trump once said, "I love uneducated people..." ...and honestly, I feel like those at the bottom are too busy blaming each other's ethnicity for everything they think they've lost. They fight over scraps while the elites laugh all the way to foreign banks.
The rest of Ethiopia? We just live in the moment.
But here's the thing: you can't carry Ethiopia's resources with you to the next life. So why not spend your time living instead of crying over past history? Why keep pointing fingers, claiming this ethnicity is the problem, or that you deserve this or that over someone else?
When will you start living?
edit 1:- If this post triggers you, hold your breath and take your rant elsewhere. There’s plenty of space out there for lectures on hate, or for arguments about why your ethnicity or favorite political party is superior to others. What we’re really missing here is critical thinking, not emotional outbursts.
edit 2 :- As always within an hr a few ethno-centeric individuals came to this thread as always to keep on butchering each other !! WoW, Folks, this is a cancerous disease, not sure if we ever get cured from this disease .
I want to invest in stock market , anywhere than saving in the bank ! Any clue where to start as non-U.S citizen ?
I am an asexual woman , 44 F and straight, living in Ethiopia, and it truly feels like a double whammy. Here, almost everything is viewed through a lens of binary thinking. I exhaustively explored my identity seeking medical attention, doing trauma work—but nothing made a difference. That is, until someone introduced me to a word that described my entire existence: asexual.
It was such an exciting moment that I nearly told everyone I met friends, my ex, colleagues, potential dates. I am an over-sharer. But the dismissiveness from colleagues and friends, and the outright rejection from potential romantic partners, hit me hard. So I eventually chose to shut up and push men away whenever I sense their interest, because what they see in me feels far more sexual than intellectual.
I don't actually miss relationships; I am an introvert and genuinely enjoy my alone time. But my intellectual brain does miss having a partner. I am demisexual and sapiosexual smart brains attract me like a magnet. Where are they hiding? (lol).
Dating chances feel close to zero as an African woman. This orientation is barely acknowledged here; I suspect many men and women are married to allosexuals and suffering in silence.
Which brings me back to my burning question: Where are the demisexual, asexual men in Addis Ababa?!!
About myself
F, 44 , straight
Educated, doctorate degree.
Introverted and homey person .
Self dx AuDHD, Deep thinker. love keep learning . I love my independence.
Attachment :- Recovered FA.
Enjoys her company.
Physically , thin and 1.60 m .
No substance , not even alcoholic drink.
Wellness junk. Health is a priority .
Medication :+ walking, dancing to boost my dopamine deficit :).
I love a man who is strive ,professional , has his own identity. Age between 44-54.
Very key :- Emotionally available , does self reflection . Reads a lot ..love knowledge.
physical attraction :- Mandatory
No substance at all.
I am an asexual woman , 44 F and straight, living in Ethiopia, and it truly feels like a double whammy. Here, almost everything is viewed through a lens of binary thinking. I exhaustively explored my identity seeking medical attention, doing trauma work—but nothing made a difference. That is, until someone introduced me to a word that described my entire existence: asexual.
It was such an exciting moment that I nearly told everyone I met friends, my ex, colleagues, potential dates. I am an over-sharer. But the dismissiveness from colleagues and friends, and the outright rejection from potential romantic partners, hit me hard. So I eventually chose to shut up and push men away whenever I sense their interest, because what they see in me feels far more sexual than intellectual.
I don't actually miss relationships; I am an introvert and genuinely enjoy my alone time. But my intellectual brain does miss having a partner. I am demisexual and sapiosexual smart brains attract me like a magnet. Where are they hiding? (lol).
Dating chances feel close to zero as an African woman. This orientation is barely acknowledged here; I suspect many men and women are married to allosexuals and suffering in silence. Even Europeans and Americans tend to date within their own local cities, let alone across countries so that's not a magic solution either.
Which brings me back to my burning question: Where are the demisexual, asexual men in Addis Ababa?!!