u/Vanexxre

I’m dating this guy who says he doesn’t masturbate(“too busy”) but yet he’s asking me for nudes. For what purpose?? I asked him why he wanted nudes if he doesn’t masturbate and he said “because I like you”… it just doesn’t make sense in my brain. Especially since he’s already seen me naked in real life. We are in our 30s for context.

I don’t send nudes though because when I was younger, my boyfriend posted my nudes on my social media so if that’s a dealbreaker for him, he can move on. I haven’t shared this with him, but I’ve always told him that I just don’t send nudes.

Hey, elder emo here, 32F 😂 Anyone else splurging and going to the Petco Park concert? I ended up getting one of the hotel packages and decided to make a whole weekend out of it.

I actually grew up in San Diego, but I live in Colorado now, so I’m excited to be back! I’m getting in Thursday and seeing some friends, spending Friday during the day with family, and then I have Friday night and pretty much all day Saturday free before the show.

I’m going to the concert alone, which I’m totally comfortable with. I solo travel and go to concerts by myself, but since I’m already making a trip out of it, I want to make the most of the weekend!

Is anyone else in the same boat? What are you guys doing before the show or that weekend in general? Any fun plans or suggestions for things to do Friday night or Saturday during the day?

Also just curious how many other elder emos are gonna be out there 😂🖤

I (32F) have been seeing 33M since June. We aren’t exclusive and I’ve also talked to/dated other people, so another woman isn’t the issue.

The issue is that after months of me driving 40 minutes to him, asking for actual dates, asking him to occasionally come to me, and increasingly feeling like I was being treated as a convenient hookup, I learned that he cooked dinner for another woman on their SECOND DATE.

Apparently he does know how to court someone.
The cherry on top? He specifically told me she’s “not a hoe” because they haven’t done anything sexually. Meanwhile, he’s repeatedly characterized me as hypersexual because I’m sexually confident/forward. I’m heavily tattooed, agnostic, bisexual and comfortable showing skin. My actual sexual history is pretty limited, and he was my first sexual contact with anyone in about two years.

She’s apparently a former addict who has become very religious. I want to be extremely clear: I don’t think her past makes her less worthy than me. My problem is that I’m starting to suspect HE has sorted us into categories: sexually restrained/religious woman = respectable relationship prospect; sexually confident/agnostic woman = fun.

There were warning signs before this. He’s Christian and I’m agnostic. Our politics and views on gender differ significantly. He’s a musician whose schedule is always insane. He’s extremely indirect and has described himself as avoidant. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for months because I didn’t want to overinterpret things.

I also wasn’t perfect. I was lukewarm over text when we initially matched because his communication gave me little to work with. We weren’t exclusive. I’ve sometimes acted nonchalant instead of directly stating what I wanted. So I’m not claiming I communicated flawlessly.

But I DID eventually tell him I felt like I was only driving over for hookups and wanted him to come to me and put more effort into actual dates. He agreed.
Nothing changed.

Until yesterday, he’d never even come to my town in two months.

Finding out another woman got a home-cooked dinner on date two honestly made the entire situation embarrassingly obvious to me. Maybe he likes me. Maybe he doesn’t. Either way, I’m clearly not being pursued in the way I want.
I want out.

My only question is how much communication I owe him. We’ve been seeing each other long enough that silently deleting/blocking him feels contrary to how I want to treat people. But I also don’t want a giant emotional conversation explaining how he hurt me or giving him the satisfaction of knowing I’ve spent this much time thinking about him.
I’m leaning toward:

“Hey, I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to continue seeing each other. I wish you the best.”

Then removing him.

Would you send that? Explain WHY? Slow-fade? Or is silently deleting him justified at this point?

TL;DR: Man I’ve been seeing for months apparently had no problem giving another woman a home-cooked second date after giving me months of couch hookups despite me asking for more effort. He also explicitly called her “not a hoe” because they haven’t hooked up while repeatedly labeling me hypersexual. I think I’ve gotten my answer about how he sees me. Do I send a short goodbye or just disappear?

EDIT because this kinda blew up and I keep seeing the same questions/assumptions:

He has admitted that he’s avoidant and has a history of choosing women he feels he needs to “save,” who then end up hurting/cheating on him. He also holds some pretty red-pill views. I’m financially stable, independent, emotionally regulated, and have a full life. I don’t need saving. Ironically, MY pattern is hearing someone’s sob story and giving them way too much grace for behavior I normally wouldn’t tolerate. Clearly, I still have some work to do there.

He and the other woman only went on two dates and are no longer seeing each other. According to him, she ended up being “too religious,” their second date was terrible, and she didn’t appreciate the effort he put into it.

For everyone focused on the driving: I live rurally and work in his town twice a week. About half of our low effort hangouts happened when I was already there for work, including coffee during my lunch breaks. He also had car trouble for the first couple months, which I accepted as the reason he wasn’t coming to me. Once his car was fixed and I told him the dynamic wasn’t working for me, he eventually did come to my town. We went to an event and he slept over. That was also when he told me about the other woman, and the additional information has finally help me decide this whole thing isn’t for me.

We DID go on actual dates initially but everything was split 50-50. Then he experienced some financial instability after being out of work because of fires in our area, and again, I gave him grace. Clearly, I should have stopped explaining things for him and simply looked at the overall pattern sooner.

My biggest takeaway is that there probably wasn’t some perfect way I could have behaved that would’ve made him categorize me differently. He had ideas about me before we even met based on my tattoos, style, ethnicity, etc. I also have zero interest in being with someone who needs me to suppress my sexuality for some arbitrary amount of time before I’m considered “worthy” of respect or commitment. For the record, we didn’t have sex until we’d hung out five or six separate times, three/ four of which were public dates/hangouts.

And yes, I’m aware he simply wasn’t that into me. I don’t need comment #347 screaming that at me lol.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I never truly wanted a relationship with him either. I’ve been questioning our compatibility for a while. My ego and feelings are hurt because realizing someone viewed and treated me differently than I thought they did still sucks.

We’ve also had a friendship underneath the sexual/romantic dynamic, which is the only reason I’ve hesitated to simply block or ghost him. I don’t hate him and there are no hard feelings from my end. I just don’t think continuing this makes sense for me.

I’m also re-entering the dating world with men after dating only women for years, so some of this has genuinely been a learning experience.

My biggest lesson: stop letting someone’s trauma, attachment style, financial situation, car problems, work schedule, or sob story convince me to accept a dynamic that isn’t making me happy. I can have empathy for why someone behaves the way they do without volunteering to experience it.

Anyway, I hope this post has been as entertaining for you all as living and writing it has been for me. (:

Watching Cuba guide Yazmin has been so sweet. It’s also nice to see the trio of Fran, Cuba and Yazmin.

Just watched the show on Amazon. It had some good moments, but overall, it was really boring because of how vanilla it is.

Can anyone think of any dark romance versions with similar plot lines?

Starts off enemies to lovers then team up for a deal, etc.

Not a huge fan of age gap or overly docile pushover FMC but everything else is fine.