u/VicariousFlaneur

Hello everyone, I hope you're having a splendid day.

I was reflecting on my journey in love so far, and I must admit that love (and everything it entails) has brought me the brightest feelings of joy, as well as the most excruciating emotional pain in the last many years of my life.

Each relationship has taught me something that may be of use to you. I'll go through each relationship and what it taught me, and then a few objective lessons that come to mind.

My first love: We were both very young, and our firsts in every sense; we lost our virginity to one another, and spent almost four years together. That's when we realized that we were becoming starkly different people, and we no longer felt aligned in life.

The lesson: co-dependence is a dangerous thing. Expecting your partner to be your best friend, therapist, lover, and everything in between can put a lot of pressure on both of you.

My second love: This one was a rebound, and lasted for a few months until everything fizzled out. She was much younger, extremely charming, and filled the void left behind from the first heartbreak. I tried to give her my all... but you can only love someone so much from a broken heart.

The lesson: Always take some time to grieve a heartbreak. Jumping into a new relationship can delay your healing process and also hurt the other person (which is a horrible thing to do).

My third love: We met on a trip I was doing (solo) to "discover myself." We traveled to one another's city, learned what new love could feel like (since we both came from previous heartbreaks), and she was ready to move in with me. However, at this point in time, I realized that the distance and time killed the infatuation, and we no longer felt like we were bound together by the same purpose.

The lesson: A long-distance relationship isn't for everyone. If there's going to be distance between you two, make sure you're ready to handle it.

My fourth love: Almost two years after the previous one, in all its irony, I fell in love with someone I hadn't even met in real life. She lived almost 5000 kms away from me, and... I fell for her on Facebook, out of all places. To this day, I believe that she was the deepest and safest love of my life. I flew to her, built a life in her country, and things were going well for almost two years. Except, we couldn't fix one major part: our sexual incompatibility. She was an asexual woman, while I'm a man with a high libido. We tried everything we could... but we couldn't really fix something that wasn't broken in the first place.

I didn't just lose the love of my life, I lost my best friend.

The lesson: Never, ever change yourself for someone else. It's one thing to compromise on something, but it's another to sacrifice who you truly are.

My fifth love: One fine evening, I headed out to a pub to have a beer by myself. That's where I saw her; she looked like an elvish queen right out of a fantasy novel. We danced, talked, and kissed until 4 AM that morning. At first, we couldn't believe this was happening; she was 14 years older than me, came out of a 19-year marriage, and had a daughter almost my age. Yet, for three months, we just got along. Everything between us worked like magic, and she made me think, "Wow, is this what true compatibility feels like?" But, things got in the way; our financial situations, our geography, and so on.

The lesson (and this one's the hardest): Sometimes, life gets in the way of love. There are things beyond your control: an unpredictable career, shifting geopolitical scenarios, etc. So, appreciate what you have and count your blessings with each passing day. Kiss your loved one. Hold them tight. Give them the sense of safety they deserve. The impermanence of life is exactly what makes it so beautiful.

. . .

Now, onto some subjective truths that may help your journey:

1. Please learn about attachment styles: I cannot stress this enough. Learn your attachment style, understand how you communicate, and know how you'd like to feel loved. Take the time to understand these things about yourself, so your partner doesn't have to.

2. Learn how to be happy by yourself: It's like building a solid house for yourself. When you're dating, you leave the house, wander a bit, enjoy the scenery, but eventually come back home. And if you're lucky, you bring someone home. It's like they say, build a beautiful garden, so it attracts butterflies. Even if the butterflies don't show up, you still have a beautiful garden!

3. Have a growth mindset: There are those who have a scarcity mindset and refuse to leave bad situations or try new things simply because they believe that there's nothing better out there. Don't be that person. Try to cultivate a growth mindset and believe in your ability to build a relationship that brings you joy.

4. Learn about cognitive distortions: These are thought patterns or limiting beliefs that hold us from truly experiencing life. An example of this is "all-or-nothing thinking," where you may believe that love or relationships can only happen for you if certain conditions are met. We all know that in reality, life seldom plays by those rules.

5. Be yourself, and you'll attract the right kind of person: I'm a musician, writer, sketch artist, and a couple of things in between (probably also why I'm broke). Anyhow, the more I've felt like myself over the years, the easier it has been to be with someone. It's how Carl Jung puts it, "No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you."

6. Have a strong support system outside the relationship: Think of these as your life's pillars. Your friends and family will be there for you, no matter what. During my toughest times, my support system showed up whenever I needed them. Even when I was living in another country, they called me, texted me, and sent voice notes. It's essential to have this kind of system in place, or else you may end up in a relationship that's not good for you simply because this person is your only source of emotional support.

. . .

If you've made it this far, I'd like to thank you for your time.

I hope this post was helpful in one way or another. As for me, I think my heart has taken a bit too much over the last many years, and I want to retire from love for a while. Perhaps forever, if that feels peaceful. I'm an average 28-year-old guy, and I want to focus the next few years of my life on helping others, in one shape or another.

If you wish to talk about something or have questions, feel free to drop me a message.

Thank you!

Hey everyone, I hope you're having an incredible day.

The thing is, I've been a freelance content writer for almost six years now. I've worked with several websites like Zoom, Plarium, FandomWire, TheGamer, and many gaming-focused ones as a writer, and published 1500+ articles in my lifetime. Things were going well, and I had a substantial income that supported my life.

But, I lost all my clients a few months ago, and don't know where to go from here. I can't work in an on-site setting due to personal reasons, so I'm actively looking for remote work.

I have a master's degree in Psychology (Behavioural Sciences) and research, specializing in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I never intended to practice psychology in a therapeutic setting, but I love writing about mental health, and at the moment, I just publish for myself.

I've been trying to use AI to carve a career path and have been taking the advice of fellow redditors; people usually throw around the words UX Writing, Content Strategy, Marketing, and so on.

I'm not sure where I fit, and where my skills could apply.

What should I do?

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