Can someone who started as an e commerce shopper switch with some ease? Starting to feel like my department isnt right for me anymore. What are the different bakery roles? What are the hardest and easiest parts for your role?
I made another mistake at work accidentally leaving early again. I noticed I was more concerned with disappointing my leads than losing hours.
But then I really sat and thought about it for the last 3 weeks they've repeatedly shown genuine concern about me as a person. Asking me if I'm okay, asking me if I'm feeling discouraged because of feedback, telling me other options for departments so I can get full time
I'm still feeling hard on myself about today but I really been focusing on how positively I'm treated and spoken about here. Even behind my back I found out leads expressing genuine affection for me and it caused me to cry
I also remember freezing when I saw my supervisor giving my coworkers a hug but she seemed empathic about me not wanting one. It's like I'm not used to being treated like... A person
I also noticed all of this made me realize I'm used to functioning while exhausted. Not eating, not sleeping, being broke, smiling when I feel like shit, worrying about people's feelings and perception of me over my own physical needs. Safety and positive reinforcement makes me feel weak and exposed
I know I'm regarded as a daughter figure to people here so I dislike being underestimated, seen as less capable than others, being underestimated etc. I want to be seen as strong and capable like my family but I'm realizing this isnt even healthy
I grew up with emotions being punished, rest being punished (yes my grandma would angrily wake me up for taking a nap), mistakes being punished, everyone suffering silently, pushing through and working very hard just to get by despite burnout. I even realized I've picked up my mom's caffeine addiction
Still feeling pretty bleh about things. I don't even really care about losing hours right now I just don't want my reputation of being punctual and reliable being effected 🥲. I'd love to hear you guy's experiences and findings on this topic in the replies, how does safety, positivity, and vulnerability effect you?
I don't like that I view relationships as a bunch of power plays. I don't want power over others though. It's more like I don't want people to have "leverage" over me. So whenever I feel affectionate, I get mad because I feel like they have the key to control me which can cause me to shut down.
Whenever I feel love or want love I feel like I'm "losing". Which is stupid. I noticed the other day I felt angry (at myself) for asking my mother to rub my arm while I was in pain to calm me down (it also caused me to realize how touch starved I am. I don't let anyone including my mother touch me most of the time )
I can't take any sort of vulnerability on my end. I'm a wannabe lone wolf that gets mad when I realize there's no such thing as being a lone wolf. I need people, love, and support and I hate it.