u/VillainousValeriana

I'm finally, finally taking in what this sub has taught me along with r/enmeshment.. I haven't been active, but I do remember some core advices that I was told. And the biggest one is "boundaries are about what YOU will or won't do".

Implementing this is basically an entire life style change. Still working on it. But I'm slowly getting better. I'm curious what the final straw was for you guy that lead you to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them?

*TL;DR : improved social anxiety by a large margin, still need a kick in the pants to do things like food delivery on my own. Advice and encouragement for over coming the last bits of my fears would be nice!*

So, since spring 2025 I've been on a loooong journey of working with my social anxiety. For context, I was practically housebound for 10 years. Rarely coming out. Only during a few trips with my mom but usually staying in the car and family events. That was it

Last year I got tired of the pattern and started by walking around the block, then walking 40 minutes to the library. But this wasn't enough.

October 2025, I took a leap of faith and applied to a grocery store where my brother suggested I work. He applied too. And I was so lucky to be able to train with him and have the most gracious and patient trainer, team lead, and overall very kind coworkers. I've been here for 8 months.

I started here laying on the floor crying before and after shifts, practically mute my first week, lost my appetite and weight about 89lbs, would need brown noise and baths to calm me down

Now I freely talk with customers, coworkers, gradually began accepting social outings, and even made a new friend. I also took another anxious leap and applied to transfer departments. So the progress is real

BUT my hours have been getting cut short. I made moves buy an e scooter and now the next step is food delivery but I'm so scared guys 🥹. Luckily I've narrowed down my fears to the exact point

I'm genuinely terrified of doing new things, and making mistakes in front of people who I fear will become impatient, dismissive, loud, or punitive with me as growing up this was the most common responses I'd get from family and teachers.

Any tips tricks and encouragement for me?

Wasn't sure what tag to use. Just curious how this is for others. What are the smaller more subtle ways avoidance appears for you?

For example, I resist suggestions that I know are actually good for me just because I feel like it interrupts my sense of agency. It's silly, but I do it.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really like the person told me this. In fact, I was literally told similar by a family member that I also like and care about.

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But I noticed people seem to think that if youre scared you're not doing the work to heal. I had a heart to heart with my boss (... Probably the last place this should've happened but she's very motherly towards me. Oh well. Hope it doesn't back fire, I'm just glad I got any support at all)

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She basically told me that I have to just do what scares me and it's like... Ma'am, you yourself said I was very scared when I first started this job months ago and that I've begun coming out of my shell lol. I've made progress. Not finished of course, but the progress is there

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I just applied to a new department despite being very scared. I see what she was getting at and she wasn't entirely wrong. I liked what she said with picking one, only one thing I havent done and making it a goal for the year. I agree, thing is I've been that for the last SEVEN MONTHS and I still feel shitty lol.

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Same with my brother. He told me I have to stop being anxious (I hate being told this) and push forward. And it's like, well, I can only push forward. I can't stop being anxious and I've kind accepted that I'm probably always going to be anxious in new situations with new people.

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Doing new things is probably going to continue feeling like an avengers level threat for the rest of my life. But back to the main point, it's kind of funny that people think if youre scared that you're not fully applying yourself

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Yet they're not seeing the bigger picture of everything ive actually done that they've either witnessed themselves or i spoke about.

Can someone who started as an e commerce shopper switch with some ease? Starting to feel like my department isnt right for me anymore. What are the different bakery roles? What are the hardest and easiest parts for your role?

I made another mistake at work accidentally leaving early again. I noticed I was more concerned with disappointing my leads than losing hours.

But then I really sat and thought about it for the last 3 weeks they've repeatedly shown genuine concern about me as a person. Asking me if I'm okay, asking me if I'm feeling discouraged because of feedback, telling me other options for departments so I can get full time

I'm still feeling hard on myself about today but I really been focusing on how positively I'm treated and spoken about here. Even behind my back I found out leads expressing genuine affection for me and it caused me to cry

I also remember freezing when I saw my supervisor giving my coworkers a hug but she seemed empathic about me not wanting one. It's like I'm not used to being treated like... A person

I also noticed all of this made me realize I'm used to functioning while exhausted. Not eating, not sleeping, being broke, smiling when I feel like shit, worrying about people's feelings and perception of me over my own physical needs. Safety and positive reinforcement makes me feel weak and exposed

I know I'm regarded as a daughter figure to people here so I dislike being underestimated, seen as less capable than others, being underestimated etc. I want to be seen as strong and capable like my family but I'm realizing this isnt even healthy

I grew up with emotions being punished, rest being punished (yes my grandma would angrily wake me up for taking a nap), mistakes being punished, everyone suffering silently, pushing through and working very hard just to get by despite burnout. I even realized I've picked up my mom's caffeine addiction

Still feeling pretty bleh about things. I don't even really care about losing hours right now I just don't want my reputation of being punctual and reliable being effected 🥲. I'd love to hear you guy's experiences and findings on this topic in the replies, how does safety, positivity, and vulnerability effect you?

I don't like that I view relationships as a bunch of power plays. I don't want power over others though. It's more like I don't want people to have "leverage" over me. So whenever I feel affectionate, I get mad because I feel like they have the key to control me which can cause me to shut down.

Whenever I feel love or want love I feel like I'm "losing". Which is stupid. I noticed the other day I felt angry (at myself) for asking my mother to rub my arm while I was in pain to calm me down (it also caused me to realize how touch starved I am. I don't let anyone including my mother touch me most of the time )

I can't take any sort of vulnerability on my end. I'm a wannabe lone wolf that gets mad when I realize there's no such thing as being a lone wolf. I need people, love, and support and I hate it.