u/VioletVagaries

I was in the unfortunate position of learning a couple of years ago, when it came up with my own therapist because of my ocd themes and trauma history, that this is an incredibly widely held position amongst mental health professionals. Without getting too specific, the experience had a deeply devastating impact on my mental health that continues to persist years later.

The impact was extreme not just because of the subject matter, but because of the iron clad certainty it gave me that men are fundamentally untrustworthy, and that it will always be asking too much to expect them to prioritize my mental and emotional safety above their own gratification, even when doing so is their literal job.

I walked away from the whole experience with a really deep feeling that therapists are not only unsafe people with whom to share sexual trauma, but that, in calculating that this behavior is in any way appropriate, they may often have distorted relationships with sexuality themselves.

Unfortunately, because I was literally downvoted into oblivion and then banned from the ask a therapist subreddit for daring to try to process this there when it happened, I know that this is not limited to just one p3rvert, and is instead a sickness that’s permeating the entire industry. I guess cliches exist for a reason.

I know why this bothers me personally, aside from my own issues and trauma history. In addition to obviously being very ick and creepy, I think the implications for therapists being able to hold our sexual trauma in a healthy way are quite dark. Frankly, I was floored when I realized this topic was even open for debate, as it seems like a very basic professional ethics and boundary issue to me.

I’ve heard the argument that their office is their private space to do with as they see fit, but I’m not sure that even that is entirely true. When you open up a space as a supposed safe space for others to share intimate details of their most vulnerable experiences, I think it becomes a shared space that the therapist is responsible for upholding with care and healthy personal and professional boundaries.

It’s difficult for me to gauge whether my history has left me with a very different perspective than others on this issue, or whether therapists as a whole are simply more likely to have distorted relationships with sexuality. Even that prospect on its own is really quite disturbing.

I’m interested to hear from all clients, but I’m particularly interested in hearing from survivors of sexual trauma. Are you comfortable with this information? Are you okay with knowing that after you share the most intimate details of your trauma history, your therapist might be engaging in s3xual self-gratification in the same space immediately after? Am I the only one who finds this an incredible violation of the trust we place in them?

In sum, I realize that this is a hard conversation, trust me. It took everything I had to find the strength to broach it in the first place, and I was deeply disappointed to learn that all the cliches about being rewarded for our vulnerability in therapy with personal growth turned out not to be true. But if I can incur this much damage because the industry is excusing arguably pretty unwell behavior, then it can happen to anyone, and I think it’s a conversation we need to be having.

I’m sick of this just being a thing that sits and aches in me, because once you’re traumatized in therapy there’s literally nowhere you can go to heal it, especially when the issue is systemic. It’s 100% on you to just figure it out.

So what do we think? Who’s okay with knowing how pervasive this is? Do you feel the same way about trusting these people with the most intimate details of your trauma history now that you have this information? Do you view their psychological competence the same way? Please share your thoughts on this post before the slap-happy mods delete it because it’s easier to silence people than it is to honestly examine the implications of their own behavior.

It’s possible I may find myself in a situation where I have to seek part time employment, preferably either work from home or work with minimal social engagement, as I may or may not be able to continue faking my capacity at my full time job and could potentially be forced to go down to part time. This would involve a substantial pay cut in addition to the loss in hours, and I’m really concerned about how I would survive if this happens.

I’ve been with the same company for over a decade, essentially a public-facing job that loosely relates to a former special interest, but the combination of social ambiguities and just general expectations have put me into a state of perpetual burnout in which I’ve twice had to miss work for over a week because I became unable to stand up without feeling like I was going to pass out.

I haven’t searched for a job since the early 2010’s and whenever I pop on Craigslist I can’t tell legitimate opportunities from scams. I don’t even know where people are supposed to search for jobs anymore. I find linked in intimidating because I’ve always tailored resumes to particular positions, but maybe that’s where these things happen now, idk.

I could really use some guidance/advice on how to go about searching for burnout-resistant part-time employment in case I lose my current position and have to supplement my income. I’m particularly concerned because I live in an area where the cost of living is insane and I hear nothing but bad things about the job market right now, so any insight would be appreciated.