u/ViolinistBorn7638

I just came back from my first bikini session, i was checking the results at home, and i found the biggest discharge I've ever discharge in the history of discharge, idk if that happened before or after the session but im literally dying of embarrassment, I checked myself a 1000 time before i go, i swear i was shaving and cleaning like it's my wedding night. But i didn't have time to recheck in the clinic's bathroom.

FUCKKKK I dont want to show my face againnnnn.

I was trying hard for the past 6 months to change my life to make you fit in it, but sometimes life just puts 2 people that can't in any way be together and place them in the exact place and time to make them fall in love.

Life just being the bitch she is, putting all you ever wanted in someone and taking away every other thing that would make it possible for you and toss it in the biggest dumpster.

But J... i cant let go, im still determined, although im so so tired, lost sense of purpose and just want to give up, i still see you in the end of that long and dark tunnel, i fear that me not moving anymore, would kill the chance of us more that a fantasy i dream of every night.

Can't believe it's been a whole year. I've been so exhausted every single day, but i want you so bad, why would any relationship be this hard, are they signs to tell me to give up, or are they challenges that i should overcome for us.

I hate the life that made me meet you and i hate the life that destroyed us.

Life must have a very unique sense of humor, one that's not funny to anyone but herself.

It's not fair wanting something so simple to be this hard, am i so wrong to only want to talk to you and enjoy sharing my existence with you? Do we really deserves that much suffering for this?? Fuck life. Fuck goals and wants. Fuck becoming anything. Fuck finding meaning. Fuck work and fuck marriage and fuck having kids. Fuck living. If you want us to be so miserable just to die, well take my soul already...oh but you already did, didn't you? Fuck you.

Im not sure if this is the right sub but i want an opinion

I blocked my ex although we ended on somewhat good terms, and been not active at all for so long, so would i be weird for commenting on his friends posts?

Why would someone who loves their partner a lot, not do any real steps towards making the relationship stable or have a future?

Can those 2 things be true at the same time, or does that mean they never really lover their partner?

I attended a wedding of one of my friends.

From the moment i was getting ready i started thinking about him for some reason, maybe because we were choosing the dress that i was gonna wear that day before we brake up.

On the way to the place i also kept thinking about him, i wanted to share the day with him i guess.

And when i made it there, i was emotional throughout the whole thing, i never get emotional at weddings, but for the first time just seeing 2 people that love each other make it to the end stading proudly just... idk i was really happy to see that, and grieving the fact that me and him will probably never make it to that.

After the ceremony i just felt a huge hole in my chest, idk how else to describe it, i felt so empty and that im messing a huge part of me, i felt that for the first time since the breakup, the feeling that literally half of you is messing, you cant put anything else in that place.

I've been doing worse these days.

Also if you're gonna go and look at my other posts please dont comment advising me to try again with him or reach out, thank you

I want everything to be simple and beautiful again, i wish all these problems didn't exist, it was so hard.

I want to forget about everything bad, i want to call him and go to sleep on the phone like before, just one peaceful light night we pretend like everything is ok, lie to ourselves, that we can happen, that everything else didn't matter.

It's so embarrassing, i hope i can move on one day.

I've seen so many people on here feeling so much regret and guilt, finally realizing the problem after it's too late, wishing for a last chance to prove that they can change..

My question is, did that ever happen in any of these stories, did any of them actually change and went back to them and got the chance and they worked out? Or does it never happen.

Or is it that by the time you changed you already moved on and aimed that change for a better life, better you, and mayne the next partner.